I long for you like the grass for the rain
And I remember that voice, as distinct as the sound of storms in the city, as the cars splash by
The thought of you will bring me pain
A mere shadow at the end of the hallway
Or the silence at the end of the day
Unnerving, reserved, wonderful
Like a phantom the image of you is fleeting
But I will always remember those blue eyes, and drowning in them
I can no longer hear you speak in the back of my mind
Yet your words feel like my own
Your voice feels like safety, like home
Now shrouded by fog
Perhaps we’ll meet again
Maybe just for one day

I have done it again
not remembering exactly when was the last time
but it feels I have been here many times before
and I came back as if I was not alive
because the light continues to fade

now words run from me
after he's gone
then you're hard to reach
also, those who are busy hurt each other
sometimes I feel like a leaf withered
who follows where the wind will ******* away
another day I was a fragile branch
just waiting for time to makes me fall
then this lately I'm an old tree
without leaves also branches
settling alone on the dry ground
what a lonesome
the tree is still alive but it is not
people just look through the distance
and thought that was enough

I'm awake to avoid falling asleep
maybe this time I will not wake up again
if letting myself to surrender
I hear a lot of people asking me to talk a lot
how can I explain
same as how they can understand
if I have lost words
I am so tired of the burdening mind
and the voices inside my head that can't stop
because the period of suffering has begun
I'm back have done it again

The tree was half-standing but still alive
maybe somebody who cares enough wants to take a closer look
maybe then he'll tell the others
if it turns out that tree has reached the limit
slowly dying when nobody notice
in the dry ground, alone

the entire time She was there I just kept thinking,
“what does she have that I don’t?
Is she thinner?
Is she prettier?
Is she smarter?
Does she have a better personality?” Etc.
So frustrating that i spent so much time comparing myself.
I ******* hate her; but I say that knowing **** well I don’t hate her.
Of course I don’t hate her.
I hate her role in everything that has happened.
I hate the way she played a part in my sadness.
I hate the parts of her I see in myself
and the parts of me I see in her.
I hate the idea of being second best
I hate the idea of not being worthy enough
and instead being left for someone else,
even if they don’t get together

As I lay here, empty can in hand
This haze I ought to withstand
Amazed by the starlit sky
I intend to let this night pass by

Yet beneath these city lights I wonder
How many people out there blunder?
Wearing plastered smiles everywhere
Trying to mask out their despair

I’m afraid I’ve fallen in love
The idea of company sounds great
Family, friends, soulmates
I love the silence
Now some chatter feels good
I’ve changed
I long for company