She carries it behind her
Has a hold of her heart
Weighing her down on the daily
Unable to tear it apart

When she awakens in the morning
It sits on top her shoulders
Doesn't move and taking residence
Heavy like some gargantuan boulder

It's that monkey on her back
She carries it like some backpack
Freedom of spirit she lacks
Heart and soul showing cracks

DS

You'll give me the skies but I'll still crave her eyes
enchant me with charms, I'll ache for her in my arms
you'll point me to the right track and I'll still be lost
for I can't be found unless it's in the curvature of her smile...
forever's so long, she makes it a quarter a mile
bless me void of her and I'll be cursed
without her am a living dead , am my worst.
You'll hand me diamonds and I'll still dig her,
as she's the treasure am seeking to find...
am entangled in a maze no spell can unbind.
Forget sunshine, she's my most memorable dawn
for she's a midnight sun, a glowing moon at noon...
I'll travel the world but she'll remain the place I crave to see
the adventure I long to take, an absence that sets me in ecstasy
the hardest wave that ever hit my sails even after I cross every Sea...

Depression, obsession, this voice inside my brain...
I try my best for you but you still just walk away…
You were my light, my love, and joy
All I was to you was a stupid girl, practically your toy…
Many people ask me why I continue to fight for you...
I always tell them that because this is just a little bump in our road, we are bound to make it through...
A year has almost passed, months since you have loved me...
I am getting nervous, are we truly not supposed to be..?
You are doing you and being with any girl that comes in your path...
I just stay alone and yearn for you and the love we shared in our recent past…
The day has finally approached... This year October eighth, 2018
You still don’t want me... You still ignore me... Im starting to think this “love” thing is just a big joke...
A new guy has walked into my life..?  I don’t trust love, I've been too beaten down and misguided...
He shows true compassion and is there for me I still don’t trust him, sooner or later he will push me out as you did...
Now you know and you are upset... What do I do? I love and trust you with all my heart...
But this boy is trying to help me up.. Trying to make me think I was never hurt from the start...
You tell me you can never make me happy but I know that's not true...
I can’t lie to myself and be with him, I don’t want to be finally over you..?
You are my true love, my happiness, and joy.
Im not ready to move on... My heart still cries your name.. My eyes still see a future in yours...
I can never truly be his if all im thinking about is you behind closed doors…
Depression, obsession, this voice inside my brain...
One day I hope you’ll come back to me, I’ll show you I’m worth it, then maybe you’ll stay…

.
Her eyes,
Sunken, blue
With edges of ruddy green,
Of olive, kelp, fatigue,
A certain muddy camouflage,
Bright with purpose,
Ambition and fierce urgency,
Set their twin star sights
On me and I learned a new
Word that day—
Surrender.

I fell into formation,
Saluting her stars in the fullest light
Of the falling day.
I learned how to survive
Under such searing heat
And became intimate
With sneak attacks,
Friendly fire, sudden blitzkrieg
And the nuclear winter,
The dark sheet,
Of sorrows unveiling.
.

"Let not this world deceive you,
don't let it win,
don't make it your companion.
Don't drown in the fear it instills in your heart,
don't heed its sinful, yet captivating words.
Don't give in to its limitless beauty,
don't smile when it kisses your skin.
Don't let it force you to take a puff,
don't let it intoxicate you.
Don't let it order you,
don't let it make you dependent on it because eventually, it'll leave you.
Let not this world deceive you, my friend,
it might be kind-hearted, it might love you, but it'll also take you to hell with it.
It's a poison no one dares touch,
it's a prison no one dares enters."