THE shouldest wind.  My never dream I should
held
         //--ME.  I might then should.  Did Dream.

Cold coal::coals  Time hammer now into
a brilliant thunder of what'if's that stun time
--where all flesh become amazed ages
       --welcome to life

The elder generation adores you
    that we are you. Were once.    And now.
(A whispered mystery)   ?

   so Open your window and let some
air into your room!

:: 08-20-2015 ::

i know, its hard.
it's hard to accept
it's hard to even comprehend
the fact that you deserve a love greater than both of us.
that you deserve me.

like mountains we climb every day is a challenge and i know for you
most days are everest.
never ever ending as if every everlasting thought seems to linger that bit too long
i can see
i can see that you're hurting.
i can see that you think you're a lost cause, stuck.
like valleys we descend sometimes into pits of darkness
and i know you may feel like you've been placed there that little bit too long
its hard
its hard to accept you're not alone anymore.
because truth is i would rather stay up all day and night talking to you about your mind than sit idle as you rock back and forth
hoping that the rug you swept it all under never gets raised

i won't raise that rug. i won't force you to. but ill sit patiently, waiting, nudging you forward until you decide to open up.
before some monster comes by tearing up the floorboards.
when hopefully you will see you don't save me from any false hell by hiding
because truth is

truth is.
every single heart string you pull in me.
every tear you shed onto my chest
every 3:00am wake up call
every help me
every morning hot chocolate to keep you warm
every kiss goodbye
every everything everyday evermore
is worth it.

its worth it.
and if you don't believe you are, think about every day i've spent by your side and ask yourself whether someone like me would waste their time if they believed
you
weren't
worth it

because truth is you are.
every tear is worth a laugh.
every frown worth a smile.
every week passes by worth those 30 minutes alone
every late night phone call worth your mind being that little bit clearer.

and so

i know

it's hard. i never said it was easy.
but I'm telling you regardless if you believe you're deserving of this love or not

I am here.
And i can't see that fact changing for a long time.
so while i am
fall with me.
ill hold your hand on the way down.
ill let you see my weird mind if you let me see yours
lets face the world one step at a time
lets love like everyday is a our new rhyme
a new line
for now this line to you
this time this part
you, are not alone. so do not be afraid, ill make sure everything's going to be okay.

6 months you say.

That’s how long you’ll be away. You leave today actually, maybe in the next 6 or 7 hours. You’ll be saying goodbye to your family and your home and I will be here.

I haven’t seen you since last Sunday’s church service and I think I won’t see you until these months are over.

To tell you the truth Baer, I’m scared of being by myself for that long. Most days you’re the sister I met too late, and I do and don’t wish we met sooner, but as for right now that’s not a big deal.

So I’ll count the hours in 6 months. 4380 of them to be exact.

I’ll get through how I can, if I can.

You remember what you said to me before I left the church that morning?

“Call me, text me, I’ll make time for you.”

It still seems funny that you’ll make time for me like I’m incredibly important or something.

I still haven’t even texted you. Part of me believes you’re too busy for me to barge in.

But I will wait out these hours. That’s something I can do.

Before you go...

I just thought you should know... you know..

I love you always. Come home safe.

the days are flying and here is september
on the calendar is
and here is the gold outside the window
rather, definitely not
but gold is
from memories
from anguish and sorrow

they fly flying days
all slip away imperceptibly
where am i now where am i now
but I am in a life in the world
in eternal existence
days fly and days fly
and now september is almost
and the calendar is new or not

but I'm not old
can distinguish
all new now and old
all old now and new
all the lights are now dark
all mourning is now a joy
nothing I can now discern
where am i now where am i now
in life eternal in life

26.08.18

When your here
You frustrate me
I want you gone

But when your gone
I miss you like crazy
While wishing you were here