"It's a beautiful day out"
mum says with a sigh
as I turn to look at her with doubt
the screen reflects in the corner of my eye

"I'd rather not"
I say as I turn away
"outside is danger fraught"
I don't want to stray

from the safety of my game
were others understand
and there is no shame
to being a bit bland

4/18/2019

When I feel like hanging out,
Everyone is out and about.
But when I need to get away,
They all seem to want to stay.

God bless my introversion,
Because the other way is confusion.
I dislike the way I am,
Don’t compare me to a clam!

You’ve got me wrong,
Though at times I look strong;
Inside, I’m contorted into a wince,
Praying constantly for more competence.

At the end of a long day of stress,
I sit and mull it over – attempt progress.
I wonder why I am so put-down,
Feels like I’m on the edge of breakdown.

Then I think of the days previous,
Everything becomes obvious.
I need breaks from people,
That’s always been the principle.

In the moment, it’s easy to slip up,
And think I can do this ’til sunup.
But I am weak when it all comes,
I quickly forget my problems.

I have unlimited limitations,
It’s hard to turn down invitations.
People can’t expect much from me,
But I can’t just blame my anatomy.

It seems a daily and vicious cycle
Splurge and crash, it’s becoming critical.
Balance doesn’t seem practical,
Why am I so hypocritical?

Introversion is not a disease,
Please don't pity me when you find me sitting on my own.
Believe me when I say i'm happy on my own,
I appreciate your company but I love more time with me.
I've spent less time with myself and I realised it did me no good.
Do not feel bad for me,
Introversion is not a disease..

Let it be grey.
It has never rained like this before,
I like it this way.

I don't care if it is night or day.
For all the times I have felt sore,
Let it be grey.

They will not come today.
No one will knock on the door,
I like it this way.

There is nothing for me to say.
I want to listen to the clouds roar,
Let it be grey.

The wind whistles my stress away.
And I have nothing to cry for,
I like it this way.

My mind wanders away.
My eyes marvel at the downpour,
Let it be grey.
I like it this way.

Nothing is scarier
then the quiet,

the depths
in which
we buried her,

a house leveled
for destruction,

a mind made
for feats
of masterly
reflection,

but the silence
brings
a sleek streak
of greasy grief.

So, we seek
relief
in a cacophony
of stimuli
facebook,
youtube.

Mind unglued
and brought to
a state of
passive chaos.

Until, the next time
when solitude
dissolves into
a pernicious flea
that is nibbling
on me
leaving
daily droppings,
of filth and doubt.

Imagine everyone had wings
They could fly to every single thing
Never walking about and around
Instead flying up and down
Around the skies the people would be
For miles and miles our eyes could see

But, imagine, you, were one of a kind
And you had no wings but instead the only imaginative mind
Your mind could soar you to the heights of your thoughts
A place that others could explore not
At the same time that those people flew, you were stuck to the ground
Is it rather up in the sky or in yourself that you'd be found?

Because a world of your own, where others will never be
Is a world that only you could see
And what's better to experience?
A sight that everyone else knows,
Or a place that only you could go

plain dark yet I see thousand skyscrapers
emptiness filled with nothingness
and my pocket bleeds the word I spit
my eyes get drowned from its sweat
everyone is nowhere
and so are my emotions
like an old shell left because it's weak
heavy enough to be lifted up
silent, but not peaceful
wildfire slowly tearing down every walls
yet I hear happiness from the other side
it's far, but I know it is meant for me
they're happy when I'm alone
they're happy that I am alone

but it's fine
it is fine with me
it is fine with everyone who gets used to reality

****, where has the time gone,
Time from which no man can run,
Memories outdated, used as pawns,
In this game involving everyone.
I gaze upon waters that shine no more,
Gaze with eyes fixed upon your
Fallacies in which I use to fill
Empty holes inside myself.
Remember that you're not forgotten,
These memories and thoughts they drown me,
I'm fighting the current unable to breath,
Transfixed by long lost memories.
I don't cry for help,
Even when I can't breath,
In these waters I share with thee.

men see me as a white canvas,
pure and holy, but best of all
empty

two eyes like projection screens.
a mouth - it doesn’t say much
but it laughs at their jokes.
thin wrists to wrap
whole hands around.

sometimes they peel back my skin
wedge hands between the muscle and bone
scrape out my tissue with
fingernails,
looking to fit a fist
around my heart.
they expect the same thing:
one empty ventricle,
ready and wanting

so instead of giving them my heart,
i take a box
and paint it red.
the keepers are
the ones who
know the difference