Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
axr Nov 2015
I tell myself I will write something new everyday but it's all a lie.

Oh dear, I have become a monster to my self.
In other news, my depression has gotten out of hand and I feel demotivated to write poetry.
Jellyfish Oct 2015
Dizzy not silly
tears are forming
inhale - exhale
feelings swarming.

Maybe it'll rain
wash away this pain
inhale - exhale
today.

Drowning
you're not
around me
inhale - exhale
just surround me.

No apathy
lines are discrete
inhale - exhale
inside empty sheets.

Feelings ricochet
please don't
go away
inhale - exhale
nothing remains.
Not sure if I wrote the title right or not.
Hopefully you'll get what I mean though.
Jellyfish Oct 2015
My heart raced so unsteadily as I read the sentences that you sent to me
I know that you love me and I hope you know that I'm in love with you..
I'm aware that some of the things that I write (some being most) aren't all that happy, I can get stuck in dark places sometimes and have problems while trying to find my way out of them but I think I'll just stop worrying for a while and try to be happy, especially if that means being happy with you.. I don't want to give you any reason(s) to be upset or worry so I'll try my best not to.
Jellyfish Oct 2015
What will I do
when I have nothing to lose
when everyone finally sees
that there are so many
reasons to leave me?
insecurities
abandonment
suicidal questions
I'll understand if and
when you leave
I'm no one
special
even when
I have nothing.
Jellyfish Oct 2015
You released a mechanical type of chemical inside of my brain it drove me insane but *you did it anyways.
Jellyfish Oct 2015
There are still days where I'm iffy
and want to run away from this place,
I'm entangled inside of empty space.
Some days I think that I'll be okay
I'm no longer contemplating
the way that I once did
but other days
I disagree
with not only me
but everything
I would like
to disappear
because of
these
*twisted emotions.
Amanda Sep 2015
One morning with a tired mind,
I aimlessly stared into my coffee,
eyeing the cream as it swirled in circles,
and it reminded me of the time we danced
in your kitchen at two in the morning,
and you pulled me into your arms so close
that I could smell the whiskey on your breath.
The world passed by around us in pirouettes
of blurry madness and drunken bliss.
Sometimes it makes me wonder why
the rain on my window pane doesn’t echo the
words you last said to me while we stood alone.
Jellyfish Aug 2015
A mask is something I often tried to wear,
never succeeding always ending up snared.
                   -Snared within my own insansity
I'm somewhat surprised I still grasp my humanity
it seems it's all I have left after all I've finally noticed
it doesn't even matter my ****** expression
it doesn't have to be a way to express my emotions.
If I remain neutral, who will really take that into consideration?
Grace Jordan Aug 2015
This isn't really a poem. Or it is. I'm not sure. Its something.

I'm tired and after this poem will go to bed. I need bed. Everything is so complicated. Life is so complicated.

Love is complicated.

Please shut up romantic twits, including me. Not just romance. All love.

I don't reach out to friends enough. This is my fault.

My friends don't reach out to me enough. This is their fault.

I should call my family more. That's a simple fact.

And yesterday I was constantly spewing internally about how perfect my boyfriend is. I mean, he's pretty great, but not perfect. No one is. He's perfect when it counts, and that's what matters. And he loves me. A lot.

I'm listening to sad love songs. I have no clue why. I felt compelled, even though I have nothing to be sad about really. Nothing is wrong, or at least I don't think. Is there?

I don't know with my head.

Its turns and winds and an endless staircase of confusion. Its Wonderland. Its a mess. Some days its crazily planning way ahead into the future, some days it can't even plan the next five minutes.

I mean what's nice is lately it tends to plan things with my boyfriend, but I digress.

My back hurts. My knee hurts. I'm tired.

I want magical important words to spew from my fingertips right now but i simply cannot find them. My heart is broken. I'm rejecting even the words' love. The end's beginning. Or the beginning is ending. I know nothing right now.

My head is cloudy, my eyes are heavy, but I feel there's more. That there's something important right behind my eyelids and I need to dig it out before I fall asleep. Should I get some knives, a scalpel, carve it out for my sanity's sake?

