If you keep wanting what you don't have,
*you'll never have what you want

So tired of begging
And pleading
For your precious time

Just a simple conversation
Would ease
My worried mind

But here I sit
Alone
Once more

And even though
You are near
Our souls could not
Be farther apart

Words seem insincere

I know it may be difficult
Or impossible
To understand

But if you felt
The pain in my heart
You would know
Without a doubt

Control is not
What I seek

I only need your hand.

- Brandi R Lowry

I want love
Just as bad as the next person...
But I want a love that can heal--
a love that can fuse together
the shattered and tarnished bits
and make me whole again.

I want a love that electrifies,
amplifies. a love that exemplifies
beauty and truth.
So done being stuffed full of lies,
demonized, anesthetized.
I want feeling, I want meaning.

I need love.

In this desolate place of lovers lost
I can be the one who "isn't in need,"
When there is a "way to uncover"
The ones always on the silver screen.

I can be...
A person who you can trust.
I can be...
A beautiful "devil of lies,"
I can be...
A loner who only fantasized
I can be...
A musician who makes music fly
I can be...
A playful lover with so much life.

But here they found them,
These marriages of "perfect love,"
We live in your hopeful world
We eat your "good cooking"
We sit in your expensive shade
We hear your "creative" music
We  repent for our "faults so grave"

I can be whatever I will,
But I will never be the one
Who ever had a dream that
Can ever be fulfilled...

I feel so much like you don't care
And I've lost myself deep somewhere
Between whispered lies and whispered truths
I guess ours was the love of youth

But to get you back is all I need
And if you'd give me a clue, give me a lead
I'd wander along, barefoot on broken glass
Just to feed you the questions I need to ask

You are what I want, what I most miss
So feed me your lies along with a kiss

I want new love
That kind of new buzz igniting the passionate flames of freedom
Like Spanish fire
Vibrant
Reds, yellows, and white
Bold and over the top
That cinematic love that faceless wonder
Beyond the tangles of a painted world
Where the heart sizzles, crackles like oil in a hot pan
The acid rub of raw emotion that chews up the back of the throat
Till there is nothing left but that sensitive ache

Where tears are from joy, and pain
Two emotions so entangled that one knows no end to the other
Where "I love yous" are murmured in the quiet
Screamed in righteous fury
Garbled in shaking tears.
I want new love
Something that is truly real.

That makes bones shatter and the mind reel
Something that binds my hands and ruffles my wings
That poisonistic aphrodisiac
Not cupid on his euphoric wing
I want raw
I WANT REAL
That feel love
That everything

True love
That fantasy
That makes me feel like a princess
The poet, the queen

I need real love, new love, and true love
All those emotions in between
Not a solemn promise, with no fire, no mind, just game
Not the fake, or whispers of what could be
I need real love, true love, that kind that only feels.

I do not need you to love me
like an insecure youth.
Life has been cruel
and taught me that such words can be mute.

I do not need you to hold me
each and every night.
I have learnt that such demands
can drive one further away.

I do not need you to change me,
or me to change you.
Such actions are poignant
like a steak through the heart.

I do need some sense of security though,
to know that you trust me
to be there when you need me
and when you don't,
and for you to do the same for me.

As long as our hearts may desire,
and faith that when they no longer do,
that I will be a sweet fading memory
for you.