The dark oil seeps into my lungs
and then as fast as it came it goes
pouring out turned into the hateful words I describe myself with
drip drip drip
but it isn't oil pouring out of my mouth
it's blood pouring out of my wrists
from the cuts inflicted from self hate
from an inability to make myself feel okay
drip drip drip
unfortunately I have to patch up the cuts before all of the self hate can get out
drip drip drip
I'll wait a few days before I let it out again
I can't bleed every night

let the winds keep blowing against us,
let the sun blow his rage onto us,
let the water rush around us,
for they can't harm,
as long as we are 'us'
-memoona kazmi

I have been fine
A happy girl living a normal  life
Now I’m broken
I can’t be fixed.

You think you can actually fix me
You think you can make me whole again,
Nevertheless, you can’t be more wrong
You have to stop being a dreamer.

Your high hopes are hurting me
That useless hope still  waits at my door,
Waiting for me to smile and dance under the rain with you,
Forgetting about my fresh scars carved on my body.

I cannot be fixed,
I cannot heal my broken soul,
And neither can you
So give up before I give up on you.

Sometimes I feel like a 4th of July,
And sometimes I feel like a December 2nd.
Sometimes I light before the big  thunder arrives,
And other times I cannot even shine with help of  my loved ones.




I’m shaking and sobbing,
I swim in an ocean of my own tears,
Looking for the north,
Looking for my light, my home.

I cannot seem to find the right place to rest my dizzy head,
No matter how far I run,
I carve the coordinates of paradise on my skin,
So I don’t forget them, or mistake them with a sweet dream come true.


How can you fix the mess I am today?
How can you make me dance under the rain?
Can you see it now?
Can you see my demons and its plans for me?

Will you give up on me?,
Or will you keep on fighting to save me from myself?

I want to break the tiny bones
in my fingers and crunch my hands
into crumples of blood and skin.
I want to break all of my possessions,
I want to shatter glass and crunch it
into tiny shards with my palms.
I want to cause a collision,
to run my car into another,
to watch matter bend and implode.
I want to hear the echo of inconvenience,
to discomfort and dishearten.
I want to set the world on fire
and to reciprocate the feeling of contempt
I hold with a tight grip.

Some days I can't help but notice

The fainted - past scars,
Red lines turning to white
Look so beautiful ....

Some days I keep looking at those faint white lines for hours
Remembering the struggle that looks so beautiful now

I keep fighting.
I keep being told to stay strong.
Keep going on.
“You got this.”
Well you’re wrong.

My tears are my only vice.
And those tears just fall all night long.
Every day is just a roll of the dice.
Can I keep giving it my all?

I’ve ****** up.
I can never do anything right.
And I just keep hurting those around me
So what’s the point of continuing,
I mean I knew this along.

I should have stopped while I was ahead.
Now it’s in so deep
And it’s getting more painful to breathe.
I just keep thinking I want to be free.

These pills of my nightstand,
They feel so inviting.
It would stop all this crying.

I mean you all will forget my anyways.
One day I’ll be a distant memory.
Someone you just used to know.

A face that was just on the screen.
Someone standing in the crowd.
A person that was never quite whole.

You can hate me.
You can curse me.
Whatever gets you through it.
I’m the only one to blame.

But honestly, I can no longer handle this pain.
I’m sorry. Forgive me.
But I’ve got to end this game.
Just remember, one day you won’t even remember my name.