I want to Forget
About the pain and everything
But how can I?
If he still affects me
If he still my necessity
I wanted to scream
Yet I know no one can hear
I bowed my head
And clenched my fist
With closed eyes
I felt a tear
A question come out my mouth
"Why doesn't he even care?"
Then I walked, and walked
Walking with no direction
Don't know where Am to go
Hoping this might end soon
And Escape from where I'm supposed to be

You know what?
I love you.
I was just stupid and scared.  
I didn't want my heart to be shattered.
I didn't want to feel the pain.
I should have listened when you said you were mine.

When you thought I wasn't serious,
we went our separate ways.
I heard you got someone new.
My heart fell, how could you move on so fast?
I could bearly think straight.
But I learnt to accept your choice of moving on.

I rid myself of you.
But you.
You crawled your gracely self back into my life and asked why I removed you.
I lied and said I pressed the button by accident.  
If only you knew that looking at you just hurts.

Days go by and I still keep track of your little stories, here and there.  
After her,
Still none new?
I like to think that you are waiting for me
but I know it isn't true.
A girl can dream right?

There will always be a place in my heart that belongs to you.
I would take you back without a moment of hesitation and treat you right cause I was fool in other people's games and demise.

Dear dad
I'm sorry you thought I never cared
Mom and you never should have felt compared
I loved you all

Dear dad
I'm sorry I mess it all up
And always have
I never meant to

Dear dad
I know we've never been close
Not like me and mom
But I've wanted to
If you want to know the truth
I was afraid of you

Dear dad
I'm sorry again
I never though about your side
Before turning you into the bad guy

Dear dad
I know you tried

Dear dad
I wish I could take it all back
I never meant to hurt you

Dear dad
I've always loved you

I was told to write about how I feel.

But what I feel isn’t just a noun I can express in words and pages. Tremendous waves of emotions come crashing and I forget how to swim. Rarely are they a calm sea, where sooner or later, I find a boat and am safe.

There is no boat today. The sea is churning. The sky is enraged.

Sometimes the emotions are a fire, orange and warm, fueling me to keep moving on. But when they are blue and searing hot, it burns me from within. I’m afraid you will catch fire too.

But the fire is my light in the darkness, my lighthouse. Not attracting boats, but giving them a signal to stay away.

I am torn between right and wrong, and the only way I can talk about my ‘feelings’ is by referring to them as natural occurrences and disasters.

Disasters. That reminds me of a lot of things.

WHAT AM I DOING
rhyming is hard
just like rhubarb
pie
sly pie
why are you sly, pie?
the frog is on a log
with the hard rhubarb pie
I’M SO NOT DIGGING THIS
i kind of just want to fling
myself off a bridge
this is really hard
lard
there is NO POINT TO THIS “POEM”
NO WORDS RHYME WITH POEM
have you ever noticed how teenagers are SO ******* SAD
TEENAGERS ARE SO SAD
THEY ARE SO SAD
AND FOR WHAT
SAD BECAUSE YOU WERE CALLED A ****
ITS SO HARSH BUT ITS TRUE
PUSH YOUR BACK AGAINST THE WALL AND BE BLUE
IF YOU CHOOSE

nope not happening
down to the important stuff

trying your luck // the strokes
old yellow bricks // arctic monkeys
electric feel // mgmt
alone, together // the strokes
stray away // the colourist
games // the strokes

SLY PIE
rhubarb pie