i swear to not hurt myself this week.

be PROVACATIVE
baby
move your hips
baby
be a girl
baby
c'mon more skin
less nervous
systematic
"like a girl"
from an insult
to an idealistic reality
c'mon baby
be provacative

DEPRESSION IS REAL.
depression is not being sad. depression is gray-tinted glasses that affect how you see the world, depression turns your emotions from stone to glass, you never knew the meaning of "emotionally unstable" until someone drops you half of a foot and you shatter. until someone cancels on you and somehow you find yourself sobbing in your room because the demons in your head tell you that nobody ******* cares about you, nobody ******* cares about you, nobody ******* cares about you.
depression is real. i can feel it in my chest and on my eyelids and in my head and i can even feel it's iron death grip on my throat.
some days i swore to God there was a four-ton elephant sitting pretty on my chest, but i was the only one who could see it. some days there were five-pound weights hanging from my eyelids and the only way to keep myself awake was to pump myself so full of caffeine that my hands shook while my eyes were still tired, making me exhausted and anxious and hyperactive all at once. some days it took hold of my head, squeezing my eyes so that my reflection was warped and twisted and grotesque, whispering into my ears that i needed to eat less. you need to eat less. some days it attacked my heart. i can not describe the sensation better than to say that some days it felt like my aortas were being beaten by dull wooden stakes or like my blood had been replaced with icewater.
you're sitting in class enjoying a captivating psychology lecture when that thought pops in your head: "why are you even alive?" and your blood freezes, your ribs tighten, and something grabs hold of your windpipe so that all you can do to not say "i want to die" when the teacher calls on you is shake your head and say "i don't know."
you're sitting in math class and you're supposed to be learning about integrals but all you can think about is everyone's reactions if you didn't wake up the next day; you're sick but all you notice is that no one noticed you were gone. maybe no one would notice if you were gone.

one year, food was all that could make me feel happy; i found hope in the dopamine rush from the sugary calories; i rejoiced at the satisfactory feeling i got from devouring half of a pan of brownies.
the next year, yes, i know i have always loved dark chocolate but today i just can't seem to taste it. or anything for that matter.
the only thing i could get myself to ingest were liquids that would take my memories away for a while. i had no problem pouring cheap caramel apple ***** down my throat but could not get myself to pick up a golden delicious and bite into it because i knew i wouldn't have be able to finish it anyway.

depression is real. depression is a ****** up monster that leaves no part of you untouched and can steal the very essence of who you are if you let it. depression can ******* rip you apart. someone will tell you that they love you and all you will be able to say in return is "no you don't."
depression takes away who you are. because you haven't always cried every day, you haven't always been unable to eat, you used to be able to stomach an "i love you" and you used to smile when you saw your little sister.
this is not you, this is depression, depression is real. you are not pretending, you are not 'not trying', you are not 'broken'; honey all you have are some unbalanced chemicals in your brain. but we're going to try as hard as we can to make them go back to normal. i know you're in there.

depression is real. but so are you.

Seconds are great ,but                                                                                               Half-a-minute is greater                                                                                           Simply because it consists of                                                                                   Thirty seconds ...                                                                                                                                Time has greatness in some minds ,but                                                                  It's useless with those don't care ...                                                                              ___________________­__

The strength
You have when you open that door
Knowing you will be smacked right in the face
But you continue to embrace
The strength
When you speak to your inner demons
That clog your mind with continous
Negative statements
Stabbing the every window to happinesse
You release
You grab them by the neck
And remove their lifeless heads
The strength
When you enter a dark room
Lost and feeling unusual
You stop and
Become familiar with being lost
You are delusional
You are a creation that beats them all
Remind yourself to be humble
Charactersitics , and flaws get you in trouble
But you release the worries
And double your risks
Dont be in no hurry
You are full of strength
You're boundless to many successes
You are unlimited
I love you
Because you  are different

bring a book with you everywhere; you never know when you're going to be waiting longer than you intended.

- remember to take time out of your busy day to pause for a few seconds. listen to that clock tick. breathe. you're alive. the world is spinning around you and deep beneath your feet lies a fiery core. breathe. you're alive.

- you are worth so much more than you think and don't you dare settle for anything less.

- walk out of your home with open arms, instead of folded arms, because it's much easier to catch whatever life throws at you with open arms.

- remember to take breaks. you're human, not a robot.

- it's okay not to do anything you need to do. we all need those days. don't feel guilty for staying in bed when you should have been doing something important. again, you're human. it's okay.

- smile at strangers.

- read more. it could be the back of your shampoo, or an advert on the train. just read.

- sometimes you won't know what to do. this doesn't make you weak.

- remember, sometimes you won't get back the amount of love you gave away. you must be understanding. you must be willing to move on.

- lastly, please remember to keep trying with that casserole. one day, you'll get it right... (or near enough edible, anyway).

You know you’ll never finish a marathon
just by running your mouth

Today we have ambitions like birthday candles
once a year, a glimmer of hope,
a spark of life when we shout to the stars
our resolutions that will save us from this pollution
of lies until—
the wax melts and morphs into the frosting
we eat it all the same,
we are none the wiser,
but I’m tired of eating cake that tastes like ****

*******
is becoming our best man
and maid of honor
the only thing
tying the rings
around the fingers of our college lovers
and praying that this promise, for once,
won’t be broken
like our hearts in high school
like our bones in middle school
like our crayons in pre-school

Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words taught me a new kind of pain
words were the threads that I weaved into my childhood quilts—
every “goodnight,” every “sleep tight,” every “I love you”

so when those threads were unraveled
by the claws of divorce
and I was tangled in a tattered quilt of promises
I forgot how to sleep at night

I tried stealing words from sweet boys with gold eyes
just to patch up my quilt
yet every thread of their tongue
disintegrated to dust

But real strength cannot be found words
"goodnight" means nothing until I begin to dream
"sleep tight" is empty until I am enveloped in silky seams
"I love you" is a check that has not been cashed until your lips
meet my forehead
and you close the door gently behind you
because you don’t want to wake me

We’ll never win marathons just by running our mouths
we have to pick up our feet
stretch out our toes
and move.

We let each other in over Facebook message. It seemed so important in the moment, but some piece of me knew that once we got back to school, it would all be forgotten. We talked about things like our tiny opinions made a difference, like we had some insight into the world that others had yet to discover. How big we thought we were, how shining, how important, in that one little moment. But eventually our brains ******* our hearts and reeled them back in. Our small, insignificant hearts were no longer kites flying in the winds of change, but rather just broken pieces of people among billions of others living on a planet among others circling a star among endless amounts of others, and we finally realized that our minuscule ideas about the world would be lost in no time at all. Even we would be forgotten, and that doesn't even have the space to be sad. Sadness implies a sort of importance that we lack.

Please be careful and don't reply or email the profile stephanibaby, they have been scamming people and sending them messages saying things like


Hello,
I am Miss stephani, I have go through your profile, Well according to your profile,on this site I think I've taken an interest in it. We can get to know each other better through this way, my email is (stephanicuma@hotmail.com)
WRITE DIRECT TO MY EMAIL ID I have something important to tell you.i hope to hear from you. Thanks yours ,
stephani


Guys please be careful, thank you