I closed my eyes and I saw her face!
A face that left a trace in lost soul!
I closed my eyes and I saw her black hair sliding on the side!
A face I thought I would be able of keeping away from my soul!
Sneakily... I'm watching her hands reaching sky!
Eagerly ... I'm thinking when I would have that time with her!
Jealously... I'm seeing her talking with others!
She came from nowhere! Yet she placed that trembling in corners of my silence!
I counted minutes…….to see her face!
I folded scenes to hear her voice!
I held my pen to write… and I kept my ink silent!
I can’t say her name!
I can’t move towards her asking who are you!
I couldn’t look at her eyes!
I couldn’t dare and ask her what do you want to say!
I just hugged her and moved away!
Turning pages into rest!

And….

The Chapter not yet closed!

He looks at her like she puts the stars in the night sky and I just pray for day to come, for he looks at me like I am the sun, but only when the moon and stars have disappeared.

I was never
A demanding man
Or a smothering being.
I was never
A shameful soul
Or a jealous person.

...that is, until us.

I was never
Your ruler
Or the breeze that took
Your breath away.
I was never
Some cruel cur
And I was never
The one to question
Who you were with
Or where you were.

Love brings out the best
In a few of us
And it makes a huge mess
Of the rest of us.
I was never the one
To pick up a gun
And put holes in the heart
I had promised to love.

I'm jealous of who you used to kiss,
Wonder how many you've been with
I'm jealous of who you might look at,
When I'm not there with you...

I'm jealous you'll see,
That I'm not good enough for you,
I'm not even good enough for me...
Maybe you'll then leave me,
Alone and broken in half...

I'm jealous of everyone I find better than me,
Scared I'll never even compare
I'm jealous of girls with confidence,
Something I've lacked from the start
I'm jealous of those fearless girls,
Because I'm filled up with fear
I'm jealous of their success,
Because I'm still way behind,
Where I really want to be...

I don't hate them for it,
I believe they deserve all the good they can get

I'm not jealous and hateful,
I'm jealous and sad,
Jealous and scared,
Jealous and hopeless
Jealous of the life I want,
That I'm so far from
Jealous of it all,
But still stuck to the ground
Jealous and jealous
I'm simply jealous...

Will I ever be pleased?
Will I ever be proud?
Will I ever get my success?

I'm not insecure. I'm jealous and unrightfully so. You're not mine.  I'm jealous of anyone who catches your eye, I'm jealous of anyone who snags your attention. I'm jealous of the ones who take your time. I'm insanely jealous of anyone who makes you smile, feel, live more than I do. I have 41 days, 16 hours and approximately 32 minutes left here. I completely understand that you would not want to commit to that, to me when I will be 800 miles away. But I'm still here for now. I'm here now. Make these moments count. These should be what matter. Don't be scared, because you know I'm going to leave please. I just want to love you deeper than anyone else has, or will. Why can't you let me?

Today my  heart
      well it  is saddened
            it sits low
            in the Stillness now
            my precious voice
           I so long to find her
             taken weary
               by a wanton Thief

                  why...
                     I wish
                    for to ask you
                    your
             sweet sound
          that you  own too
       inspired chords
        oh I wish to hear you
          bringing tears
           in a thorny crown

            as you  steal
         my aching heartbeat
         in longing pangs
            of envy wild
             jealous lust
            is steering spirits
         if a willing voice
       souls lost in  time

           do not take
        that Midnight train ride
          consumed by feined
               affections lost
               sing my heart
              releasing chest pain
               forming blood
           in an endless tide

        as I lay bleeding
       morning offers
       a chance for peace
      in  moonsoaked clouds
        the trees
          I can hear them
            softly whisper
             gently near
           wounded wings
        were just repaired


      I pray for rain
     and to show us how to
      be better as
        we drain this ink
            telluric beds
          already laid in
         the laying long
           let go of sin

          like the voice
           that I
           can't hear now
          it's not you
       that I'm afraid
       it is the sound
       of  endless Silence
         Paining ears
          in a deafening pound

            I hear
         it  calling
           from
          a battle
              waging
                   lost
                   a tragic end
                    voices silenced
                 war of ages
             left to die
           a hefty cost.

Cherie Nolan © 2016

Hey Jealous foolish woman
       I don't even know your name
        Mine is written on this page
           I'm not the one ashamed

        Poets singing dreams to you
         versing ink stained sheets
        You haven't really got a clue
         as they sit about your feet

        no need for Jealous words
          it's really all fair game
          Poetry and love that is
       I'll put your heart to shame

     You think you're such a mystery
         I know the kind you are
          You and I have history
            I left with open scars

        Jealousy I'm killing you
           by my Poison Pen
         Stupid thought to have
          my lil ' Jealous friend

         I might seem so naive
       but I am so much more
          I really can't believe
        you're antics such a bore

          Have some self respect
            act more dignified
              show a little class
           you need it simplified?

            go hide in a corner
       like the beaten dog you'll be
         taking nasty bites
       won't get the best of me

       You couldn't just fight fair
       I barely touched the blade
       didn't drop a bit of blood
        As down your pen is laid

Cherie Nolan © 2016

With every word she speaks of him
It hurts my soul
It looks like
blood soaking through paper
****.

tosses around her words so she can watch them fall and make a dent in the earth, a dearth. she fills it up with water and prayers but she can never harvest anything except for love. that's where her body comes from - someone else's curves, brimming to the top & exploding  with doves.

if there was ever a volcano that erupted just to shower everyone with petals and pearls, it would be her. a curse she holds to be so tender.


but god, i wish i was her.

Do you ever get that feeling
Like you're being left behind?
Like your friend is out there
Making friends with everyone he can find?
Well I made him who he is
Maybe not literally
But he's met them because of me
I caused my own agony
My own friend
My crush
Crushed my soul, once was so lush
He used to talk to me every day
Now, it's not even close to this way
We're drifting apart and he doesn't mind
He has new friends
I'm left behind
And he's friends with everyone he can find.