i let my mother lay in her garden,
an apron of floral gods shining underneath lunar light.

she was still laughing when i wept,
words went dry as they crept underneath my teeth,
and were flung into the wet night.

one “sorry” stuck in between three stars;
she dripped with dust that scorned my skin.

blood matted my hair and broke my soul,
my own bones betrayed what i praised;
blood of the covenant had been shed in a parsley field of bumbling hearth, and we felt nothing near remorse.

just great gore upon our hands that grew into chalices as we drank our guilt,
just the ropes that made our necks red and raw with wracking sobs.
when this is all you feel, remorse gets thrown to the backseat of a chevy,
and we’re reminded of a youth like yellow wildflowers,
but i also think of the girls i kissed and how they made their hands into knives that weaved through ribcages and spilt the contents of a soul onto indian blankets.
when this is all we feel, we don’t feel remorse because it is a state you live in and i can’t feel the difference between regret and love.

we let a mother lay in her garden,
her apron of morbid gods was buried by the mourning sun.

The hearth is almost cold now,
My rooms are dimly lit;
The shadow near the firebox
Stirs the ashen pit.
They'll peer through my window,
Point and query why
I sat under my blanket
Wearing such a smile.

For thirty years I lived within you,
For twenty years without;
Still you show up in many rooms
For the living and the dead.
I'm stopped, I stand in awe of you,
Then must turn my head.

You glide by me like deking strangers,
You never glance my way;
I see whispers when you move your lips,
Hear bursts of laughter from my perch.
And even so, what could I say:

     That roads once merged
     Now diverge
     To maneuver through terrain,
     Traversing time's hard memories
     That cannot be reclaimed.

Just once more in a well-lit room,
When all the kids are present,
We would share our stories,
Catch up on years gone by.
Laugh because we can now
At times that made us cry.

Seeing into oblivion:

She sits silent nervously looking at the clock,
As seconds move as if no time moves at all.
Pausing she breathes and her eyes flicker
Around the colorless  walls seeing strangers silent.

The window of her viewing lies empty awaiting
Its guest of only moments breath leaking away.
She looks at the contours of what will be *justice
In her eyes for what isolated her in these lonely thoughts.

She hears whispers of others speculation, trying
So hard not too hear the ideas of others. So not
To contaminate her thinking of what is about to
Happen, she sees a vision of him smiling then blinks.

A door stretches into the room as a figure greats
What will deplete his moments as they drip away.
He looks forward only seeing the looking glass, she
Watches him walk and a tear cascades downwards.

A short walk takes along time:

He had asked for so few things for his last meal,
Thoughts of what difference does it make when
He walks all will taste as silence. He recollects his
Awaking to what is about to happens and sighs.

"Come on  one  more drink,
"Ok then just*  one,

Those words haunt him now "One, how could
Such a small number bring so much to this
Conclusion of what he is. One man, one second
Then life changed, waking handcuffed to an ER bed.

Flashing imagery goes through like a scratched DVD
replaying that imagery over and over again. He shudders
At what had happened, moving then motionless screams
Then silence. Never seeing them, thinking it a lucid dream.

But here he sits chains adorn him, as his final walk is
Granted, the pastor prays with him. A tear falls where
Many have fallen numerous times before. He adds his
Legacy where others will sit and tears fall more.

Eyes stare but only  one  sees a reflection:

His legs tremble, but noting is seen, he composes
Himself in each step. One foot in front of another
So few are left. He sees himself, head shaven features
Withdrawn he pauses then lies shaking slightly more.

She sees him staring into his own observation of self,
He stares wondering of whom stares back then all
Is revealed as curtains are exhumed and those now
See each and their is a brief pause then silence.

A droplet steals  breath:

He sees her as he I restrained a tear of regret falls, she
Just stares and sees her husband now silent. She looks
Away and he just lingers in that moment, a final word
Is spoken a last request of consonance thought.

"I made one mistake, I cant take it back,
I am sorry for what one moment caused,
"I leave here with only regrets left in my place,

She sits silently as the life in that which lies before
Her ceases and she sits silently. She holds her hand
To her chest and grasps gently on to a ring. One that
Was taken from her, but now can finally in peace rest.

Perhaps this time,
It wasn't supposed to be.
Maybe this fleeting happiness
Will some how come to stay,
But I no longer clutch such false hopes.
For me,
I feel a void expanding in my chest;
It never slows,
Increasing as fast as the wind blows.
It's no wonder the feelings,
In which once ran free,
No longer come to me
In gusts like vibrations,
Washing over the sea.
So once again
I ponder the ways
I'll never be able to keep the tears at bay.
A part of me wishes
I'll one day be better,
But I already know
It'll be forever.
For now I just wait
Until I awake,
So then I'll be the one I should be,
Not who I've come to be...

I opened up my world to her
I let her have it all
I showed her things she'd never see
So why'd she let me fall?

I offered her my love and soul
All the things I had
I opened up my universe
Yet why am I still sad

The reason why my heart pumps gray
And clouds have turned to lead
She planted my love in an unmarked grave
All the flowers dead

And as he sat alone in his room, he felt bitter remorse. Who is it that he hates? Himself, or God?
Maybe he'll die someday and remember what it felt like to be human, but until that day comes, he's nothing but a parasite.