you broke me
you stole my dignity
you on top
my body on the floor
my mind somewhere else
my whisper begging you to stop
your hand pulling me down
your laugh in my ear
your happy eyes as I flop
I didn‘t want it and you knew
I tried to flee
I felt like my body was a shop
See what you did?
See what you made me do?
See how you gave me a shock?
The shock that almost killed me
The pain you caused
The clock, can‘t turn back the clock

She cries during ***,
in an attempt to express & address,
this set of collective regrets that’ve been suppressed,
ever since when she was first undressed & no one confessed,

I let her vent, give her room & hold space so she can process,

I suggest she take some deep breaths instead of stress,
still has some emotions left so I guess in a sense she’s blessed,
in a world that’s gone cold & everyone seems possessed,
people stumbling around like zombies in The Walking Dead,

no Norman Reedus or Andrew Lincoln features though,
just an aborted fetus & a broken heart seeking treatment,
which explains why she’s always willing to give guys a try,
& stay with them faithfully even when she’s mistreated,
& I’m willing to be crucified for the actions of other guys,
so I take her torment away & transform it like Jesus,
bare the weight of her loss like a cross then write the moments,
releasing the feelings in books since I’m a poet not a preacher,

not here for the heroics,
or other crowning moments or admirable achievements either,
so I’m on the down-low drinking hoping to go unnoticed,
at a bar on a barstool with a babe so hot I’ve got a fever,
we’re both discrete because we both need ****** healing,
& I promise her I’ll be here for her & not leave her,

until I get assassinated like Abe Lincoln at a theatre,

but she doesn’t believe the things I say about loyalty,
because she’s been betrayed before so she’s not too eager,
but hey I can’t blame her if I’d been through what she has,
I probably wouldn’t be eager to believe me either,
pause this’s getting too intense it’s time for an intermission,
I need to take a break so I can take a breather,

in a real life Soap Opera drama live on stage in Life’s theatre,
caught up in all the rawness of these women’s feelings,
one minute she’s laughing the next minute she’s crying,
she apologizes & I say she never has to apologize for feeling,

or make excuses to me or anyone else for her feelings,
I mean at least she still feels things,

even when those feelings open wounds that need healing,
lays her head one my shoulder, says she’s been ***** before,
so when I go rough in the sack with her she gets flashbacks,
& it’s hard to face facts that relate to what’s happened before,

I tell her it’s okay I tell her I’ll go slow we can take our time,
I tell her it’s ok to stay she’s safe, she can tell me anything,
I tell her sometimes it helps to open up & communicate,
but she just clams up & doesn’t say a thing,

so I get up to go shower,
to try & wash off the stress,
moments later she comes in & joins me,
somewhere between sedated & upset,

at a hotel somewhere in America,
a hotel they call boutique,
but it all feels haunted & a bit spooky if you ask me,
the wind howls, the windows rattle, & all the floors creak,

so I can’t help but get the creeps,
because this hotel feels more than just a little like me,
all dressed up nice, hip trendy on the outside,
but inside everything’s not at all what it seems,

haunted from the drama of these girls that were abused,
then used *** to transfer that abusive dark energy onto me,
which I guess I kinda deserve because I used to serve,
this sort of abuse to girls who were into me sexually,

you get what you give this is exactly what karma is,
so now I’m trying to help heal the Collective Feminine,
from all the damage that’s been previously done over lifetimes,
by the overly aggressive actions of the Collective Masculine,

so go ahead smash your conflicts into me I’m begging you,
drown me in the ocean of the tears of your traumas,
scream shout let it all out until there’s nothing left to let go of,
& I will still love you continually no menopause or commas,

I will always love you unconditionally continually,
no mental pauses or parental dramas,
you have been hurt before but you still have worth for sure,
no one’s pure but at least you’re honest & willing to work on it,

& it’s an honor to be here to hear & be your platform,
for you to express your regrets until there’s nothing left,
you are an incredible creation resilient & brilliant,
you’re worth it we’re out here when distressed I’ll be your outlet,

so you can vent the stress as you process,
even if part of that process involves crying during ***,
you’re worth it I’m here to hear everything you express,
a Living Light in this world of The Walking Dead,

so it’s totally okay to cry during *** go ahead,
especially if it’s an attempt to express & address,
the set of collective regrets that’ve you’ve suppressed,
ever since you were first undressed & no one confessed,

I’ll let you vent give you room
& hold space so you can process…

∆ LaLux ∆

from THHT3: The Hollywood Hills Trilogy 3
available worldwide.

If you enjoyed the poem message me directly and I'll send you a link so you can have the Kindle version of the book for FREE.

