Today is filled with an unusual stillness,
With nary a breath of wind.
Perhaps now is a good time to rest.

I have solitude in my mind.
Today’s stillness has taken over
My entire being.
Thoughts vanish in an instant.

I sit here perfectly stock-still.
My immediate world
seems to be halted.

Please, let something move.
Everything feels so calm and placid.
I don’t want to feel lifeless.

Such extreme stillness,
Bordering on the edge of madness,
Am I slipping into insanity?

Will I pull myself out of
The periphery of lunacy
To step back into this
Mad, mad, mad world?

This didn’t happen overnight,
pushed all boundaries out of sight.
Don’t know their next step but it can’t be right.
Their grubby hands covering your eyes,
wicked tongues whispering blatant lies.
No confirmation for their alibis.

If a group of like minded people
can storm the Capital why not a steeple?
A sanctuary that’s built for predators.
For those who stormed Capitol Hill
why can’t they now go in for the ****?
Maybe too busy running from creditors.
I’m just so annoyed with the American void.

So many questions all over a vote;
they tried to mutiny like on a boat,
but now not asking why there’s no note.
With all those riots that were in the street,
willing to take a bullet or join the line to be beat,
no asking why someone special got an extra sheet.

If a group of like minded people
can defeat police then why not the bald eagle?
Just another symbol for freedom and justice’s joke.
For those who stormed Capitol Hill
does it not drive you crazy to now stay still?
Maybe too distracted by the war of Pepsi vs Coke.
I’m just so annoyed with the American Void.

If people can go missing why can’t files,
same with pedophiles and certain isles?
It’s funny how they gave away,
the ones we already knew what they’d say.
If people can go missing why can’t files,
same with pedophiles and their trials.
It’s funny how they gave away,
the records of JF & ML K.

Apparently there’s a minute missing every night
I guess we know when the time to strike is right.

my soul is melting
burning away like a candle wick
crumbling like chalk

i read the words on a page
heart starting to race
"paranoia"

each person is evil
i tell myself
they have motives
that i don't know

the unconscious
leads my brain
driven by the id
about to break.

In the halls of my mind I walk as I ponder,
Over things that trouble me, big and small,
Over things that tear me asunder;
As though I was made for this toll.

And I burn and melt and boil with these:
The fancily named; dyslexia and schizophrenia,
Even the owned one; Parkinson's disease,
For they make me succumb to insomnia.

And as I struggle with this jumble
Of emotion and thought that conflict within,
In and out of reality I stumble
And only stop when I'm at my mind's end.

Will my intellect stay firm or will it crumble?
My sanity is a thing I always question and contemplate.
"It'll all be fine!" To myself I mumble.
Hopefully, one day, I will be out of this state!

AUGUST
I saw you in class today for the first time,
You walked in and I thought I would burst into flames,
You sat down next to some other guy I don’t know his name,
And I think this must be what falling down a hole feels like.

SEPTEMBER
We passed by in the hallway today,
I think I might be going insane,
You were walking and so was I and I was so focused
On being normal–
That I forgot to say hi.

OCTOBER
The teacher grouped us together
And my heart skipped–
That’s called an arrhythmia and you can die from those,
Anyways,
Now I know you know my name
Even though I’ve always known yours.

NOVEMBER
The conversations began on a Tuesday,
At first about the project but then about me
About you
About school,
Did you know my favorite color is blue too?

DECEMBER
You texted me happy holidays,
And even though you have other girls
I imagined ice skating and cookie decorating,
And it was really
Really
Nice.

JANUARY
When school began I saw you and you saw me,
We were talking at lunch and I could have flown away,
You said something–funny but not enough to make me laugh,
So I only smiled, and then you stared at me for a moment,
“You have dimples.”

FEBRUARY
The project is over has been over,
And I think I must definitely be insane now
Because I took the long walk to class just to see you,
And then later when my phone buzzed and your name was there,
I thought this was torture but I loved doing it.

APRIL
“You like korean food?”
“Of course–”
“Maybe saturday?”
“What?”
“We can get some?”

MAY
In class when I saw you and everyone else saw you,
I wondered if they knew
That your smile is lopsided?
That your brow furrows when you’re confused?
Or that you hold hands tightly but not unbearably so?

JUNE
When we were in the parking lot
And the sun was setting
And you were there and we were eating and laughing and smiling,
I hope you know that all the insanity was worth it,
If it meant I would end up here.

JULY
“I might be crazy.”
“You’re not crazy.”
“Maybe a little.”
“I’d love you even if you were crazy.”
Quiet.
“I love you now you know.”

There are two things in me:
Sense of belonging is one,
Appreciation is two.
When combined?
This is something I can’t conclude.
I expect too much;
Then regret as much.
Hearing these voices in my head,
That kept me up all night and said,
“Do you think when you are gone-
They will be bothered to remember you?”
I began to reach out with my hand,
Then I started to look like a fool.
“Why would they even remember?”
I couldn’t even give a response.
Because everything it said is true.
I fell into an endless abyss,
With nonstop bickering.
I am starting to lose my sanity
I couldn’t even get it out of my head.
I feel so helpless and afraid,
A feeling of endless pain.
I could feel something so near,
That something is what I despair.
I couldn’t even take it,
I just want to have some rest.
“Why can’t I have it?”, is what I said.
Internally screaming that no one could hear.
A crying for help that no one knows.
The night has become eternal.
Not knowing how much time has passed.
At first, I couldn’t believe,
There are such things possible.
The saying seconds become minutes,
minutes become hours.
So I thought this is what I should pay,
And will continue to stay.

There once was a fella from Maine
Who added some drugs to his brain:
     He lost half his mind,
     And the half left behind
Was totally ******* insane.

You can't control crazy, eh?
Only mitigate it.
You can't control sanity, eh?
Only define it.

A question like:
"Who's been listening!?"
A question like:
"To whom have you been listening?!"

Ascetic are our ways,
But vitalizing, our planet.
A beast of ever-changing,
Host to a home of restless thinkers.
We plan to live, to thrive, to marry, to survive,
But never to accept mortems call.

It is our way, it is our want, we never change, we only taunt,
To continue with the optimum:
To continue to destroy, to hate, to ****,
We claim to evolve, yet remain astray,
Step in sync, we demand,
Join the march of regret.

We cry wolf:
Declare deaths unnatural--
Only proper if they fit our chosen form!

We cry dog:
Condemn those like us, yet not us,
Brand them evil for daring to exist!

We cry human:
Denounce those who dare not follow our rule,
Who betray our command!

To be a person, to be a human, we set limits, we set categories, we set nature,
We dictate what 'right' ought to be,
But who are we to decide what should and shouldn't?
Who are we to assert good and evil,
When nature simply exists--
To neither be right,
To neither be wrong,
Beyond our classifications and laws,
Is to be natural.

But then arises the paradox:
To be truly natural is to be beyond,
To not comprehend anything that lies beneath,
To be truly neutral and never bound,
Is to coat our mural red,
Is to shatter our world as we know it.

So we heal, we steal, we build, we break,
Not for the earth--
Not for the beast who knows no sin or virtue,
But for the world we forged in fire and din,
A world of our design,
A world of human hands.