I was here.

I guess that matters. I tried. But ******, sometimes trying isn't enough. My boyfriend likes to say, there is no try, only do and do not. And i want to do. I  love to do things. Sometimes they just don't do.

Homework titles swarm my head. Broken Glass. Change. For Writing. Fat is not a Fairytale. Human.

Guess even the stories that have nothing to do with me have my heart in them. So why is my heart eluding me now, when I feel like I might need it most? I'm blowing this out of proportion. I do that. Someone once told me I feel too much for attention. Maybe I do.

Another said I didn't know true depression. One said if he can make himself will himself to be better I have no excuse. Several said I was selfish and a tiring person to be around, because I made everyone walk on eggshells. Because I was a burden. Maybe they're right. Maybe I've been stubborn and fooling myself this entire time. Maybe its all my fault.

I've been blaming genetics and events but ****, maybe the answer is attached to the brain I find so unruly. Maybe its me.

The people who surround me now make me think otherwise, but what if they turn out just the same. What if I **** up everyone I touch. What if I turn them all away. Life can do terrible things to people, you know.

If they want to leave, its ok. I'll remember them though. I remember everyone who leaves. They leave pretty scars on my heart that I like to count late at night, like battle wounds proving myself that maybe I'm strong, maybe I'm not what they say.

But who knows, according to them its all my fault.

Who knows anymore. I like to think I'm human, but after years of being told you're a monster, its pretty hard, right?

Makes sense that I get so close, so broken by those words. I am deformed, and I am ugly, and those are crimes for which the world shows little pity. I am a monster, only a monster, and I must obey and stay in here.

I put up a pretty front but eventually someone gets in. Maybe its brave of me, or stupid. They come in and they promise they see me and will not turn away, but they always do. They always defend me, but put me aside. They never pick me. A face as hideous as my face was never meant for heaven's light.

But then an angel smiled at me, and kissed my cheek without a trace of fright. I dare to dream that he might even stay for me, I swear it must be heaven's light.

But in the nights, when I'm alone with my thoughts, I'm so afraid that I'll push him away. That he won't stay, that I won't be enough, that he'll turn astray because I'm too broken.

But then I look at him and I realize though I loved those before, they have never been him. He is kind and understanding and makes me smile and makes me completely forget I am a monster. Maybe with him I'm not. Its beautiful and terrifying, because I know I love him, and i could love him forever. But if I push him away, if I ruin this too, If I can't love him then who?

I've never believed in soulmates, I always thought it was stupid and silly and still kind of do. But if that stupid, silly thing exists, I'd be almost convinced he was mine. Hell, three months in and we were talking about kids and love and nothing about it felt forced or too early. I was worried because of what others would think, how everyone else would find it rushed and crazy. But I guess we are crazy.

I'm crying out of joy and sadness and fear and all of it right now and I can't keep it straight.

I always thought home was back where my extended family was, where I was born and ripped from when I was young. And its still one of my homes. I was for years desperate to go back, but I found my college to be home too. My friends, my freedom, my life is there.

But the best home I've ever discovered is the one I have when I'm with him. I would follow his crazy, ******* to the ends of the earth.

I just want to be home. With him and at college. I love my family, but this isn't my place. This isn't where I belong.

I almost died here, literally. I'm ready to go back to living.

My joints all hurt. The night is threatening me, and my body is succumbing. But the ramblings were nice. They were reflective. They were something. They were complicated. They were love. They were me. They were you.

They were a snapshot of life.
Jellyfish Jul 2015
I don't want to be without you anymore.
You were someone who evened out my scores.
I need you to stay by my side, no matter what.
Don't leave me alone tonight.

"I don't care if we're in some ****** *** apartment.
Laying on a worn out mattress."

With you, I don't have to hide.
I hate myself for taking so long to notice.

I'm sorry, the future wasn't my main focus.
But now I know I can make it.
But I only want to make it with you.
Don't say that we're through.

Take me with you.
I posted this once before, but was annoyed with myself after and removed it. I guess it isn't so bad.
Next page