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astraea Oct 2018
she is drowning again.
this time she knows the truth
-she can’t do this anymore.
and this time she knows that her mother’s hand is not the hand she needs in hers,
and that she walks alone on the only road she’d ever known.

as the road diverges, her feet are spread further and further apart,
so she’ll fall into a deep crevice,
or jump.
she’ll fall before jumps.

maybe there will a river at the bottom,
so ice cold.
but she’d move along,
and she does love to swim.

maybe it’ll be ground,
and she’ll break all her bones.
then she’ll pick herself up,
keep walking.

what if an abyss is just an abyss?
a pit of nothing,
a pit where you’re falling and you don’t know,
how low you’ll go.

and if you expect wings,
how would you create them on the way down
-no one cares enough to strap them to your back,
because no ones cares.

she knows, it’s all her fault.
you know.

she’s been told she’s everything,
and she wants to be everything.
but her heart is gone.

her appetite is gone,
and the once hungry girl
is left picking at her plate.
Amanda Aug 2018
I'm falling, feeling, spinning,
Just out of arm's reach,
The sharp abyss seems to muffle
My frightened dismal screech.

Don't jump down for me,
I am not worthy to save,
For what else is as shallow
As my predestined grave?

Don't present me with a chance,
It is almost too late,
Please leave me with my thoughts,
I can handle fate.

Don't even try to fix me,
I am not worth your time,
The pit I am descending is
A long way back up to climb.
I wish everyone would stay away so they dont get hurt
MicMag Jul 2018
Sometimes


I fall
Into a bottomless pit

Of despair



Other times



It's a bottomless chasm
The intense realization of utter insignificance is profoundly distressing and in occasional brief moments infinitely insurmountable.
Starlight Jul 2018
We have all the time in the world
She coos to herself
Trying to pull herself out
From the pit she has buried herself in.

We have all the time in the world
We have forever
With such a cursed double-edged sword as life
Giving us freedom and pain.

She claws her way with
Dirtied fingernails
Chapped lips
A crinkled smile like a chip packet
Out of the dark hole.

The sun is too bright
And she cries out like the
Monster
She has become.

'I have everything'
She says, because it is true
She holds love like a dying bird
Smothering its freedom in a hope to keep it with her
She strangles knowledge with
A dark mind
Which thinks of nothing but broken records and the
Repeat of
'I hate myself'.

Life is beautiful
She muses as she spreads her darkness with her
Tainting all those she speaks to
Even with a glance they become ruined.

Why do you love me
She swears like it is a
Foul curse
As her mother stares at her
With too old dark eyes
That speak of ignorance
And biting knowledge.

The wind howls
'I hate you'
As if it were consoling her
Maybe it was.

It sweeps her off her feet
And carries her out to somewhere else
She had been standing too long
Almost looking living
And now needed to die for a week or so
Bury herself again
And wallow
As if her world were imperfect.

She walks to school
Always tugging at her sleeve
Always wondering if they see it
But don't care
If they see her
But don't care
If they whisper about her
But don't care.

She wonders if they care.

'Look away'
She lies
She wants a hug
But she also wants a slap
And a shout
And for someone to say
'Snap out of it, you're not a child.'

She is a child
Even if she is not
Even when she is
Her eyes are old
Yet she has seen no war
Or violence
No one hates her
No one that matters
But yet her eyes seem to absorb the elderly
As she looks around her
Stealing life from others.

'I curse my empathy'
Even when someone sneers she wonders why
She pities them
She wishes to understand their hate
She doesn't heal her bruises
She longs to heal other's bruises.

Yet she is still innumerably selfish.

The cow.

She looks behind her
Someone is there
Always there
Paranoia, hypersensitivity
She sees people who aren't there
Always about to tap her on the shoulder
And she spins around
Heart racing
Breath catching
The anxiety throb in her leg pulsing again like clockwork...

No one is there.

What do they want
She thinks loudly
Hoping they can hear her
And she won't have to say it out loud.

Truly she is selfish
Even if they asked her
She would deny them
For she hates them
All of them
For they are happy
And she is not.

