the other night I thought I was dying
my arm started to hurt and it felt like my veins were trying to burst through my skin
panic overflowed immediately
and I couldn’t breathe
it hurt so bad I thought surely this was it
it would almost make sense that I would go
from my own feelings killing me
first girl whose own feelings literally killed her
that’s how it felt
like my own thoughts could literally stop my heart
unintentional self sabotage
an ice pack and breathing eventually worked
and I fell asleep so hard I had dreams that I could barely remember the next morning

too much confidence,
resolves in pride.
too much pride resolves in-
isolating yourself,
not letting others help you.
nobody helping you;
resolves in death.

the mold on the bones
of a wolf ****
600 years ago

Pretty
Little girls
Run home
Into my arms

Crying
About
The man
They met tonight

He
Was always
A monster
Just hidden inside

They
Had bled
Blue and Red
Having Known him

If
I could
I would
**** for them

I
Would take
It all
For those girls

My
Sweet, funny
Precious friends
Deserved much more

But
All I
Can do
Is be here

Listen
To how
They weep
And feel disgust

Their
Bodies no
Longer theirs
But now spectacles

"If
It really
Happened" someone
Mocks them cruelly

"It's
No big
Deal" another
Sneers so violently

It
Happened
Whether they think
So or not

And
I am
Here for you
My dear sisters

You make the jokes and I smile as to say sure
Maybe right
And we move onto another topic is discussion
No harm no foul
But you don't see the tears in my eyes as I fall asleep
You can't feel the weight in my heart very moment of every day
So what can I do besides smile when you kid
Do I dare tell you the truth
That what, I'll never be a bride?
Or that women with psychotic tendencies make terrible mothers?
You ignore my warnings
Simply turn them away
And if only it was that easy
If I could loose them like butterflies on a gust of wind
But I'm like an infection you've caught
I'm toxic
I have violent nightmares
Both dreaming and awake
I can't dance or cook or be anything you hope to have
So I don't know why you continue to hold on
Although I hope you never let go
But that's what infections do
Until they **** you