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J Dec 2020
breathe for me,
just one deep breath.
let me see the rise of your chest.
i've got you, we're going to have a little fun, princess.

down into the depths, we go
don't squirm.
you know how I hate when you mess me up.
calm down, brat, i've got you.

look at you! my hands wrap around your neck so nicely!
it's almost as if you were made for me
come on, darling, eyes on me
i like the way you smile, so smile for me, hm?

oh yes, that's the one.
my pretty little princess, you're entirely precious
how innocent you are for me
hard to tell if you're whining or moaning, love.

does it hurt when I touch you?
it's your fault, you beg for it, don't you?
it's your fault that you've bruised
its okay, pretty baby, purple suits your face well.

flinch again and I'll hit you harder.
aw, tears? you know how I feel about crying.
god you're so cute, I could **** you!
you're such a tease for death, hm?

you screamed so beautifully when my blade was against your neck
have you ever been touched like this before?
no? not by anyone but me?
good.

you're not meant to know anything
except for me,
except for the ways that I make you feel.
I'm treating you better than anyone else ever would.

i like the way you look
all bound up, just for me, skin tied tight
do the rope burns feel unbearable?
just a little longer, love.

you'll get excited to see me soon.
no more of that pretty little fear
every touch, you'll crave, you'll beg for.
you're mine now, aren't you? say it. say "I'm all yours."

you'll love every second of life i grant you
i'll show you what it means to want.
oh yes, you'll want to be mine forever.
i'm the only person who can really love you.

speak when spoken to,
talk to me.
don't ******* run.
you're so cute when you're scared, give me a kiss.

i like how you taste, muah
your cracked lips spill that lovely red juice
you've got me all hot and bothered, now, fix it.
tell me you love me.

i hate that i have to let you go
but you know the saying, right?
oh, of course, I love you!
but that's a weakness of mine, isn't it?

god, I love how you fight until the very end.
claws against my hands, raking my flesh
make me bleed, I won't loosen my grip
you used to love how it felt to be choked

you told me these stories, stories about you swimming with your family
I'm only giving you exactly what you wanted,
you like swimming, huh, baby?
breathe for me.

I'm not hurting you, ******* *****.
stop.
why must you fight me, I thought we were past this.
I could let you go, I might. I almost might.

oh, life! the life drains from forest eyes
see plants need and love rain, but you can drown them rather easily
you're so weak, hm?
you know how I feel about eye contact, but this is different.

don't look at me, darling, this is our goodbye
you're not supposed to look back
yet here I am not looking away either.
not too much longer, and you'll be gone, right? right?

right. gone.
your hand lays limp on my own, I already miss your nails.
did i ever tell you how much I loved your hair?
it's heavenly now that it floats around you.

I hate that you made me wet my clothes,
yours cling to you rather nicely, I suppose.
i told you to breathe for me, we had our fun
you really did a number on my hand, love, it's beautiful.

why are you just laying there?
get up. now. we're not playing anymore.
oh
oh no

No, no no no, we were playing, just like we always do
like when you let my knife twist it's way into you
it traces my name in its cursive whisper
you liked it, you said, you loved it

get up, now, please.
I said please, princess.
you belong to me, get the **** up.
you're so ******* useless.

this isn't funny.
it's not funny.
come back.
****, I didn't mean it

tell me you love me again.
i didn't give you permission to die.
breathe.
I said breathe for me
Aphasia Nov 2020
How real are they? These faded dreams
The line between
Anxiety and reality
twists
Like the knife I know
Was entered into me
Found in emails to doctors
I've forgotten I'd written.
Sometimes awe and trauma battle for the same headspace.
Bhill Oct 2020
jack and the bat went on a hike
they walked and walked till the nuisance spiked
it’s seemed kinda strange to see a bat walking
it doesn't really matter, as they both were just talking
what in the world could they be talking about
I'm sure it doesn't matter, at least I have doubt
as long as they talk, and talk while they walk
and don't cause trouble as everyone else squawks
there is too much squawking, in the steps of today's life
we are all very different, so put away that old knife
jack and the bat exist only in my mind
if you see something here we must be aligned....

