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I want to still my mind like the stale old
mans’s dentures in water. Dampen this illness
of mankind and silence it like the unplanned
plans of his non visiting only daughter

watching youthful eyes screen a brain unwind
his shaking limbs blown by conversation
winds. Faith in three courses of substances
fixing mice, experimental manslaughter
Lily 6d
   And tragedy
      Have no words, and
         In love
            A sufferer
                        s  dry.
                          Yet to others,
                   His pain,
          So crushing,
Is laughable.
Monochromatic monotony
An absence of color
I fade
And fall back to
The familiar
Is it comfort
Or complacency
To find myself altogether
Staring at the sea
A life spent
Bottling feelings
So that I might stay
Has left me but a vessel
With neither heart nor note
"Billie Jean is not my lover."
But she tells me differently
In private.
Now, however, there's a baby
Carrying her impulsive libido
Inside of it.

A matryoshka of folly
Long nights of Texas ***** and blow
Multiple partners, that's fine, just tell me!
But please let your other suitors know
That you aren't the only one
Carrying their load.

My heart sunk, believe me,
When I drove over to your house.
And it pained me to see
Your face, for the first time,
Unable to make an expression.

One, two, three vicodin
Four, five, six at a time
Seven concluded your session.

I found you wandering the eerily-still
Even though it was a beautiful afternoon.
I love you so much, but please...
Don't die.  I'm not in the mood.
My lips sink into their tubular cavern
crunch, crunch
Two bites... I take
I scan the concurrent matter that surrounds me, feverishly.
I begin to feel it set in
The drag
The pull
bump, bump
He goes...
"No, no, no" I hear my psyche mutter... I resist.
But my internal efforts, are fruitless.
The externality begins to disentegrate.
The internality crashes, wailing, screaming into oneself.
The futile attempts force me to face the inward infinite.
It rips me apart
Shredding every fiber of my being, until I am absolutely nothing.
All that's left, is simple consciousness, floating through the abyss.
Nothing, but my internal hiss, is noted.

I'm alone
I'll always be alone
In this eternal internal "playground"
It's what they reserved
It's what I deserve.
Rachel Apr 6
My fingers carry sick,  
My teeth – unbrushed and dry.  
I dream of one more lick.
Then my heart begins to cry.  

I contemplate capitulation,  
As I no longer wish to rise.  
I’ll survive with bed and basin,
and eternally wet eyes.  

She is never satisfied,  
With mind, body, or action.  
I try to take health in my stride -  
Not long now till she gains attraction.

If I’m lucky, I’ll last a week,
Of normal, human, nutrition.  
Then her greed will peak,  
Binging and purging are my only actions.  

She’ll tell me that my escape lies in restriction,
“You must fast a little, Darling...”
I can thrive with that addiction.  
She’s talked me into starving.  

Before I know it, the cycle has returned.  
Yet again, a ***** covered *****.  
I wish to die, unharmed.  
As this demon will never behave.
A poisoned remedy
To get rid of a memory
As strong as lightning
Ever be haunting

A blow of a wind
Hyper debilitating
Weakened by a word
Cuts deep like a sword
Empire Apr 5
What do you do with yourself
When nothing is wrong,
But it feels like everything is?
The motions of daily life
Leave you numb and cold

You want to justify the feeling
Confirmation that the world is wrong
But you don't know what to believe
Your mind has lied to you before
So you sit in frantic silence
Restless and crazy

You know you should be worried
About something out there
But you don't know what it is
So you just worry about it all
Driving yourself mad

Once the panic in your flesh subsides,
Your mind continues on
Chasing highs of stimulation
Heart pounding and blood pumping
Desperately pleading its case

And all of this
The wars within
And beyond your skin
Leave you here
Restless and crazy
here's to a part of me
who could recite A to Z without taking a break
and another one that has to stop to think
what comes after G
G stands for "get well soon, i hope it won't tire you up", said me to me.

sometimes i talk too fast
i can't even breathe properly
my friends ask me what am i saying
because all they hear is wrecking noise in voice
i want to crawl into my system to fix what is wrong with me
to make me less complicated
and more tolerant to coffee.

it is always the end of the world for me
i already start writing my own obituary.
but guess what?
i am not always like this
sometimes the ocean in me is calm enough for me to live normally,
i just wish i get to know
when the next hurricane is coming.
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