Why am I angry
She whispers mournfully
She should be grateful
Look at her house
Dog
Friends
Parents
Cuts
She is so lucky
She should feel happy
Doesn't she have it all.

It is not a question
She bangs out nonsensically
Drumming away
Her fingers tapping in anxiety
And fear
And maybe sadness
And maybe cryptic malevolent amusement.

She climbs back down into her pit of despair.
Its warm.

How oddly comforting.
Daniel Ruiz May 2018
My head is spinning,
My life stands still
Contemplating,
From a far,
Different forms
Of discomfort can be felt
By her gaze,

Life ain’t trying to help
I can’t stand up by myself
Then why do I have another
Opportunity,
At it.

Why can’t I escape
This living hell,

Why can’t you see
I ain’t feeling well,

Since this is the second time,
That you’ve seen me,
Fall,

And yes I fell,
I fell kilometers
Of profound,
And utter
Identity,  

I can’t see the sky,
The only thing that helped me
Find my way,
From the bottom
of this bottomless pit,

My head hits,
Against every wall,
They are the ones that cry,
They are the ones that moan,
I don’t see myself falling any deeper,
Or so I have been told.

Life doesn’t seem to care,
But let’s be honest,
Neither do I,

If I cared,
if I cared enough
I wouldn’t be falling,

I wouldn’t be what I am,

I wouldn’t be.
Simra Sadaf May 2018
The truth is, the walk was so long, you forgot where it all began,
you forgot to think twice before trusting someone so blindly,
you forgot to ask questions that questioned loyalty,
you forgot to find out if the love was ever real, if it were ever present,
you forgot to question their true intentions,
you forgot to peel off the mask,
you forgot to unravel the monster hiding behind that innocent face,
you forgot to decode the real meaning behind all the sugarcoated words,
you forgot to notice if the person was ever real,
you forgot that love does not drag you to the dark pit of hollowness,
you forgot that love does not scar you,
you forgot that love does not consume you till it ruins your flesh,
you forgot that love does not drill a hole through your heart,
you forgot that love does not asphyxiate you;
the severity of all this grows every second of everyday,
making you question your own worth,
making you question if your existence ever mattered,
convincing you this darkness will last forever,
that you will never find light,
that you will never crawl out of this pit,
and I swear by God's name, there is nothing in this world that can make it better.
Garrett Chestnut Apr 2018
Rats in a line,
All ordered and filed,
For miles, they stretch,
Each tail to a head,
Faces calm and well-worked,
No scuffle, noise or protest,
No words, because they know none;
Every few moments they shuffle,
Further down the dirt path,

Approaching a pit,

A pit, very wide,
The width, of course, not their concern,
The leader stops
Before the pit’s mouth, staring into blackness;

With a thought, he falls, silently,
Carelessly,
Wind rushing between his legs,
Whisking itself up against his eyes, ears, and lips,
In fantastic flight

Into uncertainty

A new leader takes hold,
This one, shaken;
He stares into the abyss,
But soon realizes the
Horrifyingly insipid Earth surrounding him

Soulless branch after branch,
Teeming with filth and despair,
Rays of sun dampened by a
Caustic fog

A nudge from his successor
Forces him out of his
Epiphanous trance,
And into the well of nothingness,
Squealing

Who falls the fastest,
The philosopher or the realist?
Cana Feb 2018
3am
3am. It’s alive.
a faster beating heart
It’s the whir of the air conditioning
Removing the heat and leaving the sticky sludge over the soul
deep breaths to calm
blades to sever thick ship lines to the past
It’s the drip of the cat fountain
3am it’s a brutal hour it’s a painful hour
It’s a dead hour.
A collection of words I found written on my phone. I don’t remember the process or when it was written. Just that it was.
Godlink Dec 2017
Repetition of dreams,
nightmares it would seem,
dreamt we lost it too,
I hope that it's not true.
Woke up head of sweat,
heart pounds with regret,
I wanted to forget,
never want to fret.
Can't get it out of my mind,
emotions trapped, confined,
it seems more silver lined,
despair my heart was signed.
So when I lay to rest,
I'll try my very best,
not to think of all the things,
that put my emotions and heart to test.
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