sleep tastes
like milk tea and cinnamon,
wind-cooled
for maybe fifteen minutes
drowning in sugar
so that your tongue is sweet and numb.

I used to wonder
why you slept so long
plaid covers up to your nose
pillow imprinted
with your crown.

now I know
that dawn often tastes bitter
and the remains of the day
sticky like pomegranate rot
when dusk arrives
like a cool drink in summer
I can finally slake
this thirst for something different.

clang. clang.
The metal sung joyfully each strikes.
Passion is a dancing flame.
The greatest passion can churn
the sea.
Yet it can also fade like flickering embers.
A passion, can leave behind lasting debris.

Sometimes I feel the darkness
as it draws itself yet oh so near.
Shrouds of blackest pitch,
Like a shiver of the spine,
caused by a scream I feel but do not hear.

All pervasive gloom
that shrouds my world to never ending black.
Dragging down both soul and sense,
Like a craven remorseless killer
intent on demonic inhuman attack.

I feel it in my body and I sense it
as it encroaches on my mind.
Taking both warmth and light,
Leaving never ending blackness,
devoid of hope of any kind.

At times the will to fight
has been totally taken away.
Rational mind and tired limbs,
Made to give up all reason
to stand and fight for one more day.

I sense an endless wave that drowns me
in utter dark despair.
Kicking through all defence,
Until all will to live yet one more moment,
evaporates into thin air.

The fight is ever daily
and the waves they come and go.
Random depths to which I fall,
How I survive amidst the darkest waves,
I really do not know.

In days gone by the waves have compelled me
to physically react.
More than one failed attempt,
Still I yet remain by fluke,
compounded by the lessons that I lacked.

I know that I have learned
and can push all normal fears aside.
In life we learn from failures,
And it is chance and not hope,
keeps me safe where I now hide.

"The Silence Is So Loud"

Floating along the mountains, just above the ground
Soaring high, seeing, feeling and flying
The silence of wind so ******* loud
Falling down suddenly, what a rude awakening

But we do not wake, we just quietly stare
At the ground growing closer
Knowing we will not splatter here
Sometimes wishing it so, just for the exposure

Exposure of our fearless mind, so terrified
Not of the rise or fall, as we know them well
Afraid of our weakness, and that our fear might be verified
That we might let go, forgetting we're under a spell

We allow our rise to continue and soar without regard
And do not consider the descent we know is coming
Wind bustling our ears muffling the thoughts we continuously disregard
For the rise is beautiful, like flying and dancing

The high is absolutely thrilling, we can no longer think clearly
We try to stay with the energizing adrenaline, we try to gain composure
Yet, we grow weary
So here comes the free fall, watch the ground grow closer

And we begin to beg ... for a level head to rest in our cave.
Oh the great highs and the terrible lows. A level head is all we crave...

Everything is cold
Covered in blankets
I feel I ought to see my breath
But the ice is inside me
Freezing the blood in my veins
Stopping my heart
Numbing me from the inside out
I can’t move
Can’t think
And when I do
It’s about my end

You gone work it out
             after all, this is a weight game
Be PATIENT for all time highs
             meanwhile, vibing to all time lows
Might make yourself a bellionaire
             after all, being broke can make you RICH
                        being broke can make you FIXED
So find beauty in the climb BEFORE the peak
When they say it’s gonna work out
             they meant it’s gonna exercise your belief
The heart must get it’s reps as well
                        so don’t stop til the set’s complete

So many years
Feeling bad about myself
Berating my being
For being
Fundamentally flawed
Fragmented
Irreparable

I wish someone had noticed
Me
Pulling the hair off of my head
Me
Flailing about
Like a trout
Out of water
Me
Stepping on
All of the rakes
Unintentionally
But also
Sometimes
Fully aware
Of where
They were lurking in the grass

And I wish they’d said
To me
Stop
Stop
Stop.
Breathe.
Look around.
You’re ok.
You’re ok.
You’re beautiful
And young
And you couldn’t possibly know
How quickly time runs away.
So stop.
Stop saying
What’s wrong with me?!
You can stop
Because I’m here
To tell you.

What is wrong
With you
Is
That life
Fooled you
Into thinking
That there’s something wrong
With you.