hmmm hm hmmm

you've left again,
and truth be told it's best
so don't tell me that you love me still
that you just need to get some things in your head straight

hmm hm hmm

because you had your head on the entire time
you just wanted to rest it for a while
and I was your soft pillow
a punching bag if you must
you flipped me around when I was too hot
you seem to always like me better when I'm cool
my silence will always be reassuring
the heat will make you nervous.

hmm hm hmm

I cope by talking
so let me talk to people that are like you
my ex
exes.
girls that have wanted me from the beginning, am I really
that charming?
I have three, four if you're counting the girl i sent nudes to last night
i'm disgusting
I should have kissed her in that bathroom, you know.
i should have took advantage of the situation
I don't like that you're the last person my lips tasted

hmm hm hmmm

running my fingers across the keyboard
they dance in a rhythm only I can figure out
I've got plans, a future, and a pack of cigarettes waiting for me at home
I should have listened when people said to stay away from you
I'm mad because you let me believe you when you said
i love you
because i always meant it
i love you more, most, forever and always, that was the promise, the deal.
I was supposed to be loved by you and you alone.
and you for me.
maybe you left

hmm hm hmmm hm

because you have other people that you want.
but you'll never in your life find someone like me
but maybe that's good because
hell I know that i'm actually very toxic.
manipulative.
dramatic.
draining
i've heard it all before
i'm too sensitive.
these are truths
i'll fix it.
i'll get better.
and you will too

hmm hm hmmm

i shouldn't still be writing about you. i've been broken for a while
but it feels easier now.
i can just pretend that you don't exist, that's easier for me
that is how i have to cope now.
after Justin, i thought i wouldn't love
i should have focused on getting hurt again.
i know that it's possible now.
well sorta.
after him, i went numb.
hell. what am i ever talking about
i guess what i'm meaning to say is
we'll be a lot happier without each other
at least we were long distance.
you don't have to see me or hear me everyday.
I have you blocked on social media for that reason.
but i can't block your number
i like knowing that you'll come back eventually.
and if not knowing, then hoping
when you find out what you've ****** up don't be textin' my phone
i like you better when you leave me alone.

hmm mhm hm

The clock stops
I clamber inside to fix it
A cog in the machine is broken
A long rope,
Becomes short as I tug on it
I can’t reach the broken cog
The severed piece of rope falls onto the floor
A hand,
Tightened around a knife
What cut the rope?
Is someone else here?
But it’s me.
I can’t reach the cog
The rope was cut before I could
The hand won’t let go
And now the knife is pressed against my chest
Deeper
Deeper
Deeper
Against my lungs
My breathe ever faster
Who else is here?
Why are they doing this?
But it’s me.
The knife is taken from my lungs
Only a small scar shows what happened
I hear the clock start ticking,
But the cog is still broken
And I can’t reach it
I’m dragged outside
The clock isn’t moving,
But I still hear that dreadful ticking
I hear the people around me
My ears deceive me
No one’s here
It’s just me.
The hand still bears the knife
But in the other,
The frayed rope is held
It’s put around my neck
My lungs can’t catch any air
I hear laughing from those around me
Who’s doing this?
Why won’t anyone help me?
But it’s just me.