I have a storm of negative emotions, swirling and twisting, each one goading the other to keep burning. When one finally dims down, another takes its place; resentment, hate, rage, and sadness. This storm is my strength, just as this storm is my biggest weakness. If only, for a bit, would the storm stop. If only, there was a sun above the clouds. If only, there was something inside me other than this storm.
Javier Garza May 27
Wading in the murky puddle
You search for it
You thirst for it
The purified water
The clean elixir

The mud slows you down as the anxiety builds
Soon desperation has sunk its fangs

Yearning for the far out of reach clear elixer
You land on your knees
Crying to the heavens
Agonizing over your parched, burning throat

You collect the tears unseen,
Drink your own toxins hoping to sedate the fire
Instead you strengthen the resentful flames

All you see is the puddle you're wading through,
Suffering, dying, searching for Life's ichor
Never once looking up,
Never truly opening your eyes
Never once catching glimpse of the enormous lake up ahead with clean water
We all yearn for something in this world,  something that'll make us feel better, something that will quench our suffering even if ever so slightly. Yet we tend to look for it in all the wrong places, going about it in all the wrong ways, turning something that might've been wonderful,  into another instrument in our masochistic self torture; furthering our inner suffering. When in fact, what was truly healthy, could be been achieved had we opened our eyes and seen things differently.
Javier Garza Apr 18
Opened eyes that see so little
Cataracts of cynicism cloud your life
You preach about how you see reality
Yet you fall prey to your own illusion

Denied of a life of warmth and light
You bear the burden of your own grudge
Struggling with the pain
Baring your fangs to all who come near you

Pride that's shallow
It leads the way to solitude
Are your broken beliefs worth this much?
Has your anger tainted you beyond repair?

Strength that is a fraud
You stand tall with those blind eyes ablazed
That power of yours is nothing more than a lie to hide your pain
People tend to hide from reality and live a lie just to not hurt.
Javier Garza Mar 19
Fell for the Mask
Was fooled by the illusion
Thought it was my light
That it was hope;
It was nothing but a reflection from the porcelain lie

Slipped into the fantasy,
And now the Mask starts to crack

Crevices part through the facade
And I fall
I fall into the darkness behind the Mask
To a place where there's no light
Not anything to shine upon the harsh reality

I made this Mask
I put it on willingly;
Now I crumble alongside my Mask of lies
Javier Garza Sep 2017
I'm weak
I shed tears
I curl up into weakness
And bleed silver regrets

Can't stand on my own
My mirrage was a fraud
Solitude isn't strength
It's hell

I scream
When I lose all control
My power stripped leaves me genuine
I'm the secret you all hold dear

I fall apart
Fools gold won't be bought by everyone
Discerning eyes will see the truth
The ugly that we all hide

I'm human
What we deny
For power and status
We shun what makes us valuable
The raw emotions that makes us weep and bleed
I'm the part of you that has been deemed too strong to display
Too strong to share
Why do we hide that which makes us humans, that which makes us who we are
Javier Garza Aug 2017
if you want to bask in the shine of this double edge sword, bear the bittersweet bliss of being around him while the whole time hoping for more, expecting less, and enjoying the moment as it happens
Javier Garza Jul 2017
He struggles to drag the pencil
Can't find the strength to pick up the brush
Falls into the pure canvas

How can he depict the colors that haunt him
The vivid oils that torment him

With shaking hands,
The pen floats above the untainted
To smear the dark ink would be to sin

Tears are all the empty canvas take
No polluted graphite to smear it
Paint won't wound the prestine white

Preserve the innocent
Protect the untainted
Even if it's a lie,
Even if under the surface colors reign in chaos
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