You all tell me I'm born smart.
How you can't take it to heart
When I tell
You to chill-- how I've done too well
To say
That 4 hours a day
Is enough.
How studying
Hasn't been
Rough or tough
For me.
How I should just let
You all get
More stressed without
Trying to tell you about
Just how hard I know
You've worked
And how much I've seen you grow.
How a good friend
Can't attempt to end
Your panicking.
How I'm not lacking
In the areas you
Do.
How I won't understand
Your parents' demands.

I get it.
I really do.
Why else would I be trying
To help you?

Maybe if you took
A step back from your books
Then you'd see
How it didn't all
Fall
In place for me.
How I've put in
The effort needed for a win.
How although I haven't spent
My nights studying, how time went
By in class;
Glass-
Glazed eyes from only staring
At the teachers as they walk past.
Not caring
About how much I carried
The team, just so
Everyone could go
Ahead for an A.
And how they
Never seemed to know
How long I spent in the glow
Of my computer screen.

I know you all don't mean
It. But I've worked hard too.
I do
Understand you.
You know,
In this scenario,
I don't think that I'm the friend
That doesn't comprehend
The stress that's sent you round the bend.

i am a skeleton.
you gave me your all
and all i could hand back
was a piece of my femur.
the love inside of you
makes my love seem small
i’m so ashamed
of my silence.
i walk backwards down a stairway
seeing
the walls i put up
too big too tall
for you to cross.
i need to love
but i’m too flimsy
my bones
are weak.
the love inside of you
taught me about the love inside of me
and it doesn’t have a home
since i left you a ghost
in a house by the highway.
we live a few miles from each others smiles,
dive in the pool at nighttime
the lights are so bright.
i swim with the bugs and we hold each other.
how hard is it for me
to show you what i see?
i lied for my pride—
he said we were beautiful.
the love inside of you is growing stronger
the love inside of me is begging for forever
but i have no skin
nothing to hold onto.
i killed myself briskly
if you had a word in
i wouldn’t have stopped breathing.
it’s car trips and teenage years
i want us to roam free
two kids with our bones and our aches and our loves
we can’t express
i deny till i’m upset
that you want someone else in your pool
in your house
in car rides at midnight
instead of my feet that can’t reach the pedal right.
i make things a joke and you laugh
and i know that the other girl won’t
make you lean back as you laugh,
though i don’t know this for sure.
the love inside of you is trying to call on the love inside of me
but i soiled it all.
i’m blue and i’m scared we may never be anything
except two kids with shotguns pointed at each other
though you are the bluffer
and i just don’t know how to fake anything.

The depth of his heart,
like a book shrouded in
mysticism,
wonder,
anticipation.
I flip through the pages,
until my eyes grow tired,
and my hand aches.  
The end nowhere in sight.
Whenever I almost put the book down,
I get a tiny insight into his heart.
Playing me like a fool into
short-term satisfaction,
and long-term despair.