I never remember
my dreams
but three nights ago
I dreamt a
disturbing
dream
about a car accident.
In my dream
I watched a
bride and her groom
get plowed
over by a
runaway truck.
(I think it's odd
that I want a truck
so bad.
Don't you think
that's odd?)
The mother wailed
blood was on the asphalt
the sirens screamed in my ear
but they didn't arrive
in time.
I just watched
the gore.
Just stared while
their hearts
stopped beating
and air
stopped flowing
through the places
it should flow.

Then I woke up and
have been disturbed
by my dream
ever since.

I dreamt that dream
three night ago.

It's summer I know,
Yet my soul is frozen cold,
Oh how juxtaposed.
Yet I've found some burning coals,
In an abandoned coal mine.

Limitations of the human heart,
So fickle and feisty and miserable.
Like a coin with two-faces apart,
I flip it like a switch as I gamble.

Losing my warmth like I've died,
I kept on walking barefoot in the Arctic.
I've lost my senses and forgot how to walk,
I fell down and drowned in the cold.

Feelings of contentment, "I tried."
Feelings of madness, "It's chaotic!"
Feelings of hopelessness, "Aftershock..."
Feelings of warmth, "No!", I called.

I wanted to give up all hope,
Inhumane to every emotion,
All I wanted was to cope,
But love was a miserable affliction.

As I tread this path of harsh winds,
Guided by what seems to be light,
I fell down into the ice-cold ocean,
And as I drowned, it was warm afterall...

Im not gon' write a poem about you.
Uh uh.
I'm not about to allow you to make me FEEL
And allow you to fill
Me up
In such a way that my subconscious has to throw you up and onto a page
Nope
I'm not about to write a poem for you
Nooo siree, you see I've made that mistake
Prior.

When I was young and silly and hopeful.

I went and bought a fancy pen
The kind that writes so smoothly and makes my cursive extra pretty, but you know it bleeds?

I thought the ink that dripped from MY pen once it soaked through
It would sort of seal  us in the paper
Like I said, I was mistaken so
No.

I'm not about to write a poem for you TOO

And just leave myself exposed?
I mean who knows
if I replace those little tiny "o"s for hearts over my "i"s when I dot em that soon you could care less
For the stress on my esteem after you're mean leaving the apples of my cheeks with salty tears streaming down them
So naw'l
I refuse to tell the world how you made me blush when your lips found them.
Or how we had so much in common
It was raining but we just kept walking
You made me laugh until I was coughin'
I ain't gonna do it
I've learned its better to not let you soften-

my heart

But instead I mold bricks
cause it seems noone wants to actually bring any GOOD to it.
Seems 9 times out of ten all they want to DO
Is to do IT
when all I want is you to put
my hand in yours and stare into my eyes and search my heart and not my thighs
I'm not gonna try

And make this something more than what is was.

Just because of what I felt the warm and fuzz of flirty words spoken over Patty melts?
It was nice.
But I dont think that warrant's you a poem.

Not an admonition of my humanness
Not another proclamation of my foolishness

for allowing myself to think,
dare  I say hope
that those two hours of my precious life were 2 not wasted?
And Not worth the energy for me to store the memory
in the best way made for me to preserve it?
A poem?
How am I supposed to know that you deserve it?

But how can I resist within that moment?

After reflectin' on my day I find my mind keeps
pressing replay
on those two hours in Ferndale
And how we talked until nightfell.
Forgot to feed the meter cause what is time?
Hell I was frozen by you, guy.
I digged my nose into your life and just kept goin.
  
You had the audacity to inquire about my dreams and all my passions
and what makes me get up outta bed every morning

So I HAD to ask you back

And I listened
And I enjoyed what you said
And as we parted ways I had to immediately LIE
and document it in my head
Under "non-important"

It was nice

But don't let yourself get excited

Felt like I was on cloud 9 but gotta hide it
Come off the high
Cause what if in the end it's unrequited?

and I'm upset with you
Regretting you
No.
HATING you for letting me feel slighted
Yeah you tried it.

I mean YOU didn't.

At least not yet...

I just don't wanna write another poem that I'll want to forget.

I knew you brief
bad diet
grease

listen to the radio station
very nice man
no fabrication

not just a drunk
but a man with ideas
just to many beers

self expression was the way
a poet
and a DJ

Walking across the road
******
Didn't read the signs
Coast is clear
Unlike my mind
Turn back to see
Cars whizzing past
Time has progressed
I am stressed
Anxiety hits
wish a car did

If you let me down, let me down slow.
Allow me time to touch pencil to paper.
Let me turn the jaded memory of you
into something greater.

sls

They say,
'**** them
with kindness.'

Soon,
I
became
jaded.