my heart started beating rapidly
not out of Love but out of fear
distanced myself subconsciously
my mind was anything but clear

read old fun conversations
tried to recreate what’s there
but our friendship lost its foundation
yet we weren’t even aware

those arguments made me nauseous
couldn’t fight back couldn’t even speak
just became more cautious
and continued to feel so weak

suffocated in my own pain
trying to stay by your side
ended up with absolutely no gain
because what we had has died

tired of being stuck in a cage
in desperate need to flee
need to stop the constant rage
so leaving in hopes of being free

It’s hard to know
What a life will mean
Mid sentence

Choices made
Driven by the times
Unchosen

It’s no game
But someone loses
Every time

And so we love
To show the other
We’re the same

In the end
You tried your best
So did I

I want to erase the fingerprints
I leave on your days, weeks, and years,
To drain through the gaps
In your floorboards,
To float through life,
Unable to embrace but
Too incorporeal to be slapped.

I need to

go.

Peter (my bf) flew away early this morning,
like Shakespeare’s eagle, “leaving no tracks.”
Now I lie here, as a leftover or Millais’ drowned ‘Ophelia’.

That’s an image ripped from adolescent, female visual culture.

Time‘s adversarial magic drags us ever future-wise,
eroding sweet moments we would cling to.

Shall we poetize?

I want a quiet afternoon,
on the bright side of the moon.

It’s an actual-factual place,
convenient, in close outer space,
like mythical Elysium, Shangri-La or Valhalla
where I’d still be intertwined with my fella,
like characters from literature or legend.

A place where “I’ll get to it tomorrow,”
is, alas, an everlasting pass,
because on the dusty, unreeling moon,
tomorrow never arrives,
our lovers never have to go,
and we can relax, ******* clothed,
simply enjoying the everlasting earthrise.
.
.
Songs for this:
To The Moon by Meghan Trainor
Moon River by Frank Ocean

I met my rose in full bloom
But it had to wilt too soon

It was a beautiful painting, in a bright wooden frame
And no two ever looked at it the same

You were like a duck, sailing on a bright blue pond
I never knew that you'd have to go, so far long gone

Your comforting structure had turned to dust
And your shining walls had begun to rust

This place was built on a conjoined dream
It was so much more than we'd ever seen

I learned what it was like in my own mind
I learned what it was like for someone to be so kind

When we saw the rubble, we all held hands
Looking at the ruins and thousand sands

It was the one place where I could be wild
The one place where I could truly be a child

But even though you were destined to fail
Thank you for teaching me how to live, My Vale

The bed only knows the weight
That leaves it for, unknowingly, the last time;
The warmth no longer pressed to its quilt,
The down that will never sink again

A love so delicate
How did we get to intricate
Set us free
Didn't know it's all you wanted to be.

But then you unwrapped yourself
The moment I left
Something I will always recall
It's the fall
You shamelessly aimed
To call.