The loving , work horse
Strong heart , over flow
Loving the earth so deeply
Loving the earth so completely
He is driven daily
To plow his Love
furrow after furrow
Day after day
As he pushes heart into soil
In his daily toil
Generously carried softly
A surrendered humility

Our conflicting desires
Causing internal fires
Minds torn apart
Twisted and contorted
But like wild horses
We set all free
Flying high like a bird
Relaxing , letting be
As all will inspire
So just watch
This explosive aspire

A horses purity
A crystal clear clarity
As desires from
Their master drift
Blissfully , shine brightly
As connections run deeply
And he loves his
Fathers earth to
As he share his masters grief
For all his poor harvests
So ears placed on his crown
The horse listens intently
For directions from above
And ridden horses feel
For nudges in the gut
As all horses enjoy
The blissful atmosphere
Created when their fathers
Wishes are fulfilled
As they both melt
Into a gentle repour

Boundlessly trusting
Giving themselves
Softening , striding
Physically carrying
Emotionally supporting
Integrity and honesty
As many trumpets play
Flashing lights dance a ray
As accidents happen
They listen and listen
Reestablishing connections
As they are always
TRUSTING

People and horses
Boxed in by life
Enclosed in tight arena's
Great pressures to jump
Deep urges to escape
But all jumping horses know
Freedom is not a
Horizontal choice
An option to run out
But a vertical belief
To jump what ever is front
As freedom is found
In the expression
Of unlimited self

The horse beauty
Is in its ability
To give generously
Surrender and listen
As he finds freedom
By working with and
Not Against higher forces

What would it take for someone to open up to someone else?
To let them into the crazy dark mind that people wouldnt imagine you having.
Just for a second you feel relieved.
To let all ure thoughts gather around and be set free from the mind  of where it came from.
Just for a minute you feel free.
Just for a minute you feel as if that person understands you completly.
As you look into her eyes , messages being sent back and forth and back and forth.
With out having to say a single word out.
With out having to whisper it to eachother.
Thats how crazy the trip is, how intense it gets when you feel every single touch on ure skin.
How you all of a sudden become so aware of everything.
Oh how i love this tripy trip.

emotions channeled through my fingertips
    typing words my coward lips could never speak
gently pressing buttons, expressing how i miss
       the times we never - we would've - had,
          dampened my lips, sealing it with a kiss.

                               and as i press send,
                                    i'd hope you'll reply.
                                you didn't.
                        you don't.
                 *never.

