Endless steps to shifting rhythms in a haze of noise and palpable judgement.
Apologies tend not to resonate when the damage is done and the horse gets Higher, stomping to the beat of a privileged heart.
You learn quickly, and with a heavy sense of defeat, that you can never do Enough.
Expectations climb with a pace unmatched by any effort imaginable as
It's prearranged.
The waltz was always going to play out like this because you put on the grafter's Shoes; paid for with the gritty coin you caught in your teeth.

Hidden among the crowds and the polished leather, there lives another breed with A human face.
One not twisted and distorted by throwaway reproach.
It takes a surprising level of regard to pick them out as they often don the same Paint as the revilers.  
However, these are the gems that can cut through thick skin, penetrating the Mortar, to find flesh.
They pulse with you and quiet the frayed edges.
They are your rhythm and your reason for perseverance.
They see to it that your resentment doesn't have time to settle in your bones.
They are much too few and far between.

Express with me
Breathe less with me
Undress with me
Make a mess of me

Break me
Make me
Take from me
Do anything but ache for me

Leave me
Deceive me
Free me
Do anything but be with me

When you said we were done
I initially was angry because
I wanted to hate you so badly
But I only loved you.

A few days later,
I realize that, though I do love you
more than anything,
A part of me also resents you.
And maybe my anger was not,
In fact, because I couldn't hate you,
But because I knew a part of me does
And all I want to do is love you.

The last time you asked if I hated you for ending it;
I couldn't, because I understood.
But this time, you didn't ask
You didn't care
And I'm not sorry that I wasn't good enough,
Because you're the one who couldn't
Handle the distance.
Let your cravings and desires
Override a love
To where you couldn't feel it anymore.

I wish I could understand,
But I can't.
And I resent you for hurting me this way.
At least before I knew you still loved me,
Now I couldn't even tell you liked me.

Enjoy your freedom and experience
While I'm trapped as a prisoner
To my own mind.
The dreams of you continue and
Waking up hurts more than I can explain.
But I love you.
And, unfortunately, that will never change.

Face it,
I'm a follow up.
To use all this time and quickly cast aside?
Honey, I'm not so simple to avoid.
I'll make sure
to close up for you one day.

maybe if i hold my breath for a little while longer
everything would start to fade and
my vision would start with a tinge of darkness
to black out your face as
you spit out your words of hatred
that must taste so foul falling from your lips
but don't worry, darling, i know you're afraid of showing kindness
so i'll turn them into words of affection
(and maybe all i wanted was to feel worthy of
something other than the sadness that had started to
gnaw its way inside my mind to the point of contentment)

Every time you swear you love me I can't help but wonder if you've said the same thing to her. Do you say ithat in the same breath? Would you dare? I wish I was more surprised at your sudden disappearance but old habits die hard, right? You insist that you love me but your actions have always spoken louter than your ******* words. And I am always a fool for thinking anything different. I am consistently broken by you because I want to believe you so badly. I want someone to love me that much, and to love them back without fear. I hope you know I'm not a game or a toy to only be played with when you feel like it or when it's convenient for you. I will hate myself for always letting you in and you will always manipulate your way. I should've  known better. I hope you read this and know that you ****** up. Don't expect forgiveness and don't think that I will ever forget.

Daddy's little girl
she just can't see
She thinks daddy loves mommy but how can that be
Does he love with his fist
Or is it when her face meets his knee

What mommy doesn't give
Daddy takes
Poor baby girl doesn't know that's how she was made
And although the bruises fade
Mommy can never look at him the same
But in his daughter's eyes she doesn't want him to change
She's still hoping to marry a man like daddy someday


Daddy's little girl
Blinded by his love and the things she can't see
Daddy loves mommy
just a little differently
With his fist
not his heart
But how can that be

In his daughter's eyes
He's the sun
the moon
and the stars
But if only she could see mommy's scars

The pure taste so very sweet
On my bitter tongue