I feel nothing,
just irreparable darkness and all consuming sadness
I cannot shake this feeling
no matter how many times
you think I can, it can't happen.
You don't ******* get it
and there is no way to describe
the way my entire body is trembling
just from existing..
I can't escape from this darkness
I have spent my days afraid of-
trapped in this repetitive cycle
of cynical thinking.
I want to be okay.
with every inch of my being,
each and every vein inching closer to my heart
the mere thought of being okay for just one second
the idea seems so euphoric
but it leads me to disappointment in the end.
I will be okay, eventually.
But don't tell me I do not feel these feelings,
that the words I speak are irrational and insane
because I already ******* know they are-
But I have a right to feel this way.
What would you do if every instance in your life
felt as if you were almost about the fall from your chair
but, you catch yourself.
See, I lost my balance and I keep falling,
never knowing when I will hit the ground
flinching, anxiously awaiting
for the moment my body meets the pavement
so I feel everything again.
But that moment never comes
and everyone around you
is yelling,
"Just spread your wings and fly."
"Brace yourself for impact."
"Don't over-think hitting the ground too much"
"Just think positive"
"You'll stop falling soon, don't worry"
But no one realizes,
the only thing you're capable of doing
is anticipating an introduction with the ground
you know will never come.
So the hands you tried to use to grip onto the edge of sanity,
are now trying to grasp any chance of survival you have left
but there's no ledge for you to hold onto
no safety net or parachute.
Just you and the open air,
accompanied by your constant fear.
This is depression
and I am falling every single ******* day
so don't ******* tell me I'm over-reacting.