TO: THE BOY WITH STARS IN HIS EYES
FROM: THE GIRL WITH SHAKING HANDS

4:01AM
I WENT TO BED AT NINE, AND I’VE BEEN UP SINCE TWO. I HAD THAT DREAM AGAIN, THE ONE I NEVER TELL YOU ABOUT. YOU’RE LEAVING. YOU’RE NOT EVEN HERE, BUT YOU’RE LEAVING ME AGAIN. YOU’VE REALIZED THAT YOU DON’T LOVE ME (OR THAT YOU NEVER DID) AND YOU’RE WALKING OUT A DOOR THAT I’VE NEVER SEEN BUT HAVE GROWN TO FEAR.
4:03AM
I WISH I WAS BRAVE, LIKE YOU. BUT I’M NOT. I’M VERY SCARED AND VERY SMALL, AND I’D LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN TO BE ABLE TO HOLD YOUR HAND, EVEN IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT.
4:06AM
THERE’S NOT A **** STAR IN THE SKY TONIGHT, AND I FIGURE IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL IN YOUR EYES. I LIKE TO IMAGINE THAT WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH, AND THE NIGHT JUST SEEMS LIKE IT’S BLEEDING BLACK, THAT THE UNIVERSE IS HIDING IN THE BACKS OF YOUR EYES.
4:07AM
I HOPE YOU’LL SING TO ME ONE DAY. I LIKE THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE.
4:12AM
I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY. ONE OF US NEEDS TO BE. I LIKE TO THINK YOU’RE SMILING. WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU, THERE’S A SMILE ON YOUR FACE. NO MATTER WHAT YOU’RE DOING. WALKING DOWN THE STREET? SMILING. PLAYING YOUR GUITAR? SMILING. IN THAT DREAM, YOU’RE SMILING TOO. THAT’S THE SCARY PART. YOU’VE GOT A PRETTY SMILE, EVEN WHEN YOU’RE BREAKING MY HEART.
4:13AM
THE LIGHTS IN THIS CITY ARE TOO BRIGHT, YOU KNOW. THAT’S WHY I CAN’T SEE YOU. THAT’S WHY YOU AREN’T HERE. I CAN’T SEE THE STARS IN YOUR EYES BECAUSE THE CITY WON’T LET THAT HAPPEN. YOU’RE TOO FAR AWAY, AND YOU’RE TOO DISTANT FOR ME TO GLANCE UP AT YOU WHEN I’D LIKE TO. I CAN’T HEAR YOU.
4:14AM
LOVE IS A CAGE MATCH. THE LAST ONE STANDING WINS. I JUST THOUGHT OF THAT. I JUST THOUGHT OF YOU. I HOPE YOU’RE ALRIGHT. I LOVE YOU.
4:15AM
I’M TIRED. I’M GOING TO BED. HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. PLEASE DON’T FORGET ME IN YOUR SLEEP.
4:27AM
I CAN’T SLEEP. I CAN’T THINK. I CAN’T ANYTHING. I’M TYPING LIKE A PUPPET RIGHT NOW. I DON’T KNOW WHERE THESE WORDS ARE COMING FROM, BUT ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I LOVE YOU, AND MY HANDS ARE SHAKING, AND THINGS ARE HARD, BUT I’M HOLDING ON FOR YOU.
4:29AM
I JUST WANT YOU HERE. YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO TALK OR ANYTHING. I’D JUST WANT YOU TO LAY HERE BESIDE ME. SLEEPING WITH THE STARS. THAT’D BE SOMETHING, WOULDN’T IT? A GIRL CAN DREAM, CAN’T SHE?
4:32AM
SOMETIMES, I START TO THINK ABOUT YOU, AND I START TO CRY. I’M SORRY I’M ****** UP IN ALL THE WRONG WAYS, AND I’M SORRY I’M TOO FAR AWAY TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I’VE MISSED YOU.
4:34AM
DO YOU THINK WE’LL EVER REALLY BE IN LOVE? ARE WE ALREADY? HAVE WE EVER BEEN? WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DIDN’T HAPPEN? IT’S BEEN RAINING A LOT MORE THAN USUAL THIS SUMMER.
4:40AM
*I LOVE YOU. I HOPE YOU LOVE ME TOO. IF NOT, THEN I GUESS I’LL STILL KEEP LOVING YOU.
THAT’S ALL I’M GOOD AT, FOR THE TIME BEING. SITTING UP AT NIGHT, WATCHING THE STARS, CRYING FOR NO REASON, AND WISHING FOR YOU.

september 14, 2009
10:13 pm
why is the garage door shut? i cant get in
your phone must be dead my messages wont go through

september 14, 2009
10:15 pm
i can hear the car running in the garage oh god oh god i called an ambulance butm my fingers arree shakingi you have to be okay dont

september 15, 2009
11:27 am
i opened the garage and you were sitting there with a tube running into the drivers seat and why did you ******* do this you cant you wouldnt you shouldnt this isnt real none of this is real

september 17, 2009
3:04 am
babe, i miss you
i miss you so much i cant take it

september 17, 2009
3:07 am
they havent shut down everything yet its only been three days
how has it only been three days

september 19, 2009
11:17 pm
your funeral was today (i didn’t cry)

september 29, 2009
12:23 pm
did it hurt? i need to know if i should join you but i dont want it to hurt because im scared, im too scared
im scared of the fact that ill never see you smile again
i love you. did i tell you that enough? i dont think i did

