I'm just a miserable bunch of quantum field excitations. A bag of bags of quarks. And so's my truck.

I was entangled with a gal, but things went South. We're still ensnared— unmeasured and immeasurable with no divorce.

Dark energy, dark matter, dark thoughts-- I'll go to the dark side and jump in a black hole.

That'll teach you,  bit....   [loss of signal]

He'd always leave at 2:53 P.M.
Swoosh fwoump.

It was only a matter of time,
Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-ti

I wanted to be free.

He'd strap me to a chair and whisper,
sweet stories that you'd coo to *a child,
with sour breath running down my neck,
his greasy forehead pressed against my tear-stricken cheeks;
it'd deteriorate and culture in my ears.

His scent engulfed my mind,
my body, my soul...

He made a grave mistake,
dressing me in grimy socks,
making me dance skin-to-skin,
forcing me to kiss him, call him.

Oh no, you see,
he should have known.

I betrayed his trust, I'd pay the price,
"Isn't that right, Leila?"
That's not my name.

"Now Leila, darling, you're going to be a good girl,
for Daddy, aren't you?"
That's not my name.

"Leila, sweetheart, I can trust you, can't I?
Hmm? This will be our little secret,"
That's not my name.

"Aw, don't tell me, dear, beautiful Leila,
you aren't scared, are you?"
That's not my name.

I knew him well,
after a few months,
and his smell was musty,
only when I let it be.

He always liked sweets,
like me.

He was disgusting,
and my wrists ran red with incisions;
he'd lick them clean.

He'd always leave at 2:53.

"Oh Leila, sweetheart, I expect dinner when I get back,
won't you be a good girl,
and do as Daddy taught you?"
That's not my name.

So I did.

This kitchen was charming,
as much as his worn dining ware,
lined with cracked roses painted by Chinese overseas,
wondering when they would be used.

This was the first time I'd seen him genuinely smile,
"You look especially beautiful, tonight, Leila,
perhaps it's the sparkle in your eye,"
That's not my name.

He took a sip.

His glossy eyes hovered above his glass,
and his gaze drifted over to me,
in my grimy socks and brown-stained apron,
my long, dark hair drapped over my shoulders.

Another glass,
another glass,
another glass,
glass,
sugary sweet,
sweet,
down his lips,
lips,
lips,
teeth,
throat,
liver.

He liked sweets,
sweets,
sweets,
dripping, sipping,
sweet,
sugary sweet, nectar,
cool, smooth,
antifreeze.

He'd always leave at 2:53.

Silence.
Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-ti-

2:53 P.M.

Silence at 2:00-
2:00
2:00

I'd heard him cry,
"Leila, Leila, Leila,"
That's not my name.

He'd always leave at 2:53,
2:00,
silence.
He would never leave at 2:53,
2:53 P.M.

*I left at 2:53. Silence.

Mr. Aliby
Where were you last night

Oh Mr. Aliby
You thought you were air tight

Oh, but you forgot one lil thing
I ain't your toy
I am my own being

Mr. Aliby
Where were you last night

Oh Mr. Aliby
You've been caught red-handed tonight.

Thought you were clean
And that you'd get away
But the thing is tonight is your last day so say bye bye

Mr. Aliby
Where were you last night

Oh Mr.Abily
Now you are mine

wish me away.
Wish that i would go back to where I came from.
Demote my existence.
Do not pay any attention to my pain.
Mock me with everything I say,
act like a child,
and cause me more pain then my body could handle.
Take me to the lowest parts of my mind,
yes,
make me feel inhuman.
Make me feel ******,
don't let me remind myself of my existence.
Say no to everything I ask,
and keep me in my room until I forget what the house looks like.
Give me all the responsibilities that way you have none,
and that way it is MY fault if something goes under.
Yes,
oh please make sure my family hates me.
Tell them lies about me,
making them cringe at the sight of my face.
Make me cry so hard that my head feels as it has been crushed.
Make sure I suffer in the hot sun,
and tell me it isn't okay to be happy.
Tell me that people never want to see me again,
and cover yourself up in the lie.
Don't forget to hit me with a cutting board,
and please break plastic spoons on my ***.
Make sure I see the corner as an enemy,
and the door as a murderer.
Make the family not understand
just who I am,
and exclaim
"its all his fault!"
I love it when,
my head is smacked.
Soooooo much.
Please make me go without eating
for a good long while.
Make sure,
I cannot go to the bathroom,
Yes I LOVE the thrill.
If you hadn't noticed,
I'm being sarcastic.
I never wanted you to do any of this,
but you did anyways.

you are the single most difficult thing
i've ever had the curse of caring for

you're confusing and secretive and indecisive and insensitive
and the way you treat me, no one ever deserves to be treated

and at one point i fell hard
so so hard
yet i knew that they were just games
but why did it seem like i could never win?

it frustrated me like hell
because when i compete, i win
what the hell made you so special
that you could beat me in every single battle?
that i was willing to lose the war to you?

then i became angry
i wanted to take sweet revenge
my heart became cold
and it yearned to break yours

...or I thought it did

you're like that stray piece of hair
that never seems to stay where it should
you dont know where you stand in my life
yet you still barge in like you own it

and up to today i ask myself
why do i let you?

you are nothing great
you are nothing special
you are nothing
to me

and i know that i'm probably lying to myself
but you should know that although im a superwoman
whom you're stupid not to love
i'm getting tired too
and you, my kryptonite,
i will soon be immune to
because darling
i think i'm finally tired of loving you

How do you shake that
which thrives on being crumbled?
It's simple - you don't.

lonely nights
show us the darkest sight
of our strength and weakness
to our partner it could bring stress

if you're strong enough
then its fine
else for your partner time is tough
you may act like swine

your heart just give reasons
its our brain that do the calculations
its OK to have an insane heart
but an insane mind can lit spark
  
from the number of incident
we choose a single moment
where our heart beats loud
and to judge, our insane mind, we allow

the mind come up with harsh decision
but our heart has its own vision
it chooses the one suits
and to negotiate, this decision, it recruits

its us who know;
every moment and incident
don't let your feelings flow
they (partner) may not find it decent!

we must respect every living being
and not take them for granted;
just because they respect our feeling.
our act may get a negative image planted!

if you love the person
love their decision!
and if you can't
simply make space and move on!!

we don't have any right to hurt someone
coz everyone is special in their own.
and what if they hurt you?
its your decision if you want to continue

don't leave any stone unturned
don't let your feelings burn
but to force someone to love
is inhuman hereof!

I want to pay him back.
I want him to feel my pain.
I want him to feel what it is like to have your bones uncontrollably shake.
I want him to know what it is like to go without eating for 3 days.
I want him to feel what it is like to be choked
until your head starts to pound.
I want him to know what it is like to feel nails cutting your knees.
I want him to know what it is like to be told
you are the reason a family is failing.
I have had to feel all of these.
I have dealt with so much more than he can even remember.
I am no monster.
I am better than he ever was  and will ever be.
I will be the son who stops the line of abuse,
the train of pain.
I will not be the one to deduct respect
for ******* a ***** in the wrong direction.
I am a man.
I want revenge.
He Will feel my revenge,
my wrath,
my pain.


some day.

One thing to remember:
I know your name.
I know everything about you.
I know your smoking habits,
drinking habits,
and I was forced to know your sleeping schedule.
You have the ***** to treat me the way you do?
You laugh when I beg for mercy?
Well, when I rise up like a GOD,
you will be the ******* begging for mercy.
Try me.
again.