I was born and never sworn.
I did live but could never give,
Until to live I never did.

I had not a thing to give.

My body's weak, it fell apart,
Like my heart it came to rot,
Dismissed in cruelty, now I can't see,
And cast away like a damaged doll.

I had not a fist to raise,
I had not a heart to be restrained–
No passion in cold, dark waste.
I had no hope in this empty place:
I was born and I did die.
No one cared, so life I cried.

I am cold,
But all have loathed.
Lift me up,
I have collapsed.
I want a heart to give...

Give me your heart.

I could drive you to the city,
So you could hear how loud they scream.
Amidst the dust and torn grey ribbon,
Through their cold and granite dreams.
And i can't remember home.

And we could up and leave the city,
Because we fear how loud they scream.
Unwilling to be deafened,
By the cries of concrete teens.
And we're lost within our home.

And we could sit outside the city,
Watch their bleak fire fuel their screams.
Find our fields of warming yellow,
And smile inside our dreams.
And i can't remember home.

Reimburse my colour.
Exit through the grey window.

My hair is not wavy long
My smile leaves much to be desired
My voice can't keep to the tune of song
My personality has long expired
I stay up till 2am
No need for beauty rest
Because zombie walking through days
Eyes clouded with grey
Is when I'm at my very best

My poetry is mediocre
I failed my English test
I'm a contradiction
But I wish I was normal
like the rest
I've always come across as
a little off
Like stale milk
or green bread
And I bet you the Nile is as long
as my list of young regrets.

But how can I not live?
Time's a ticketing-tock
I have to undo the lock on my life
and the strife of my family debts
that caused us to be stuck here
In the depths of ambitious hopelessness.

And confused I may be
But I tell you that, one day, we will be.

And I promise if you let me, Freddy
I'll be the best friend you'll ever have
All I have to do is plan
                                    my steps and
                                                 try not to step
                                                     so ******* your booted toes anymore,
I am going to try.

And I will never cry
or fall
For a man, as tall or tattooed
Because his arms are like a noose
Who leaves you to hang
And you'll feel to
Never
Live
Again.

to who does speak
with nothing but words
crippling from the end of
the linked glass
between the lips
and the kiss

line of phrases
formed to emerge the soul
whose hidden within
another dimension
of the body itself

phrases came out gracefully
without any notice
while the lips hangs heavily,
the bones stand coherently,
and the tattered heart restrain poorly

to the one who does speak
owning only oneself
or not being heard
was not the problem—

—it was
the hollow feeling,
vacant presence of a body,
and another void
which could throw the soul
into a pitch black of darkness
with silenced thoughts and mouth
as no one is going to be there
to take a peek
or even save the ****** life

It doesn't matter how much people try to include me or how much I include myself. I'll always be different to everyones eyes. I'll always be an outcast, an outsider...

If i kept quiet,
If i let the comment slide,
If i tried to please the people i lost,
I would be considered pretty,
I would be liked by my boyfriends parents and family,
I would be a leader in a religious community,
And i would have gone with my boyfriend to get his tattoo today and would now be getting home from a nice birthday dinner with his family instead of fighting back tears, violently rummaging through my brain, looking for the filing cabinet labeled "flaws".
I couldn't help asking myself "what is wrong with me? What did i do wrong?"

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me. Something is wrong with you. Something is wrong with you.
You do not like me because i am not just not a pretty face with a silent smile they thought i was upon first glance. I am not always girl with her hands folded in prayer and her legs crossed. I am more then that. I have always been more then that.
You are scared,
Disgusted,
And angry.  
All because i speak up,
All because i question the unquestionable,
All because im different.
I do not just socialize with the outcasted, I hold hands with your sinners and call them "friends", and mean it when i say it.
You can follow your bible so far.  
You can not fake actions and feelings just because that book told you to.
You can not say something and mean another.
Your skin is not enough opaque,
I can see that your heart is transparent.

I am not sorry and will never be sorry that dizzied your mind.
Im am not sorry that i pulled away the fog that you have always ben accustomed to.

And now your scared.
Scared that you are not "number 1"
Scared that i will take away your son,
Scared that I will change him,
And scared to admit that it is all happening right in front of you,
But you choose to close your eyes.
And if you open them,
Even just for a peek,
You pout,
You stomp your massive feet,
and you inflict the one thing that i will never purposefully inflict on your son,
Pain.
Congratulations.

I may not ooze adoration, but i my actions can speak "love"  to a stranger louder then your carefully chosen descriptive, cryptic lingo ever could.

Your love holds no weight.

And now I feel a sadness that clings to my back and climbs through my heart.
I am the outcast because of you again.
I think he's in control,
But i forget he's still your puppet.
But he's nibbling at the strings.

I missed out today-
But you will miss out for a lifetime is you keep this up.
So listen.
He loves me.
He loves you too.
I know you don't believe in evolution,
But you can not stop him from evolving.
I didn't do anything to him.
If he didn't hear some words of wisdom from me,
He would eventually hear all of them from someone else.
So stop punishing me because you are ignorant.
Because you are ultimately punishing him when you punish me.

I am your friend...
I am the underdog/
I am the rebel/
I am the forgotten/
I am the mocked/
I stand up for the persecuted,
weak,
discriminated,

Even though am not the one who fell asleep upon a tear soaked pillow tonight,
Even though I am not the one discriminated against for something i can not change,
Even though I am not the one outcasted only to be surrounded by laughter and wallow in my self pity,
I will be that one,
Holding your hand,
Making you laugh,
Fighting for you,
And you are worth it.

You may not know,
But because of you i have lost many experiences and people.
Best Friends,
Birthday dinners,
My Thursday nights,
The religion i have been baptized into.
And still i say, you were worth it.

I see the walls to your kingdom,
Across the sea, so far away;
The cerulean waters give me no solace,
As I'm reminded only of that fateful day;
Disruptions plague the tranquil surface,
As I recall the reason I couldn't stay;
A ripple for each fallen tear,
I wish you weren't so far away..

*I stood outside those wretched gates,
Defiance coursing through every vein;
I watched them bolt the locks behind me,
Wasn't long till I felt the pain -
Separated from you, but I still couldn't doubt,
For two words they called to me,
And those were, "Get out."

No matter how many people try to ask.
I make sure they never get a glimpse behind the mask.
Because i am afraid that they will hate me for my past.
If they do i feel i will go straight into an outcast.
And i am afraid that i will be all alone.
I know i can't handle living this life all on my own.
So i make sure the mask is on tight.
But will it last until I go into the light.
What if it breaks, its hiding so much it just might.