Brian Hill- 2020 # 276
SophiaAtlas Sep 2020
Twinkle twinkle little star
Let me be hit by a car
How I really wish to die
Jump off the roof and try to fly
Twinkle twinkle little knife
Help me end this wretched life
Isabella Aug 2020
They told me to pick up the knife
That with it I’d be able to cut the rope holding my throat to the ceiling
And break the chains keeping me to the ground
So I wrapped my fingers around the cold metal
Adrenaline as hot as fire pulsing in my veins
I didn’t let go
And I didn’t free myself
Instead I brought the silver blade to my heart
Carving the words I wanted to be engrained in me forever
scars heal until i cut myself again
Isabella Aug 2020
They told me to pick up the knife
That with it I’d be able to break the chains keeping me to the ground
And cut the rope holding my throat to the ceiling
So I wrapped my fingers around the cold metal
Only to feel a sharp sting as hot fire poured from my palm onto the concrete floor
But I didn’t let go
Even though I had grabbed hold
Ever so tightly
Of the wrong end
scars heal until i cut myself again
Marri Aug 2020
The first time I contemplated suicide was at the age 13.
Sleeping pills. Just like mom.
I wanted to dream forever.
Many more occurrences followed that year.

The next was at the age of 15.
Cutting. Finally had the courage.
I took a broken shard of glass and I
Finally found the anger inside of myself.

Following that was the age of 17.
Self inflicted pain. Heartache seemed worse at the time.
I dug my nails into my skin.
Making scars seemingly physical now.
I finally found a way to release the pain.

Last night,
I contemplated suicide.
I promised that I wouldn’t go through with it.
But who cares?
Who could stop me?
Who would want to?

I’m happy.
I swear, I am.
You know I am.
I only fake it a little bit.  

But sometimes,
I don’t think I can do this anymore.
I don’t think I can live anymore.
At least not by myself.

I hated myself,
And time and time again.
The hate seeps through the bleeding cuts.

Sometimes I starve myself.
Sometimes I hurt myself.
Sometimes I hate myself.  

Sometimes I contemplate suicide.

But tonight
I cut the pen into paper.
Bleeding out my vulnerability in hopes to die poetically.
Marri Jul 2020
Have you ever washed the blood of another off of yourself?

Standing under the shower’s rain,
Rinsing, and scrubbing the blood off your face and arms.
Staining the tile where you stand;
Swirling hypnotically down the drain.

I shot you;
I’m the reason you’re dead,
And the splatter of blood across my face proves it.

The gunpowder is still under my nails,
Black as ever as if I scratched my way out of my own coffin into yours.
I’m still coughing up dirt, I swear.

I stabbed you;
I’m the reason you won’t wake up.

The blade glimmered as I twisted it into you so fluidly.  
I was afraid to pull it out,
Afraid that a piece of myself was embedded in you too.
The dagger is a shade of red and brown as if you were ***** just like me.

I killed you!
Can’t you see? You can’t.
But, I believe, no, I know you feel it somewhere.
Somehow.

This water isn’t hot enough.
It’s not scalding enough to burn the feeling of you off of me.
But the blood,
Oh, the blood.
A never ending crimson sea, a deep bleeding river of you, slowly, but surely, disappearing from existence.

I run a bath,
The shower wasn’t enough.

I’m still stained.
I’m still tainted,
I’m still bleeding into someone who isn’t me.

The water swishes as I settle in.
Back and forth, up and down,
Over and under the sides of the tub.

The water won’t stop turning red,
A deep red.

A reminder that I killed you,
That I shot you,
That I stabbed you.
That I don’t regret it,

But regret isn’t guilt.
Is it?

It’s ******.
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