My brain capacity
dwindling to
3  hours of study
per day.

What do I do with
the time off?

Do I sift the internet
for diamonds?

Wisdom is seen in Men,
But in the possession of few.
but is it lucidity or madness that grabs hold an individual as he gets enlightened more?
Knowledge is an ocean without boundaries or limits as there should be,
but if one purses it in excess drown may he.
Beauty is in the light which rids a being of the darkness which he is consumed by.
but one must live and also embrace the madness it brings by.
Wisdom as madness it seems,
is a cure from the ignorance of the crowds everywhere there has been
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Life is a phenomenon

which cannot be explained,

full of mysteries,opportunities and misfortunes,

which all arise when we don’t expect them,

for every road you’ll take, you will miss the one you didn’t.

yet in the end,

not losing hope and keep going is what we all should be doing.

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The power of play 🧸✨
Is more than just a mechanism to keep the blues away 😔✨
It is the catalyst 🔥✨
To self exploration 🌈✨
Learning what I like and don’t like 👍✨
Coming to terms with feelings 💧✨
Minimizing future frustrations 👹✨
Acquiring knowledge with meaning 📚✨

A root of confusion in math
is not knowing whether a term
is a noun, verb, adjective, or adverb.

An equation is nothing but
a string of nouns.
But I may think about these nouns,
by their adjective or adverb
alternatives, for example,
which convolute the matter.

Verbs in math are really the outliers.
Thus, I've been thinking wrong
with "math is a verb" mentality.
The most common math terms are
nouns, which function alone
as subjects and objects.

What I think of as "doing math"
is akin to "doing porch".
It entails a deck, railing, stairs,
a chair, a roof.
So too, does math include these
things.

I walk on the stairs and deck.
I sit on the chair.
I enjoy the roof's shade.
So too, the things of math are
used via terms which are not
included usually in math terminology.

Almost the only verb used in
math is "think" which is convoluted
by the subjects/objects which I
employ during thinking.

I can only learn one word at a time,
for an equation,
one character at a time.

The lesson I had learned was that I have to allow it.
When it comes, I have to let it rip me apart.
It's a good lesson. I apply it to every pain.

But with this thing in particular, allowing may not
be enough.

I don't know how else to say it anymore.

What do I say? That I want you to **** the pride out of me,
So something in me shatters and I allow, allow
That I want to do the same for you?

That I'll let you hold my mouth open, so you see what I can never seem to say, so you see your name, so you see yourself dripping down my chin?
What do I say-
That nobody was sharp enough to even try, that sharpness is what I've become-
That nobody told me what to do with a blade that is alive.

I'll tell you.
Everything alive knows only to be what it is. To grow, to be more of itself.
The blade that is alive knows only to be sharp. And over the years, only grows sharper.

But if I say it, if I say these things, what will you say?
Angel.
Tell me you can dull me.
You, golden blade.
Tell me you want to.

The soul is Calabi-Yau
every quality of topological string theory
correlates to the workings of my consciousness.

String theory,
I used to refuse,
but from topological soul,
to spacetime soul,
finally to what is here expressed.