Mothers are supposed to love their children unconditionally.
So why doesn’t mine?

You often spoke of frameworks as guiding principles at all phases of life.
You spoke of structures, you spoke of lines..

Lines that when crossed with mischief, called for admonishment.
Lines you drew on our exercise books to ensure homework was complete.
Lines you made so clear guarding your babies from outside harm.
Lines that parallel the lives of all mothers.

Today as I look at you, I see those lines etched deep in tireless perseverance; a reminder of your experiences.
Those lines as you age ever so gracefully, are exactly what makes you all the more so beautiful.

World of dreams in her *****, pain of the earth bearing with ease
Days and nights were spared in fire, wishes and tastes for her blossom
Oh mothers! Bowing on your angelic gentleness, I thank.

"One last story daddy,

then I will sleep"

"Ok my little fairy,

Let this tale settle in deep.

She is an angel in disguise,

who is with you from your first cry,

regardless of your age,

her love for you will never fade,

She holds your hand while the pain is all around,

She wipes away your tears,

She is there to lift you from the ground,

her touch takes away your fears,

From dusk till dawn

when you are with her, your worries are gone,

There is a smile on your face,

It's because she has blessed you with her grace."



"who is she" i say,

"she is the rainbow,

which illuminates the sky after a rainy day,"



Every time I close my eyes,

I remember this story from the start,

"Mom. I love you from the depths of my heart."

Mothers come gently to our rooms, the sunset kiss on the forehead,
Woven homilies from their baskets of forgiveness and spools of yarn.

But for the grave, this heart its coiled sunset unspools, so long entwined
In woods and seas that redden now into the soul of all sunsets combined.

To the daughters who were born without a safe haven

To the mothers who baptized their daughters not in holy water
but in their heartache

To the daughter who raised her mother first
then herself

To the mother who thought being a mother would save her
to the daughter who taught her mother through her existence alone she could never make her whole

to the daughters who tried to make her whole anyway

to the mothers and daughters who resent each other and
don't know why

To the daughter who struggles to decide
between pleasing her mother
and pleasing herself

to the daughter who finally learns what it feels like
to choose herself
to the mother that does the same

to the mothers and daughters who run from unconditional love because they've never known the feeling

may you find peace
forgiveness
for yourself and for her
patience
resilience
acceptance

I wish I could be near you
The real you
Not your shell
I want to hear your laugh
And see your smile
Hear you call me jellybean
I’m your baby girl, your only
And always will be
Keep hearing “nothing’s changed”
But it’s all different
You’re here but you’re gone
You smile but it’s not real
You don’t even know
It’s me standing in front of you
And my brother
Who’s that?
We’re yours and you are ours
You’re still here but…
You’re gone
Who am I?
I’m your miracle
Remember me?
Please remember me
Your brown eyed baby girl
A happy accident
I’m your college graduate
Your hard-headed brat
You gave up everything for us
I would be nothing without you
Now I’m old enough to realize
All you did for me
Now I’m ready to say thank you
And even though you’re to hear me
And see me
And be with me
You’re not
Not even close
Not even at all
It kills me
My heart shatters
Because now when I need you most
You’re here but you’re gone

i decided
not to write
a poem
on mother's day

maybe next year