Everyday I unlatch my book of 'mind'
Unfailingly clinging to the page of 'memories'
My days went by tearing up all day
ruminating back the doleful moments.

One day I questioned myself
"How can I get over this agony?".
A sudden rumbling voice snapped back my thoughts,
then I heard an arrant afar in a hushed tone  'let go'  'let go'  'let go'!

I clung to you like a lifeline-
A floating buoy in a violent sea
But when I let go of you
Into the deep, deep
Blue,
I found that I had gills—
And I could breathe.

As I struggle to fill my lungs with oxygen,
As I fight the burning sensation in my eyes,
I asked why—
Why’d you let go?

uncertainty
it consumes me
inside out
I feel my lungs filling up with doubts
I feel my heartbeat fastening like a drum on a summer eve
I feel it
All over my body
My head swarms with buzzing thoughts
Unwanted
Please
Leave me in peace

I have all the time
Given to me freely with my first breath
Yet my body ages each day
I walk blindly towards the end
Will you show me the way
Step through heartbreak and all this grief
Jump over hatred, jealousy and hopeless days
Look forward
Fall in love, have all the firsts
Fall again, feel this joy and satisfaction
Creeping at every happy corner
Yet don’t stop, but walk
As the road is all you have

I cleared my desk today
I trashed pieces of paper, old receipts and movie tickets
I crushed and tossed letters and brochures
Perhaps its nothing to many of you
A simple clearing, of items that you no longer need
But to me, it was so much more than that
In this mass of what others may call trash
are items that hold memories and scrapped futures
Because I remember them all
Every movie we went for
Every cafe we visited
Every letter or piece of news that
we struggled or celebrated together
It was landfill of triggers that I was rummaging through eyes wide open

I was exposed
This gravity was craving in
Like an insurmountable weight
Place on top my chest
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see
You've tried for months I told myself
Today's the day you will do it
Put those memories away

But how did I do it you ask?
How was it possible to no longer feel?
Truth is, I felt it all.
The weight still came in waves
As each item still screamed for its place to stay
But I was no longer in the mood for mercy
For they have haunted me long enough
Piece by piece, I was being set free
Perhaps what I felt in all these moments was genuine
Perhaps I only felt what I wanted to
Perhaps all I did was layer to stay longer in your storm
To keep you company, to lift you up
But it mattered not
For I knew that starting today
I no longer wanted to feel that way
For this is not the love I want not deserve

So for the last time
I did what I had to
Just like when you were in lalaland
I kissed the only picture you let me keep
With the same feeling of longing in my heart
But today, it was goodbye.
With that,
I placed you far and high
Out of my reach

I cleared my desk today
Removed all the artefacts
That I marked my precious
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see
But I knew it was necessary
I knew deep down that I had more to give
But it mattered not
For it was time to go.

To all the things that weren't meant to be
I'm here saying my final apologies
For I knew that my rage is strength
For I knew that I had more to give
For I knew that this was not the end of my story
For I knew that I am grateful for all that life has given
The people, the love, the pain, the suffering
I love and am thankful for it all

But still a mark has not been made
And my fire lies unsatisfied
My fate calls for my awakening once more
And this time,
There are no chains on me
No gravity that shall bound me
No fear that will stop me
For deep in me, I feel power
Power that will allow me to
walk the path that is dark and unknown
For I am wiser and stronger
Than I have ever been
Let's do this, round 2.

I still think of you
My mind wanders
I can’t feel you anymore
Feelings are gone
I no longer see your face
Memories became a blur
I don’t miss you
Hopes crushed now lay forgotten forgiven accepted
I let you go
Embrace the present and future with no us in it
I hope, I really do
that you find your person

A mellow flower
Waving in the wind
Dried yellow
A long while ago
Yet holding on
To the plant stem
Unwilling to let go
Of its past.