Every night  
before I sleep
I close my eyes
and begin to weep

I lay there watching
the curtains sway
In a room
I painted black and grey

Will the morning
ever come
why do I hope
to see the sun
when tomorrow
I’ll be going mad
hopelessly
feeling numb

Today, I stood underneath the bridge.
I looked up at how high I was going to fall in.
My eyes still hurt now from the tears I cried.
“No one cares about you” a voice whispered.
A loud ‘DING’ frightened me, it was followed by an annoying vibration.
They were calling me. They were worried about me.
I didn’t want to be under the bridge today.
The whisper led me here.
They tell me that once I’m gone, everything will be easier for everyone.

Then I think about my brother with no home.
My boyfriend left alone.
My siblings with no middle sister.
My class with no teacher.
My flatmates with no rent.

It would only be easier for me.
So I carry on, hoping that one day I’ll feel less empty.

Don’t let me doubt.
If you let your doubt out,
I’ll never see the light of sun.
Not above not below
Not ever, not anymore.  
There are sparks in my eyes,
A flame that’s dim
Don’t let it go out
Don’t let it out.
The color of your blue sky interlaced
With the brights of my eyes.
It keeps me alive.
Letting me down,
Letting my doubt run free
Planting seeds to never see them sprout,
It still leaves these weeds inside of me.
See these weeds,
Something you’ve never heard
Words you’ll say again
Green grows out of my mouth
Faster faster
Harboring the in the arbor of my mind
My truth, your lies.
Is it your truth or is it mine?
I’m quiet.
It hurts.
Every breath of life feels worse
The doubt the doubt the doubt
It sprouts and grows
But none of this you’ll ever know.
I’m captured and I can’t be found.
Again I ask,
Don’t let your doubt out.

Things don’t always turn out the way you long them to
Those whom you love truly won’t always be there for you

Remember the few moments in time
When forever was promised without a goodbye

If only things could somehow remain the same
I’d never have to beg for the memories to stay