i didn't understand
how my back was curved like a spoon all the time
how my breath stops at the eyes upon me
how my voice stops to be heard at their stares
my cowardice

i was jealous
their stance, the way they held their chins up high
their never-ending smiles and laughs and talks
their wits, never stopping to think, always ready
their courage

i am stuck in my own world
not because they told me to
because i have to

someone has to yield
someone has to be the clapper
someone has to watch
someone has to be inferior
i am—
that's my role in this world

i will never be—
never be the.

it is not very
lady like to leap
and yell with
glee
or to run like
mad
or to touch without asking to
kiss with
fervor.
but do you mind?

Keep to your own lines,
the interwoven, layered,
stood-the-test-of-time,
true-to-the-character lines.

Friend. Father.
Englander. Londoner. 
Hero. Hugger.
Reliable understudier.

Place your toes on the bottom line,
and take a look and take in a breath,
take inspiration drawn in from the borrowed,
from the passing,
from the whatever-passes-for-solomon.
And redefine yourself, for yourself,
once again.

But don't stray over those well-rehearsed lines.
Don't ever improvise.

You're safe if you keep to your lines.

Reality, in truth, is maybe just a dream
A hologram of thoughts, you can choose your own theme
The outside, a reflection, of all that you desire
Keep the mind positive or deficiency may transpire

See we are the actors, our thoughts dictate our roles
A human experience, navigated by our souls
The dream is not as rigid as we are led to believe
The mind can alter circumstance but the mind can still decieve

If everything is energy then keep your vibration high
Vibrate at such a level that the limit becomes the sky
Remember it's YOUR dream and only YOU can change the script
Whatever comes your way, you are more than equipped

Reality, in truth, is maybe just a dream
A hologram of thoughts, things aren't always what they seem

From beyond the infinite nothingness,
to the nothingness buried inside of me

Cast upon the leaves and trees and
darkness that encapsulates this universe like sea

Blooming life revolting gravity and
fugaciously qualifying the test of time

Rustling beasts on terrified streets
going to or coming from their scenes of crime

Evading a revisit to life's lessons
under the weight of experiences

Playing with fire, restrained not by wires,
burning shoots of knowledge, the invincible tree

A puppet to the surroundings and the senses,
boldness and blindness turning men to graves

Quiet witness to the daily murders
while enslaving ourselves to our offspring's existence

From beyond the infinite nothingness,
to the nothingness buried inside of me

I am the result of this explosion,
this heaven is at my call, my feet

All my desires at fulfillment,
all sweet challenges of unsolvable mysteries

Vacuum out there to make more sterile,
this vacuous life that I lead

Thorns of transition,
burst open my silent entitlement

Coalescing my reality with
the all-powerful emptiness

Now I am free from the
clutches of my control

In this fatuous drama,
searching for another insignificant role

EPILOGUE
The role of ancient philosophical teachings
Justifying rapes and murders, through beastly preachings

I have made a job for myself
Which is to make everyone else happy.
That's how everyone knows me.
The happy, optimistic girl who will fill your head with happy thoughts.
It is a role that is easy to fit into and that I am capable of doing.
But as I try to make more people happy, I get more and more sad.
More and more
tired.
I am running out of happiness for everyone, and I am fearful of what
will happen
When the girl who was always happy
Doesn't have enough happiness
To hide that she is sad.