Trying to figure out my purpose
I can not name one thing
Nohing on my mind
Just these voices screaming
Making me an empty shell
What is life for me?
Do I have any in me left?
Child inside of me died
Long time ago
When men put their hands
Where they don't belong
Child died inside of me
When pills became only source
Child died inside of me
When voices became loud
Child died inside of me
When door started to scream
And bugs crawled all over my skin

was it your twisted time?
or was it just a figment of my mind?
I built my wall so high
it reached above the sky
you built your ego so bright
that I was even blinded in your sight

you made yourself so right,
so it seems.

i break my wall so briskly
never thought that it was all too risky.

i crashed,
I crashed,
I CRASHED.

I did not see the sign
I lost track of time
i-
I, would've thought that you were mine
but that was only a figment of my mind
a figment
of my mind

I did not pick up this pen
for you
only to repress my hand down all the way
and spill all this ink over my bleeding hands

but you,
wouldn't know it anyway
i burnt
behind you all the way.

Alone

It Feels More Than It Really Is,

Desolate abandoment
The void left by, taught through
The faces I would turn towards
And truest love I knew;

Yet away from me, unhappily
Or indifferent, themselves have turned
Fixed, never to meet within my gaze
My life or their cautionary tale, decerned

Falling in love with many a friend
From very early on
Where nothing matters like they do,
No matter that they've gone.

No matter that the majority
And best parts of our live's real years,
Are spent relapsing in their memory,
As their aura disappears.

It Really Is More Than It Feels

Alone

It's hard to shake her.
She managed to shove her blade descretley, through a weak spot in my armor.
she slid it deep and with a piercing smile,
.. she knew I wasn't even aware.
What does she want with me?
Is it only to conquer the best.
Perhaps she just wants to know she's there.
With a gentle twist, I was bound to her for an eternity. Her eternity

i left so soon

i wonder if i’ll ever get to see you again


i didn’t even see you that night,
but when i met you in that other place,
i didn’t even realise,
what had come over me.

i didn’t even see you that night,
but i thought in that other space,
as wanton boys to flies-
what are you to me?

who are we to be?
i struggle to agnise,
and find any pace,
with lack of sight.

who you are to me,
either my demise,
or a romantic ace,
i’ll just think tonight.

there wasn’t much time anyway
not that first day
or the second day
we knew i had to go away

but part of me was praying
what you were saying
is what i was saying
because there was no staying

we had to go
and now i know
i hope you know
but do you though

and as i ponder
and i wander
and as you wander
i hope we grow fonder

maybe it won’t be where we met,
it could be back in that spot,
it could be where i know you are,
i just hope we meet again.

maybe it won’t be where we met,

it could be where i was when you were gone,
or it could be that you’d look for me where i am just for me to be away,
or maybe we’d find a new place where we’d be delightfully surprised to see each other again,
or maybe it’s not meant to be and we’re not meant to find each other.

maybe i’m just crazy,

i could be lost in emotion trying to claw my way out of hopelessness,
or i could be delusional and hoping for too much from nothing,
or maybe i can sense the feeling from you these many miles away,
or maybe i’m alone in feeling.

because i didn’t even get to see you that night,
i found you in a place i didn’t expect,
i’m not even sure if you found me.

i don’t know if you still think of me,
maybe it’s wrong because of the time and place,
because i didn’t even get to see you that night.

i didn’t even get to see you in that place;
you weren’t at home.

and i was a traveller too;
i wasn’t at home.

what i hoped to find,
i found elsewhere,
in a different place,
in another world.

i still found you there,
it’s not the same,
it’s a different place,
it’s not my home.

i hoped we could talk,
maybe we could reconcile,
but as i walk,
it may not be worth our while.

unless it’s fate to meet in that place,
i move along to another space.

the thought runs through my mind,
and hope as well,
that i can find,
and i can tell,

that person i met elsewhere that i’m sorry,
i’m sorry i left so soon,
and i’m sorry that i found you elsewhere.

i hope that i find you home,
i hope that it’s not too late,
and i hope that you’re still there.

i didn’t even see you that night,
i hope that next time you’ll be there,
instead of some other place.

instead of some other place,
please be there,
because that night,


i left so soon

i wonder if i’ll ever get to see you again