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Zelos7 Jun 2017
I jumped through billion hoops to get reaction
Yet, through getting it I achieve no satisfaction
The malfunctioning brain brings pain
To my lackluster stumbles through life, filled with strain
And though I try to maintain a facade of "alright"
In this tunnel, it's harder and harder to see any light

Fight back, fight back for the heck of it
Spit, blood and sweat for spilled for the lit of it
Like check your own pulse to make sure you are still alive
Like challenge yourself to not dare to feel deprived

At this moment, I dare to ponder
Of this nihilistic nightmare, am I the founder?
Benji James Jun 2017
Do you ever wonder
Or get lost in deep thought
What everyone would think
And feel when you're gone
Do you run through scenarios
Inside of your head
What will be the last thing you do
What will be the last thing that you said
I find myself at a crossroads
What legacy can I leave behind

Just know that when I'm gone
I'm sorry for the hurting
That I've caused
I'm sorry for the anger I made you feel
I'm sorry for not taking the blame
When it was my fault
I hope you cherish the smiles and good memories

Hope when I get to the other side
I can look down and see
The footprints I left inside
Everyone else's life
What kind of marks did I leave
Did I inspire, did I hurt
Did I leave you with meaningful words
I just hope I can see
The people who'll remember me

Tell me do you ever try to come to grips
With the mistakes that you made
The hurt that you gave
Can you forgive, what if they forgave
Could you forgive yourself
For the pain that you made
And sometimes I lack confidence
Sometimes the self-doubt wins out
Sometimes I'm lost in train of thought
and I can't seem to find my way out

Just know that when I'm gone
I'm sorry for the hurting
That I've caused
I'm sorry for the anger I made you feel
I'm sorry for not taking the blame
When it was my fault
I hope you cherish the smiles and good memories

Hope when I get to the other side
I can look down and see
The footprints I left inside
Everyone else's life
What kind of marks did I leave
Did I inspire, did I hurt
Did I leave you with meaningful words
I just hope I can see
The people who'll remember me

I wonder what the effect is I will leave
I wonder will they ever see past the emotions that they read
I wonder what will you see
The day this earth is taken from beneath my feet
What kind of legacy is it I will leave
I hope it's something with meaning
I hope the hurt I left found healing
I hope the hearts that broke
Got completed because of the emptiness I left
I hope that everyone I came across finds happiness
I hope the message I leave have meaning

Just know that when I'm gone
I'm sorry for the hurting
That I've caused
I'm sorry for the anger I made you feel
I'm sorry for not taking the blame
When it was my fault
I hope you cherish the smiles and good memories

Hope when I get to the other side
I can look down and see
The footprints I left inside
Everyone else's life
What kind of marks did I leave
Did I inspire, did I hurt
Did I leave you with meaningful words
I just hope I can see
The people who'll remember me

©2017 Written By Benji James
Inkveined Jan 2017
I suppose it was inevitable.

The fact that we would meet.

The fact that I would expect warm sunshine where there was a storm brewing.

The fact that I tried my best to convince myself that I wasn't going to fall when I already had.

The fact that I ignored the alarms ringing through my mind and pretended that they were just music.
And when I finally got dragged back to reality after having lost the argument.
Jason Weihl Dec 2016
I passed by that tree the other day.
The one nestled between two thorn bushes
and just past a ravine
along the upper trail of Old Man’s Cave in Hocking Hills,
surrounded by two thousand acres or so
of dense forest.

I laughed to myself because
The old birch hadn’t changed since I had last seen it.
But it certainly felt different.

The same gray cloak of bark
covered the tender matter inside.
Golden foliage still swayed above me
like it did on that brisk November afternoon.

Today is brutally brisk,
but I have to admit that I did stop for a second to reminisce
under the once comforting blanket of its shadow.
I fixed my now nostalgic, sepia-toned gaze on the bark
and traced my fingers over the scar that we left.

I remembered looking for the perfect one with you.
It was this one, we both thought.
And so were you, at least I thought.

My cold blade carved into the robust fortress of its surface
exposing the birch’s reddish-tan, natural finish underneath.
It then became our tree,
not just any tree, in a forest, on a planet full of them.

I remembered you telling me a couple months back about
how much you admired trees,
and how I should read Trees. Reflections and Poems
by Hermann Hesse, and I did almost immediately.

“Trees are sanctuaries.”
was our favorite quote from the poem, we decided.
And it was the most relevant.
Our tree had become a grand symbol
that would carry in our memory,
what it meant to love and be loved.

But now its just that,
another tree in a forest
that we scarred.
And that, now, scars us.
In the a place outside of any place.
In the space between space.
where there was never a point without anything,
or  a point filled with something.
Is the incomprehensible question;
with it's incomprehensible answer.
This is what happens if I listen to Sun Ra.
tl b Oct 2016
If a wood is quiet enough,
leaves falling from trees
sound like feet shuffling,
sneaking up behind me.

I ponder a fall morning.

With a shushed mind,
stark silent as this fall morning,
I can hear the whispers from within
telling myself the truth.
Rianna Sep 2016
and now i sit here
in the rain
pondering my life
and the use of capitalization.
and why we so very
seldom appreciate
the birds or the sky.
but i understand
the need for liquor or smoke
because it's a hard fight.
it's been a beautiful fight
still is.
Again the end quote "It's been a beautiful fight, still is" is by my favorite poet Charles Bukowski.
Beginning: A lamb with a fluffy fleece
Soon she will be naked
These fine strands of taken
To be twisted by a machine
From an atom-like jumble comes a line
And the line is to be twisted yet again
But twisted in a methodical pattern
Cast off, put on. The sock.
Am I the sock or the wearer of the sock? I am never sure
I watch the ceiling fan make redundant circles
As my head pounds in tune with the footsteps down the hall
And I don't find myself intrigued between the pages of my favorite books like I usually do
And I can't seem to remember what embrace feels like at all
I watch the clock tick hours away as I lay underneath my blankets, a steady shelter to calm my storming insides
I look to the dresser where memories of brighter days linger
And I reminisce on days just as these
Pressure just keeps getting stronger
And this is the time where angst seems to naw at my insides
But it's not like "when will I get a new job" or "would my parents be proud"
It's like an endless drizzle over my head because the clouds won't leave me the **** alone
Trapped inside of a walk-through town and people who walk on you
But staying in this dead ended mess that seems to be the only thing I know
I wonder if someday these walls will collapse on me and drywall will find its way into my lungs
I guess this how it feels to grow up
Mark Teo May 2016
If I can never get to you again
Then I might as well go back
To all the days of open arms
Which I fear I may lose track
                
                                      Back
                                 Back
                           Back
                    Back
              Back
       Back
Back
Until I reach the moments where the world was not to lack
Until I can remember that gentle flush of crimson
Every time I heard your name
Until the walls and numbers
Stopped bringing us further and further away
Until knowing you were by my side filled all my stars and skies
And the dewfall scattered rays in hearts of rainbow-colored lights
Until I can find the traces of this past we left to decay
A life that wasn't living in the eyes that saw today
Instead circling to the past
A wisp of a wish long gone
And admit that this disease that brings back time
Must soon be dealt as done
It's cool how one of the most dangerous of types of virus is the one that incorporates itself as a part of you, the one that goes back into you, merging with your body, killing you bit by bit, but I wonder if I'm the virus trying to **** the past by going back, or is the past just killing me...
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