Cerulean;
How I shall never find myself
So fortunate an opportunity
As to see the clouds part.
But I still hope they do

Why I wanted to know about horses?

Just precisely that: to know.

To know the species, their characters, their souls.

To know how to respect, accept,
and control.

To know the nuances and knowledge
only experience brings.

When I said I want to know horses,
what I meant were these things.

Didn’t use to
hesitate for
a single second,

Jumping to
conclusions,

And headfirst
into all the
evidence.

I never doubted
a word you said,

Even if the words
I said weren’t so
clear.

I never
learned to put

trust
within
myself,

Lived my
life, hiding
in fear of
self.

It’s not an
easy thing to
admit,

And
I know all
the things
I’ve done.

Saying sorry won’t
make it all come undone.

as I am trying to learn as much as I can
from the self of trees, wind, of bees and birds
of the unlanguaged child I still am, from
wise men and women through the arch of time
I am well aware that we can keep each other captive
inside the machinery of make-believe that makes lonely
bodies & sunsets bearable
I can't help feeling I am just this,
a vagabond in such a deep mystery

The most useful lesson
conveys itself in the shadow of your words,
hidden,
waiting for me to catch on

I want impossible things.
I just want to make you believe.
But I’m hardly even here.
And day will always break.
And pay checks don’t make themselves.
And I hate how much I love people
That humble my tiny fears.
I’ve rattled the gates at the top of your driveway in the cold of night,
Waiting for you to open,
Too many times.
I say I get taller by breaking down,
But quietly I wish we both believed in the same religion.
So we could stop arguing about it.
So you could think I was a genius.
So you could bask in it all like I did.
But I digress,
I learn to say.
I’ll learn to pray
Another way.

I started to learn when I was a baby
From my father, from my mother
I learned how to eat
I learned how to drink
I learned how to hold a toy
I learned how to smile with joy

Now that I am older
I continue to learn
Many things about life
No longer about the subjects in school
So, I would become wise,
and not a fool.

i would love to
be able to identify
a bird from its call
or the shape of
wide-spread wings
as one flies overhead
in theory
it may seem impressive
but if i were to
successfully distinguish
a chiffchaff from
a willow warbler
based on the patterning
and colour of
its plumage
or the shape
and length of
its tail feathers
i struggle to think
of a single person
who would respond
with more than
an indifferent
mocking or
pandering "oh"

If only the little animal could
understand everything
no questions unanswered
when it dies

It does not live long enough
and flying is the time
of hundred wonderful times
of playing to die, the time

of asking again and again why
thus, this or that, and how
curiously cutting and pasting
knowledge, screaming

and throwing away angrily
lying down exhausted
and cry, but still
starting over once more

rearrange or discard
the half answers
and go looking
for new data

always ask another question
principally blind
full of confidence
that there will be an answer