I don't know where to find myself,
Not lying on the bed, nor reading a book on the shelf.
This is all what I can think of searching
Maybe I lost it, and be permanently missing.

This morning’s sunrise was a tacky and artificial affair.
The sun was played by a weak, 12-watt, refrigerator bulb
that looked wet and heavy as it struggled uphill like a drunk.
The horizon reminded me of a cheap, runny theatrical illusion,
the clouds were old cotton ***** glued to cardboard silhouettes,
the birds sagged like dead puppets from uneven coat hanger wires.

I don’t miss you. Everything’s fine. I hardly noticed you were gone, actually.
Things here are a laugh and a half. We’re doing fun girl things. Anna got new shoes.
I’m hardened by years of inescapable, solitary, covid lockdown. I’m immune to despair.
So go off, interview for that new, far-flung PhD life. Go fawn over Elon Musk for all I care.
I’m definitely not in my room eating spoons of peanut butter and crying to Tom Waits songs.

While I'm awake
I see the world
As twisted as it is

My thoughts wander
Time zones away
How are you?

I'm thankful to live
Breathe in the air
Take in the love

We're far away
But I love you
So I sit and pray

I pray for your happiness
While I may not be it
And I pray for your safety
While my shelter is vacant

To love you true
Is to pray for you
Since I can't have you now
Thats what I'll do

-AJT

the fear of tomorrow
keeps me hidden.
why venture with no
security.
you are not there,
I cannot see you.

where do I go,
who will lead me?

I am lost,
you are gone.
what shall I do?

My darling is gone
the earth pushes tidal
tears up through the sand

sails in the east
round me, signs
upon them, I walk

for miles
to spartina and seepweed
and fro to the beacon

build a stone tower there
break stone for stone
read word for word, listen

and build writing and
singing sentence for sentence
our love again