....  I’m leaving Neverland, never to return again,
I’m leaving Neverland, for real & forever man,

& this is not an attack, or any other act of aggression,
this is not an insinuation or malicious accusation,
no need for Mesereau to get an acquittal through vindication,
because the fact is, I still love you, Mr. Michael Jackson,

& I’m sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for real,
never meant to make your daughter cry,
I apologize a trillion times,
now I’m Outkast, self banished myself like Lauryn Hill,

so Leave Me Alone, I told you I’m sorry Ms. Jackson,
& if truth be told, I still love you Mr. Jackson,

I still love you Michael Jackson,

& I’ll tell you what I think happened,
I think you were robbed of your childhood when young,
& your whole life you only wished to have one,
so you could feel safe enough to play & have fun,
& the only way to ever have the childhood you never had,
was to create your own sanctum paradise & call it Neverland,
with a ferris wheel carousel fairies trains giraffes & elephants,
your own fairytale so you’d never have to grow up, Peter Pan,

& you were so pure & kind & innocent,
& you really just wanted to play,
but over assumptive suspicious judgmental perverse minds,
made accusations called you strange & put you on display,

there is nothing worse than false accusations,
placed on an innocent man in an abrasive way, ...

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆

an excerpt from poem #27 of
THHT3: The Hollywood Hills Trilogy 3
available on Amazon here:
www.amazon.com/dp/1950780023

and if you've read this far I'd like to show my appreciation by buying you a copy of THHT3 from Amazon myself, seriously, I will give it to you for free. Just send me a Message here or on IG @aaronlaux
∆

Who,
hurt you,
so bad,
that you haven’t let yourself heal,
& why,
do you,
let them,
continue to hurt you?

Why,
are you,
hiding in your shell,
you are not a shellfish,

here,  
have, a well wish,

I wish,
you realize,
that you are stronger,
than any memory that you may have,
that you are stronger,
than any person that’s ever hurt you in the past,
that you are stronger,
than the darkness that’s invaded your light,

What a paradox you can often be,
one minute so outgoing the next minute totally shut off,
refusing dialogue not caring if you die at all,
on a walk in a park after dark communications shut down,
well you know what love, you’re too resolute,
to let let downs let you down,

I see you,
I see your struggles, I see your strengths,
I see that you are so close, to having a life altering epiphany,
I see it even if you don’t let me propose this question,
do you think a caterpillar knows as it grows,
that it’s about to metamorphosize into a beautiful butterfly?

See you might not see you, but I see you,
I see that you are so close, to having a life altering epiphany,
& breaking totally free, but you know what,
you don’t have to break to be free, you already are free,
you just have to realize it, & once you do, which you will,
you will see, no one can hurt you, not even you,
because you are a being, of such astounding strength,
that you’re just beginning to understand how strong you are,

so who cares who hurt you so bad you haven’t healed,
because from now on you will let no one ever hurt you again.

Remember that…

∆ LaLux ∆

from THHT3: The Hollywood Hills Trilogy 3
available worldwide here: www.amazon.com/dp/1950780023

This book is so important that if you can't buy it just message me directly and I'll buy it for you. Seriously.
∆

I walk down the street
late at night
a sense of paranoia
mixes with fright

I hear footsteps behind me
voices whisper in my head

I look back
all that's there
is a stray cat

it runs into the distance
I'm anxious to get home
each passing minute
feels endless
I wish I was safe at home

I pass a beggar
throw some change into a cup
but he gets up
and starts following me
block after block

I'm starting to get scared
as I walk down a dark street
three right turns
and he's still there
behind me

I hurry, and pick up my feet
but he simply walks faster
matching my beat

he starts talking
asking me questions
where I'm going
if I'm single
if I'm interested in a bargain

I ignore him
keep walking
he's still there, right behind me

I finally reach home
turn onto my cul de sac
check the locks three times over
make sure they're intact

go upstairs
shaking with what could've been
pondering why
this always seems to happen
to me

...so strong she was,
for being so delicate,
I asked her how her molestations had happened,
so she could express herself & maybe make some sense of it,

she said she didn’t exactly know,
I asked her if she’d ever gone to the police,
she said definitely no, I asked her why not,
& what she said next seriously surprised me,
she said she never wanted to get the men in trouble,
because she felt sorry for the guys,
as much as they’d abused her,
she had pity for them & always tried to empathize,

this hit me like the heaviest of epiphanies, tears hit my eyes,

she said she’d talked to each one,
after they’d done what they’d done,
she talked to her father,
& also to her grandfather,
she told them she understood it wasn’t their fault,
they had a perverse disease that became a problem,
or more specifically a distorted sickness,
& that this cycle had to stop no there was no other option.

THIS CYCLE HAS TO BE STOPPED.

I shouldn’t have to be the voice for these girls,
& be the one that talks about ****,
she shouldn’t have to share these secrets with me secretly,
because these things shouldn’t happen in the first place,

but this is not a world of should’ves’ & could’ves’,
this is a world of exacts,
this is a world of loud brags & silent abuses,
& I’m sick of this sickness what’s wrong with us?...

excerpt from poem #32 of THHT3: The Hollywood Hills Trilogy 3
available worldwide 9/9/19 here: www.amazon.com/dp/1950780023

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