I got a letter from the government
A week back, Tuesday morning
It came in a grey envelope
It was stamped with a red warning

The envelope was tattered
And the words were inked in red
To be opened by recipient
That was all it said

I checked the name typed on there
It was mine, so I could see
John Augustus Reed
Beale Street, Unit 43

I opened it and sat right down
I had been drafted so it said
I had to report on Thursday
I heard a ringing in my head

I didn't understand it all
To me it made no sense
This plain grey mottled envelope
Sent from my government

I followed the instructions
And showed up promptly at the place
Something was asunder
I could tell from the man's face

I showed him my draft letter
Explained, I didn't understand
He looked at it and laughed a bit
This wasn't what I'd planned

He said son, is this you
Are you John Augustus Reed
I told him I'm John Junior
He said that's all the news I need

This letter is a glitch, boy
It wasn't meant for you
It was sent out to your father
Back in nineteen seventy two

Somehow it was mangled
Got lost along the way
Until somebody found it
And you got it on that day

I'm glad you chose to come here
Showed up exactly when it said
But, I think you now can go on home
I think it's best, instead

It's amazing how one letter
And you can take this to the bank
Can fill a man with honor
For that I must give thanks.

I never knew,
I never knew that it would take me 7 months after he left to realize that I miss him.
I never knew how much I love my brother until 7 months after he left for boot camp.
I never knew how much you could miss someone until 7 months and 1 day after he left.
I never knew how time goes so slow until 7 months and 2 days after he left.
I never knew how I could miss the time where he would punch me and call me baby every time I said ow until 7 months and 3 days after he left.
I never knew how I could regret the times I said I hated him over the dumbest things after he left.
I never knew how pain would be the first thing on my mind when I woke after he left.
I never knew that maybe I would never see him again until 7 months and 4 days after he left.
I never knew that I might never get the chance to listen to his terrible irish music and get ice cream with him after he left.
I never knew that it would be weeks until I got to hear his voice.
I never knew that I would look up into the stands and not see him.
I never knew how much it would hurt to not get the chance to hug him after a bad day.
I never knew how much he loved me.
I never knew until now… and now is too late.

A month ago I sat in class
in a New England School for boys
Now, I'm in a bomber group
Adjusting to the noise

I made plans for Harvard
A doctor, I would be
Then my life would turn
In a way I didn't see

The war was on in Europe
We saw in the press
But, 18 days before Christmas
we were pulled into the mess

Future plans were put aside
Our country we'd support
We'd forget all of our future thoughts
We'd join, though not for sport

We signed up down in Boston
Young men flyers, soldiers all
Preparing for a battle
Many would not live till fall

We thought not of our future
Our present, all we had
Many dead by Christmas next
The thought is truly sad

You do not what you want to
But, what needs to be done
You go from boy to man so fast
You've barely walked...now run

Think back on those who made it
Remember who did not
Young men they are forever
They deserve a longer thought

The air is pure and holy
It is scattered with young souls
Boys, now men who went to war
And put aside their goals

Sitting, in the living room
my old granddad and me
another soldier dying
On our sixty inch tv

I didn't understand it
But granddad looked at me
his eyes were full and teary
he said , because of him we're free

Freedom comes in many forms
Where soldiers have to die
They're hero's after they are gone
Not before, and I ask WHY?

Grandad, wiped his tears away
He got up, and left the room
He was back a moment later
His smile in full bloom

Son, he said, just look at this
He had a scrapbook in his hands
It's full of those who fought for us
And they all died in different lands

I shed a tear each time I see
Another hero made
They fight to keep our freedom
And now to rest are laid

I sat and watched with granddad
On another night and cried
I understood the meaning
when another soldier died

Freedom comes in many forms
Where soldiers have to die
They're hero's after they are gone
Not before, and I ask WHY?

Between the Navy or Whales
I'll choose Whales EVERY TIME

The water is deep and you are gone.
again. I should be used to it. I miss you most when it rains. The petrichor drowns your scent/laugh/touch/voice- the waves of missing you crush me with their weight. Sometimes, i drown. More often, i swim. rarely, i float.

"Sea to shining sea", I you, we are lonely. Never alone, they say we say, but always alone. cold nights and endless mornings. Sometimes, on calmer days i look back .
To when you were here. When we were we. I love you. To the depth of your ocean. with the weight of your ship. To wherever you are and back again. but.

You are not here. You are gone and the dark water rises to cover my mouth so you can't hear my scream. a small mercy.
The sun rises in the morning- it makes me cry.

Our stars- the same where you are as i am in our white house on our porch with my flag- are gone. It's harder to imagine you here. the sun is too bright to lend me your warmth.  And you are gone.

I eat lunch, see friends, miss you. Our house feels like my house. But a picture reminds me. It is shared by two. Sometimes.

sometimes  i can close my eyes
         and picture you here; sometimes i think of you and smile. Mostly, i wait for you. wonder about you. Rarely do i go a day without missing you, never do i go a second without thinking of you.
    
You come back to me like the waves. But you are not- The Same. I worry until you leave again. Then constantly, i worry still.

But this time when the rain falls, you drown. I don't. yet.
The waves proved too much and they knock "rap, rap,rap" on my tiny red door in the middle of the blackest night
they are sorry, they say.
so am I, I cry until i flood the earth, fills their oceans, drown my pain and their pathetic remorse, the flag they give me is soaked but it helps me stay afloat

This little white house is mine, not ours, and i can no longer swim.

We are too happy. we were- must have been.
You are not here.You are far away and i lie alone. I wake alone.

Your letters, all i have of you- fill me with love/longing/fear. I worry for you and things you have seen. Places i won't go.

everything you don't/ can't tell me screams wordlessly in my brain. It's too loud for me to sleep. To quiet to stay awake.

i tell you only lies. pretty ones. "I love you (I do), i miss you, you'll be home soon" i want to say-
I am not okay. I miss you so much it is like the knives we got for a wedding gift, the ones you've barely used, are sticking cold and steely in my heart and i am dying,  you won't be home soon you never are. But i wish you were- i love you- i write to you- i'll wait for you.

I kiss you. Goodbye. I wait under you- watch until the plane
goes up. above my by miles, away from me my countries.

The gravel road of our driveway is cool and firm
the sand of the desert is hot and shifting and you are gone

You promise to be home soon- we both know you won't but pretend to believe this is a promise you can keep

you will not be home soon, if you come home at all
I miss you i wait for you i want you here
but you don't come, you can't