In the search of something more-
Several doors I closed
Only to be left
Locked in a room on my own accord
All entrances blocked
Telling myself I will escape one day
Except I do not accept reality-
Destined to be isolated from the world.

"Please... Help me escape this reality and take me away;
So far away, send me to the world of fantasy. "

"Give me a door to the world of illusion, please..."

"Send me there, in hopes that I  find something that could fill that dissatisfied void inside of me,"

I'm such a coward. Who knew I had such feeble feelings?

Things like this aren't so necessary, right;?

Daydreaming is all I had;
And there's something I wanted to reach so bad.

I clutch onto the bars that keep me isolated. I see that ray of light;
it was merely inches away, yet it feels like miles apart from me.

Should I go and grasp for it?

Escape this prison of my mind and live in a life full of satisfaction?

Or will this thinking even get me far?

What if I failed?

Who will come to my rescue?

Who will save me from drowning in an ocean with no water as air stopped flowing down my lungs?

Can this heaviness be lifted?
This void within my chest?

If I was set free, who will accompany me in a vast world like this?

With this coop of thought that I have;
I'm no better than that person who was in a room with no doors, just four corners.

When he left me
his soul was gone for me
and his body was still there.
His anger was new
his distance was new
and his lack of touch too
I was so confused.
I was pregnant, then a mum.
Untouched, the silence dumb.
Bereaved, intense loss
Husband won't touch me
there's only frost.
How do I even speak of this?
he's doing the chores
but there's such an abyss.
Two years more
and I realise
depression brought
this demise.
Fool, it took me too long
to understand what was wrong
but this knowledge never did
bring back his song.
He remained, gone.

I told myself
"I will have a great day"
We tell ourselves things that are so cliche
but makes us feel even more isolate.

Despite the positive affirmations
I felt so unmotivated and everything I did or told myself I will do
made it feel like it was obligated.

You step out into the world and its tendrils seek to entwine.
It takes away my hopes and all the dreams I once held as mine.

You are faced with expectations and choices so not of your own.
You come to think it not so bad when life is both empty and alone.

It becomes just easier to forget about hope and any form of dream.
Responsible to self and away from expectations endless scream.

You close the world outside behind your safeties solid door.
And give up on love and dream like clothes discarded on the floor.

You accept a life of little value and so too the feel it will never end.
All for reassurance outside consequence wont reach in to offend.

I write of being sad and lonely in many of the poems that I write.
But I am conscious, it is I who cast love and hope out into the night.

The conversations go on,
With the four walls,
As it dampens the silence
Of the isolated winds,
As I dive into them.

i've spent so much time in my bedroom
that i've memorised the walls.
i know every stain
every scratch
like the back of my hand
because it's become my new every day

i guess my physical presence
was the reminder of my existence
and now that it's gone
i'm no longer present in their thoughts
and so i'm left here
alone