People tell me I'm strong but maybe I'm just a good actress I try to keep the show going, but alone I break.

Yes, I break and I'm only a human heartless from the countless others who sworn they stay? Maybe, but human nonetheless I am the master of "I'm fine", so good I'll soon destroy myself.

Nothings fine and it rarely is after years of emotional emptiness you become numb trying everything just to feel something again. I'm tired of bring broken is it too late to be fixed? Its possible that I have destroyed myself beyond repair

Oh how I'd **** to feel fixed for a day.

I am sorry for who I am.
I am sorry for getting jealous.
I am sorry for making you feel bad.
I am sorry for my tears.
I am sorry for my mood swings.
I am sorry for my insecurities.
I am sorry that you worry so much.
I am sorry that I  get scared.
I am sorry that I push you away.
I am sorry that I am weak.
I am sorry that I need you so much.
I am sorry that I let you fall in love with me.
But baby,you were so different.
You made me feel so so special.
For some reason I actually believed this could work. You and I.
It honestly was my biggest wish but I guess a sick person can't be with a healthy person.
I could never explain all of this and you probably won't understand and that is totally ok. I don't want you to see the world in my eyes. You see this world so differently, it makes you happy just to live. Maybe that's another reason why I fell in love with you. Maybe I hoped that I could also fall in love with living again,and I did for a while and I am so thankful for that. But this kind of sadness doesn't just go away and I should have known,I really wish I could have been the one to make you happy.
The one you could go on adventures with. The one you could marry some day. After all,I love you more than anything and I always will.
That sounds childish but it's true.
You showed me light in a time filled with darkness. I love you.

Are you anorexic?

No,
I'm not anorexic
I've just got a
Stomach bug

I've never heard of
A stomach bug like that...

Yeah,
It's really weird
They just discovered it
See,
It actually spreads
Through your mind

Well, what are the symptoms?

It's simple,
You feel fat
And lazy
And stupid
All the time

And it makes you sick,
And then you don't eat

Sounds anorexic to me...

*I'm not anorexic!

Her mouth looks like depression, her biggest lie to be said "I'm Fine."

See.                    I'm.                                
No- ­                     fi-                                   I  
   thi                   ne.                             was
     ng                  I'm.                        up
        is    ­            Go-                   rea-
          wro-          od,                 lly
               ng.      Okay            late.
           I had a snack before I came.
             The.                              I'm
       make.               I'm                Just
up.                          Not         ­         Tired.
Makes.                  Broken                      I    
      ­ Me                                           Don't
           Look.                                 Feel
                   pale.                Well.
                   Yesterday was great
              I just.          I'm            I just
          Had.                Ha-            Like
      A bad.                ppy.               The
Sleep.                                               Style.

These are the threads
Of my web of lies
That I build above your heads
Strenghth ending everyday

My common day lies
Spun like spiders silk
Drifting unbroken in the skies
So plain it stands hidden

Entwined strings of excuses
To form a mask from the world
With a million uses
To fake that I am whole

Because I am the spider
Creeping through the day
Dangling off silk as my web grows wider
Trapping all the flies

The worst kind of jelousy is the one you have to keep.
Swallow all the anger, like a poison burning in.
Here's a tip:
To keep the tears from falling down inhale very deep and many times.
With my hands so hard in a fist that my own nails are hurting me,
and knowing I can't let it all out because you are not mine.
The hardest part is that everytime you are with her
I have to fake a smile and say "I'm fine".

I'm fine.
I'm not dead.
I'm not really sad.
I really can function.
I get A's.
I love my family.
I can sleep sometimes.
I can still laugh at funny things.
I still smile at flowers and rivers.
I like dancing.
I can hold a conversation.
I don't lie..much.
I only lie if I don't want to hurt you.
I say "I" too much..sorry.
I am eating.
I'm okay.
Don't worry.

"How are you?"
The crispness of your voice, cracking the surface of the perfect silence
It snaps me out of my own thoughts
Eyes focused, smile on; "Fine" I manage
"Good" you ramble and continue on to yourself; I assume since you skipped the pause -
The pause where you debate if I'm telling the truth
I retreat back into my thoughts
Eyes transfixed on that spot in the distance
The one I'll draw to me if I
Just
Keep
Staring
I'm not sure how long I've been gone, but judging by the renewed silence, I've missed my cue
To back up your outrage
Or congradulate your assertiveness
Blah blah blah
"Are you listening?"
The tone a little more inquisitive, eyes a little more searching
Eyes focused, smile on, "Sure" I try
You sigh and wait
I'm happy to let the silence have it's turn to talk
You clear your throat
I sit
"Fine", you lunge- trying to pierce my armor
I parry, not baited
Who has time to be sad?
Why talk about feelings?
What I want, who I miss, how to cope
I smile weakly
"I'm fine"
Change the subject

Hello / goodbye
bent on / goodnight
Can't sleep / just cry
My dreams / I die
Don't live / survive
Im losing / the fight
Demons / unite
Take over / my mind
Can't see / I'm blind.
Get in / and drive
Away / behind
we're out / of time
People / they try
They ask / I lie
They hear / they buy
While I / stand by
And whisper / **"I'm fine"