I am a stubborn *****
I am cold hearted
I am whatever you think

I am also tenacious
I am a survivor
I am adaptable

... Perspective

the asteroid hit the earth so long ago that
                                                             i do not remember a time before.  
(the bones of dinosaurs do not remember a time before they were
petrified into brittle and fragile memories; the moon does not recall
who she was before she got stuck in the earth’s orbit; uranus knows
nothing of how he came to spin on his side.)

you could stick your hand through
any of the gas giants and find
                                                          your whole body
                                                           slidi­ng through.  
this same theory can be applied to my skin.  i have very little gravity,
or at least it feels that way most days.

maybe it depends on how you look at it:
one way is perfect, and the other all wrong.  the woman in the casket could either be sleeping or dead.  she could either be a stranger or my mother.  the head or the tail.  the light or the dark.  the two sides of the moon.  the comet striking through the night sky.  the interdimensional toll could refuse to let you through.  the cult could accept or deny your entry request.  there is one and there is the other.  the upside down.  the rightside up.  the parallel universe.  the evil twin.  it’s fresh and then it’s rotten.  this could either hurt a lot or a little.  it depends on how much you let in: how willing you are to bend to the emotional blow.

science says that the human body tends to
                                                            forget physical pain as a survival tactic.
but science says jack **** about emotional pain.

so am i living?  or am i just existing?
     the difference is six feet deep.

Staring at bricks
stuck together
Lying and thinking whether
worth the kicks.

What's the point
a dull voice voiced
undermining the excited one
Life, more like a temple run

Everyone's aiming for high
like cannabis cannibalizing cerebellum
I can't think of a reason why
follow withered curriculum

Last nail has been hammered
Once again it surfaced
as I gaze with my face dazed
among others with thought so tattered.

Sparked thoughts invoke fear, forming beads of sweat
Spurred on by these scars that we’ll not soon forget
This vertiginous vortex whips us along
Unwilling and restless, we’re compelled to go on

Heed peace in panic states
Lord knows the hour’s late
We choose to hide, don’t trust our fate
It’s flee or fight—it cannot wait

Spinning, swerving, bridges burning
Scenes shift and change but we’re still hurting
A carousel of doors revolving
Eyes shut and open, each blink absolving

Take off and leave it all behind
We’ll ne’er escape our judging minds
Change what you will, can’t be denied
Embrace darkness within the light

it doesn’t have to mean anything more
than a crumpled up dollar bill in an open guitar case
i hope one day i’ll learn to keep my head down
to keep walking instead of getting stuck in front of windows
it feels like i’m loitering in the parking lot of everyone else’s lives
a heap of squeezed ginger ale cans
and candy bar wrappers crowding my bare feet
i guess eventually i’ll have to leave and find out
things always look better through a side mirror
i glance back and see the orange trees in the median
a runner almost getting hit by a left-hand turn
i’m so glad i didn’t have to watch her die
instead i watch two college students nervously laugh
shifting their weight from one foot to the other
beside the crosswalk button and i sigh a little
they are on one side of the glass and i am on the other
i seem to miss the things i made sure would never happen to me
tuck myself into bed buzzing with the engine of
a snow-covered train, a reckless ellipses
it is comforting to want what i cannot have

Shining ever bright
Brighter than the stars
Glimmering in the sky, tonight

Twirling through every turn
Ever flowing strings
Surely with lessons to learn

Bumps may come along the road
Less so traveled and trodden
A message without a code
Lacking the need
If one should only read

Never knowing what one may find
When wandering along
Perhaps it was what was needed all along
Found in places most unexpected
All it took was to be redirected

Taken to an astounding view
Ever so near and new
A sky clear and endless blue
Fading to the dark
Let through the ethereal light
Of a wonderful night

- Jay M
March 24th, 2021