The prayer from a distance
a fusion of illusions, a summit of delusion,
the lustrous tones binding hopes--dissolved.

The prayer from a distance
Again a vivid desire,
too uncouth to confront.
A rivalling mist searching
amidst,
many mouths' discerning noises,
looking for a crescent
to leap down,
to grasp
what is fading;
a solemn soul's core
of another's loving prayer.

When the heart's hurting,
their smile's comforting,
as they nurture from my giving
and remember this soul,relieving
me of my impending scars
and to recover what's ours.

New perfume in the air, sweeter than I normally like
the sweetness cannot erase the memory of that night.
Beer music bodies drink music night bodies music drink you
I can’t wear those clothes anymore, not the perfume, not the makeup.
I want to forget it all, the slideshow that starts playing on repeat.
I want to feel something, I feel numb.

I want to cut, rid my skin of your memory and replace it with my own
I want to stop eating, until the starvation clears me out, makes me new
I want to eat everything, so I feel some semblance of full.
I want to do something to forget that time with you.

Eyes follow me in the street, they’re not yours, but my body doesn’t care
heart quickens, breath shakes, I am afraid.
Anger replaces fear, bottled up until I just want to scream
LEAVE ME ALONE
I walk to the school, to the market, and I don’t dress up for you

My homework sits out but I can’t do it today, maybe tomorrow,
I said that yesterday but the numbness won’t go away,
I feel detached, uncaring.
I need to cry, to break things, to heal and yet I’m stuck in this chair,
this one room.
I feel dead inside, remind myself to eat, to drink water, to sleep, to move.
Sweet perfumes lingers in the air, begging me to start over, to forget, to walk away.
But with it on, I still think of you.

An overwhelmed heart bursts
Not with a splash of blood
But with a trickle of tears

like a stranger,
you bewilder me

i wonder why you don't work
the same way you did before

i can scream and scream all i want
but this is a transitional phase

maybe that's why they call it growing pains.

healing (noun)
the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.
"the journey of healing is long and painful
but the end is worth the hurt."

2. healing (adjective)
tending to heal; therapeutic.
"self love was all the healing i needed."

healing is a path that not all are brave enough to walk.
one cannot be pushed or forced into healing.
they must make the choice for themselves.
the first step starts with

I go to sleep at
10 p.m
but lately it's more like
2 a.m.
because I don't want
to turn the lights off