it was a puppy sort of love
but we were young
so it felt much deeper

perhaps it was the reason
why we were so hesitant
to let go and move on

thus, i found myself cutting corners
so i could fit myself into your box
and in the painful process of loving you
i made myself become someone i knew i was not

how did i romanticize this in such a way
there were no soft whispers, no shy touches
we moved quick, with staggered rhythms

neither of our hips lined up properly
we sounded more animalistic than anything
it was good, alright, a good ****, alright, but

this wasn't quite what i was looking for
lust wasn't quite what i was asking for
you weren't quite what i was hoping for

When I met you, I was on magic mushrooms.
or maybe I wasn't.
but either way, the moment we made eye contact things began to swirl-
and the world became candy-colored.

things are grey now.

I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
And if he wanted me, he really should've showed
Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fall out



‘Cause like, I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending

if i had told you how much
i hated this stupid santa barbara pier
you might have stayed for centuries

was it not you who said
was it not you who promised
you would be here for me if i called

all i say now is this:
i still see your eyes
in the blue of the skies

i still hear your laugh
bouncing off the high tides
i still hold millions of memories

that play on an infinite loop
fading images of your expression of shock
of you, forever sixteen, never changing

i can still feel your breath
the way you whispered for me to leave
how could i have left?

did you think i could just go home
wash your blood off of my hands
and sleep in a half-empty bed?

i wish i had told you how much
i hated this stupid santa barbara pier
if it meant you could have stayed

You are a haiku
written in the pages of
my poetic heart

2:07 AM
15/8/21

I juggle with the
love and hate you have for me-
what am I to do?

1:10 AM
13/8/21