I never thought I’d see the day when I would agnise the depths of my desire.

Ingrained in every cell; the swell of emotion
ebbs and flows into each passing day
like the waves we’re all familiar with.
A calling card;
reminding me of the expectation of love,
the anticipation of hope,
and the abuse of obstinacy.

I learn from it everyday.
Paying respect and gratitude as tuition for the lesson called ‘life.’
Freshman year, every year.

Can’t complete the puzzle even when all of the pieces fit.
There is meaning in this.
Sometimes, I wish it wasn’t so.
But I can’t pursue it alone, so I won’t.
“If it can be realised, let it be so when the universe wants it”, is my escape.
But there is no escaping yourself.
You are the universe and it is you.

It has never felt like it wasn’t meant to be.
It has never been like it wasn’t supposed to.
Maybe one day it will manifest again.
Or perhaps fade like all beautiful, fleeting, moments.

You won’t catch me chasing something that doesn’t want to be caught.
You’ll see me walking the other way.
You’ll see my aura welcome it.
And you’ll see me turn around to embrace it with every fibre of my being.
But only if it wants the same things as I do.

If it doesn’t, that’s okay, too.

You're too much
I can't take it
Wait that's me
Never mind


© MJL 2021

Subconscious - Super fast connection, but limited by slow processor, small IDE hard drive, and low memory that is filled up the first 7 years. Fast connection bad for slow mind, with no room to store new data.

Unconscious - Dreams and drugs. Fast and slow connection that shifts from dial-up to 5G and shifts dimensions too. Not a lot is known for sure besides it can be scary and/or fun.

Meditation - Reset and update system in many ways, or personalize your thoughts and themes. Solid State Drive as well as Hard Disk Drive. All the RAM you need. Meditation comes in many different types, and can truly heal mind and body.

Conscious - All you can be! i9 fast processor, Custom ROM, the Cloud, Unlimited space and memory. 10,000 signals per second of learning without trying, and loving what you learn. No filters

the rushing water
what is it running from

It is hot
I am sweaty and already tired
a lone mason out here in the sun
my back bent over the edge of the foundation.
Behind me the stack of bricks
in my hand the trowel
snatched up from my weathered toolbox.

My forehead drips joining the goo of mortar
I lay the mortar bed row
and grab the first brick
to begin the southern wall,
the wall that will face the first squall
of this troubled season.

It was hard waking up
today; I rolled over to the swirls
in my coffee - the swirls in my head -
I couldn’t - can’t - think straight; the world
was a blur and I was in the midst of those terrible, awful,
beautiful swirls.
I hate it,
when I feel this way - so slow, so tired -
a Puppet.
I suppose,
if nothing else - that is why these sheets
comfort me so; I am alone with my thoughts
- for better or worse -
as time guides my fragile hands to crease
and curl
what covers me whole;
I am learning to make my bed
so I can learn
to make myself.