Aphasia

Aphasia Jan 2023

I listened to a love song
Sang along like a prayer
Let my guarded heart feel something
I never have before.

Now the song echoes like an elegy
And a sinking spinning world moves on
without me.

He said it needs to be emotional, that it's impossible if you're overly logical, so for the first time ever I put aside my analytical side and followed my heart despite everything. I took a leap, but I didn't stick the landing.

Aphasia Apr 2021

Hope (v2)

Is a thing with feathers
And that is what terrified me
Who put feathers on the thing
I am always most worried will fly away.

Aphasia Mar 2021

Inevitable

I spend my whole life waiting
for the other shoe to drop.
I agonize the moment
For the moment has to stop.
I fear the coming evening
And the certainty of night,
I have no choice but courage
When the biggest fear is fright.

Aphasia Mar 2021

Even if

I give you permission

to write that poem
even if it really isn't all that good

to tell that joke
even if you always mess up the punchline

to wear that outfit
even if those boots really don't go

to feel proud of yourself
even if you're only scraping by

to love yourself
even if you acknowledge your shortcomings

to accept yourself
even if you've told yourself that
everyone who respects you does so because they don't know everything

to be imperfect
even if you dream of being someone so great and feel like you're so small

I give you permission
to be a poem
even if it won't be a very good one.

You don't have to be perfect to be deserving of love. Give yourself permission to love yourself even if you aren't who you know you could be.

Aphasia Mar 2021

Hidden Disability

I live in split reality
unreconciled duality
And wait with anxious, twisting hands
For someone to say they understand.

Straddling two worlds is exhausting. "Sick me" wants compassion and flexibility, "healthy me" wants independence and the same high standards from others. Juggling both identities is a daily challenge.

Aphasia Mar 2021

Like an Arch Without a Keystone

Tumbling, crumbling
So heavy and yet so fragile
Each question crashing on the other
The missing piece remains elusive

Aphasia Mar 2021

How's your mood?

Oh, not too bad
(I haven't slept)
Y'know, on and off
(I mean this week I haven't wept)
It used to be worse
(I'm not in despair)
I'm holding up
(I won't let myself go there).
Some days are hard
(I feel so drained)
I think everyone's struggling
(I've numbed the pain)
Yeah, I'm okay
(I can't keep pace)
Thanks, I'm alright
(I miss my okay place).