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Haley Lana Mar 30
You find me.
In the church bells of a Hozier song,
the sheets that without you feel wrong,
you bind me.
You remind me,
of our sunny morning walks,
of our silly grinning talks,
when you find me.
You touch every thought,
my eternal leitmotif;
no such battle fought
as with you, my heart-thief.
And I want to write words,
tell you how strongly I yearn,
but my mind sees absurds:
so each letter I burn.
And I'm terrified, paralyzed with fear;
I dread your heart will cool,
that you won't love me, my dear -
that I've been but a fool.
Chasing dreams, all in vain,
as I wonder who warms your bed;
So far away, across the pain,
racing terrors in my head.
An ocean between us, worlds apart,
I crave desperately for your embrace.
Yet still I'm silent, intrepid heart -
a grave of sorrow, sans your grace.
(for G.)
Haley Lana Mar 16
I miss you more than words can express,
but I must try anyway.
The issue, the core of this whole mess:
I'm dust since you went away.
I think of you ten times a day,
tormented by memories:
a wink, a joke you would say -
lost in my reveries.
And I only really smile
when I replay our greatest hits;
It's been lonely for a while,
Gone astray, falling to bits.
I pray, I do, though I'm not sure
if I deserve to have you back,
or if oblivion could even cure
this tattered soul, this crystal crack.
Fare thee well, my shooting star,
wherever you might land;
For I have fell from you too far,
forever changed by your hand.
(for G.)
Haley Lana Mar 16
Here it is once more
- a dark form looming -
A shadow from Before,
A storm's mark, dooming.
Invisible vise grip,
the weight on my chest;
Marble-heavy crypt,
A thornbird's nest.
This hunter is slow,
patient, though relentless;
with no arrow, or bow,
or trigger to press.
His footsteps fall monotone
- finality's beat -
Like soot on a wall of bone,
the last defeat.
Although he'll stay
out of sight, a dark drape,
Know that his prey
might never escape.
When no one's around,
When comforts are few,
In the scent of moist ground,
He could find you too.
(Halloween is only 241 days away, lol)
Haley Lana Dec 2023
Love, oh my love,
you left me defenseless;
no gods above,
no miracle on Christmas.
Memories of you
slip through my fingers:
they leave me too;
melancholy lingers.
The protective veil
I weaved from our past
threatens to fail,
flags at half-mast.
Transparent and frail
like a plastic bag;
a soundless wail,
a threadbare rag.
My anemic hope,
my castle of denial -
a thinning rope,
dusk to a sundial.
And there are days when I surface
- gasp for air and scour for land -
till the waves pull me in the blackness,
back to the despair I understand.
And you won't read this one,
this one will stay
at the bottom of an ocean,
out of your way.
(for G.)
Haley Lana Dec 2023
Fight against time, I try to remember;
it slips away like fragments of a dream;
our every moment - a winter ember -
fades as I silently scream.
And sweet oblivion doesn't follow:
it leaves me feeling empty and cold;
Without those memories I am hollow,
need them to warm what's left of my soul.
I cling desperately to pieces and bits:
each shared laugh and each kiss,
and then even harder the truth hits:
you're gone and I'm alone in the abyss.
I stare at our photo for far too long,
wonder if I could have done more;
I hear you in every love song,
still need you in my very core.
I bought a perfume just like yours -
pathetic, I know, but it helps me sleep -
I hold your hoodie like a protective force,
to feel like somehow a piece of you I keep.
And I need you to know I want you to live,
to be as happy as you can be;
I wish you the best life can give,
even if it's without me.
(for G.)
Haley Lana Dec 2023
As the snowy days grow colder,
I'm in the trenches, like a soldier:
a war against my own heart.
Shrapnel, bullets, drying blood
surround me in the mud
since we've been apart.
My enemy knows no reason,
cares not for negotiation;
moving on for it is treason;
accepts no explanation.
And I keep fighting through the pain,
survival instincts wax and wane,
But in my chest I keep a hope.
Weak and battered, yet alight,
a single candle in the night -
the only thing that helps me cope.
I let the embers of it seethe,
grip it tight and grit my teeth,
like a drowning man to a rope.
It whispers softly: "he'll return",
that flame doesn't cease to burn,
its heat is my heliotrope.
(for G.)
Note: In the language of flowers, heliotropes symbolise eternal love and devotion.
Haley Lana Dec 2023
Clovers in the cold autumn air -
Alive for now and unaware
Of winter on its way.
No four-leaved luck
Can keep the muck
Of rainy days at bay.
I envy them, their mindless bloom,
The way they know not of their doom,
Of snow beneath which they'll rest.
For I know my approaching frost,
The summer bliss came with a cost,
And soon the crows will lose their nest.
It smothers me - the thought
That all efforts were for naught,
And I remain in this alone.
This cursed knowledge in my chest,
Claws at my soul without rest;
Poisoned veins, flesh, and bone.
The evening wind gives me chills,
Yet I'm impassive as these hills -
The physical can't hurt me now.
For my heartache is much stronger,
Its freezing cold lasts far longer
Than any weather knows how.
I care to deeply - that's my cross -
Then pay dearly for each loss;
My foolish heart cannot quit.
I can only hope to leave a mark
In your memory a tiny spark
Of the fire we once lit.
(for G.)
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