october 17, 2009
1:39 am
YOU SELFISH ******* *******, ITS BEEN A MONTH AND IM STILL HERE AND YOU STILL ARENT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
I FOUND YOU, YOU ******* *******. SITTING IN THE CAR IN THE GARAGE WITH THE ENGINE RUNNING. DID YOU WANT ME TO SEE YOU LIKE THAT BECUASE ILL NEVER FORGET IT ,,,,,
mayvbe ive benee drinnking a litlter morre than mnusula but yoi shouldve let me comem with hoyu becaussee youre my hnhome and evertyone think sims  insanen i just miss you msoo much comee hooome to mew

october 31, 2009
7:01 pm
its halloween and im going alone this year
why do i have to go alone

november 24, 2009
2:24 am
i had a dream that you were making me dinner and you gave me a spoonful of something tomato-y and we were laughing and dancing in the kitchen and you kissed me but your lips dissolved into paper and your skin slid off into a puddle on the floors and the walls collapsed around me but i could still hear your voice telling me everything was okay
when i woke up my lips tasted like tears and i couldnt breathe

december 2, 2009
3:36 am
you cant be dead on my birthday
last year we had a picnic in the park and drank macchiatos and you told me a story about the magician you had at your birthday party when you were seven and barely tall enough to see over the table he was doing tricks on
you cant be dead on my birthday you cant

december 24, 2009
10:17 pm
christmas eve was ****** without you
i hope its better wherever you are

december 25, 2009
9:03 pm
christmas day was also ****** without you
how do i get rid of this ******* headache

january 3, 2010
4:19 am
how do i do anything when everything we did together is laced with arsenic?
******* for taking away my favorite places
******* for taking away my favorite bands
******* for taking away everything

january 10, 2010
8:56 am
your pillow doesnt smell like you anymore

january 17, 2010
5:49 pm
this is so pathetic im still sending you messages its been months
my eyes should be dry by now

january 22, 2010
7:08 am
did you know that your mom called me crying yesterday because she found your old baseball trophy in the attic and we cried over the phone together and its the closest ive felt to you in ages and ages but it slipped away through my fingers faster than quicksand

january 25, 2010
3:45 pm
i almost took a whole bottle of pills and slit my wrists last night but you were standing above me whispering to me and i couldnt do that to you even though you did it to me first

february 4, 2010
1:01 am
was this my fault? did i do this to you? i warned you that i was broken but you pieced me back together with strands of moonlight and i wish i wouldve seen how bad you were hurting before you stepped off the edge

february 6, 2010
6:36 pm
i hate you

february 7, 2010
4:49 am
i could never hate you
you know that
my head is pounding

february 27, 2010
12:32 am
happy anniversary sweetheart
*message failed to send
recipient account terminated

There is sea glass in my lungs. Bottles of undelivered messages smashed and worn down from the unforgiving waters in my chest.

You tucked your sugar candy wrapping
with surreptitious dainty dips
and lots of little body wriggles
in between my couch cushions
I found them when I did a clean

amongst a weight of quiet
tight squeezed tears
pushed by love out of sight
shaped in dainty pears
appealing with question shaped
twists and marks from subtle turns

I wish your apple secrets
kept so **** sweet
unwrapped and served
peeled with berries on a plate
in neat dressed shiny mint
response coated lozenges
so I could press that sadness out
and dissolve that reposed tinge
of unsolved hidden hurt
between your sensitive tongue
and my own open heart

I'd throw your cares
that empty wrapper stash
into red liquorice skies
to chew through a dash
of  lamp lit tinctures
and catch its splash
in tutti frutti sprays
wet with an array
of well licked flavours
but please keep away
those sticky fingers

look at your paper trail of pink and white
let's follow and pick up each far flung bow
there's a picture on one we can see smoothed out
a part of a boulevard not torn but bright
and it's a bonbon for eyes that dry I'd treat
tucked in a chat upon a couchette
to Paris with you tomorrow night