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Jalaj Soni Feb 2018
"Look around you"

People are smiling, cheering their friends
Lifting the spirits of those that don't dissent
Carefree, responsible and respectfully mature
While only the pauses from routine, work as my cure

White light strikes the prism of my life
Prisoner of time, I am a slave of my grief
I'm blinded by your expectations and needs
They are weighing down on my survivor's instincts

I'm choking on my tears, I'm preying on my smile
I'm dying every morning, I'm dying every night
I'm strangling my desires to ever find peace
I'm forcing every poison to be gulped in by me

No music can help me, no art can sway me
No rush can stop me from laying down to quit
No rifle can shoot me, no knife can stab me
And hope to **** a soul, but an empty vessel

I sleep and I hope to wake up, no more
I have lost all my passions to the mighty orders of bores
I caution myself every day to never hope for hope
For its a noose, to my shimmering eyes, swinging through death

I can't live like this, I can't suffocate
And smile like all my dreams are as my childhood left
I can't accept the myopia of the world around me
Ridicule of my desire to see myself as a work of art

I can't stay mindless of the fact that all my friends are slaves
I can't stay ignorant to the ease of creeps, cheaps and strays
I am tired of keeping myself safe, with a silent venomous dagger
I need someone to put my faith in and leap into the dark, forever
Jalaj Soni Feb 2018
Parasitic mind feeding on my grief
A soul seeking happiness in your relief
My inadequacy has forced me to bill
Your neverending healing, to my neverending peril

Poetic rationale takes in my gloom
Like leaves take in carbon, allowing flowers to bloom
To produce the only acid, my self pity, that can ****
To contain my hatred for, your healing my peril

With a storm of oncoming nought
Hunt for the eye, has my vision wrought
My soil of wisdom has gone sterile
As I celebrate your healing, I erode in my peril
Jalaj Soni Feb 2018
From beyond the infinite nothingness,
to the nothingness buried inside of me

Cast upon the leaves and trees and
darkness that encapsulates this universe like sea

Blooming life revolting gravity and
fugaciously qualifying the test of time

Rustling beasts on terrified streets
going to or coming from their scenes of crime

Evading a revisit to life's lessons
under the weight of experiences

Playing with fire, restrained not by wires,
burning shoots of knowledge, the invincible tree

A puppet to the surroundings and the senses,
boldness and blindness turning men to graves

Quiet witness to the daily murders
while enslaving ourselves to our offspring's existence

From beyond the infinite nothingness,
to the nothingness buried inside of me

I am the result of this explosion,
this heaven is at my call, my feet

All my desires at fulfillment,
all sweet challenges of unsolvable mysteries

Vacuum out there to make more sterile,
this vacuous life that I lead

Thorns of transition,
burst open my silent entitlement

Coalescing my reality with
the all-powerful emptiness

Now I am free from the
clutches of my control

In this fatuous drama,
searching for another insignificant role

The role of ancient philosophical teachings
Justifying rapes and murders, through beastly preachings
Playing with the idea of reality and the role of individuals in a group-led existence
Jalaj Soni Feb 2018
Swirling and twirling on the cosmic dance floor
Peering at the scenes through a mystic eye-door
Living and dying with a photon like stress
A mind so pristine even leaves could impress

Thundering and rumbling and all divine frightenings
Are so far away in this darkness, enlightening
Oneness unprecedented, at this intensity
Gamma rays piercing my impermeable civility

And as I turn my gaze from one infinity to the next
I see the most violent, explosions, perplexed
I raise a cup to the chaos down there
In a uni-soul world, built in my mind's lair

Drowning in a pool of never-ending peace
Flashes of all the humans I knew now, deceased
No degree of sorrow can curb this expanse
Where my beloved conceals me, in this Cosmic Romance
How soothing a love of the cosmos? Never judges, never hurts, never ignores, never invites... Never is
Jalaj Soni Feb 2018
Ghost of my dead saviour, off to haunt my achievements
Spawning, in me, resentment
Maligning my devotion with its indifference

Fiery dragon of the East, off to find contentment
Slaying emotions, with abandonment
Deceived me with its sombre appearance

This dragon has made me dependent
The things that thrilled me, now scare
This dragon has ****** its aegis upon me
Now all I can feel is, a suffocating snare

Angel and the Gambler selling hope, devilishly
Peddling dreams and joy, treacherously
Advertising homes for saints and sinners

Heart runs behind obliterated trust, mindlessly
Being the judge of its desires, heartlessly
No unbelievers in the city of illusions

This Angel has forced me to let my guard down
This Gambler has made me cave
My altar has made me a wrongdoer
My worships vilified by my pain

It is time to Alter the Altar
My take on the process of moving on after heartbreak.
Jalaj Soni Feb 2018
Where is my life headed?
To a greener field or a greyer dread?
What are driving my thoughts?
A killer behind or a murderous rage ahead?

Is my desire for peace a mirage?
Are the shadows crossing my heart soothing not?
Is my dream of satisfaction a farce?
Or a pursuit of happiness, the harbinger of gloom?

What dreams am I running after?
Is an afterlife of glory worth sacrifices of now?
Are vices of today, just tools of mirthless laughter?
Controlling those, who are too bored of freedom?

Is my desire for peace a mirage?
Are the shadows crossing my heart soothing not?
Is my dream of satisfaction a farce?
Or a pursuit of happiness, the harbinger of gloom?

Is a tired poet with a broken guitar
Just a delusional disappointment waiting to happen?
And his empty song books, his empty lifestyle moves
A naked body in the line of a barrage?
Is my desire for peace a mirage?
Inspired by Buddhism and my own experience with expectations and desires and peace..

— The End —