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Phil Bailey Apr 2020
Hey there, I'm Joe Sixpack,
an American full of pride.
I don't want no welfare state,
I don't want no free ride.

And I don't want no charity
'cause freedom don't come free.
I just got four priorities,
they're ME, ME, ME and ME!

I just can't stand the government.
Tax, I don't wanna pay.
Don't want no lazy welfare bums
to **** it all away.

Don't want no ******* FEMA
after flood or hurricane.
Don't want no public healthcare
to fix someone else's pain.

But if my house blows over
or if I get unemployed,
and I don't got insurance
and my health's getting destroyed...

Well, then you'll see me change my tune
and I'll be first in line.
Sayin' "I deserve a handout",
"Oh poor ME" I'll ***** and whine.
Calling out hypocrisy is one of my greatest pleasures.
Chris Slade Apr 2020
Politicians, when questioned, who begin their answer with “So”... Those who waffle when questioned and yet they clearly don’t know.
Juggling “ums”, “erms” and “aahs” when struggling to avoid the truth.
It alienates, infuriates and generally makes those interviewed sound unprepared, uninformed, dense, almost uncouth.
But that doesn’t stop them!

The nation’s thirst for updates demands Government be contrite. Approaching difficult situations, yeh - but ours, dropping ******* left & right.
It means an address from a hapless minister almost every night.
Each department must have top aides quaking in their boots
because the media correspondents, incisive, sharp, erudite and firm
shoot tricky questions, deliberately, to make the politicos squirm.

It shines a light on what the country needs... clear thinking, logic common sense, honesty, truth, stealth and less guille.
Not subterfuge, not **** covering,“let’s dodge the bullet” style. Certainly not ten grand extra for having to work from home.
But sharper more contrition, put yourself in our place for a while! We want to be reassured, buoyed up, not consumed with bile.

You get more support and sympathy if you just tell the truth!
A poem based on the UK Government Press Briefings during Covid-19.
An awkward time
Michael R Burch Apr 2020
Limericks V - Politics

Baked Alaskan
by Michael R. Burch

There is a strange yokel so flirty
she makes ****** seem icons of purity.
With all her winkin’ and blinkin’
Palin seems to be thinkin’—
"Ah culd save th’ free world ’cause ah’m purty!"

Copyright 2012 by Michael R. Burch
from Signs of the Apocalypse
all Rights and Violent Shudderings Reserved

###

Going Rogue in Rouge
by Michael R. Burch

It'll be hard to polish that apple
enough to make her seem palatable.
Though she's sweeter than Snapple
how can my mind grapple
with stupidity so nearly infallible?

Copyright 2012 by Michael R. Burch
from Signs of the Apocalypse
all Rights and Violent Shudderings Reserved



White as a Sheet
by Michael R. Burch

Donald Trump had a real Twitter Scare
then rushed off to fret, vent and share:
“How dare Bernie quote
what I just said and wrote?
Like Megyn he’s mean, cruel, unfair!”



“Clintonian” or “Billistic?”
by Michael R. Burch

There is a new term, “Clintonian,”
which means, “Stop your *******’ and moanin’.
He’s only a man
doing all that he can
to put kneepads in the Smithsonian.”



Any Woozy ****** Will Do
by Michael R. Burch

Once Kennedy, as we all know,
bedded a goddess, Monroe;
but a man of less mettle,
Bill Clinton will settle
for Lewinsky and a quick blow.



A Tale of Two Stiffies
by Michael R. Burch

There was an ex-candidate, Gore,
who amazed with his talent to bore.
“He was incredibly stiff,”
interns said, with a sniff,
“though not like his predecessor!”



Four Limericks plus one Lead-In Poem



Updated Advice to Amorous Bachelors
by Michael R. Burch

At six-thirty,
feeling flirty,
I put on the hurdy-gurdy ...

But Ms. Purdy,
all alert-y,
kicked me where I’m sore and hurty.

The moral of my story?
To avoid a fate as gory,
flirt with gals a bit more *****-y!



Mating Calls
by Michael R. Burch

1.
Nine-thirty? Feeling flirty (and, indeed, a bit *****),
I decided to ring prudish Eleanor Purdy ...
When I rang her to bang her,
it seems my words stang her!
She hung up the phone, so I banged off, alone.

2.
Still dreaming to hold something skirty,
once again I rang up our reclusive Miss Purdy.
She sounded unhappy,
called me “daffy” and “sappy,”
and that was before the gal heard me!

3.
It was early A.M., ’bout two-thirty,
when I, once again, rang the regal Miss Purdy.
With a voice full of hate,
she thundered, “It’s LATE!”
Was I, perhaps, over-wordy?

4.
It was probably close to four-thirty
the last time I called the miserly Purdy.
Although I’m her boarder,
the restraining order
has frozen all assets of that virginity hoarder!


Keywords/Tags: limerick, nonsense, light verse, humor, humorous, American politics, government, Republican, Democratic
Big Virge Mar 2020
Now Virgelements' Set Precedents ...
For Sentiments Fit For Regiments ...
Where Expression Deals In LEVELLING ...

Injustices We See ...
Through Poetry and Speech ...

So YES They're Detrimental ...
To Presidential Policies ... !!!

The Type That FEED ... Inequalities ....
That DRAIN and DEPLETE Our Societies .... !!!!!

Well Actually I Really Mean ... " THEIRS " ....
Money Men And Their ... " Lair of Heirs " ...

Who CLEARLY LACK Graces ...
That AIR In Places ...
Where Heads Have LESS ...
But STILL DON'T Stress ...
When They Face PROBLEMS ... !!!

So Virgelements' ... YES ...

Are Eloquent And Relevant ...
Insightful and Intelligent ...
And Looking For Developments ...
That INSPIRE Our Young Gentlemen ...
With LESSONS That Be Telling Them ...
How NOT To Be DEGENERATES ... !!!!!!

Young Ladies TOO ... !!!

But That There Is An Element ...
Where Women Should Be PREVALENT ...... !!!!!

And That Is Just MY VIEW ... !!!

But ... NOT By Certain Feminists ... !!!!!
Because They Have Prerequisites ...
That Seem To Be Quite Prejudiced ...

In How They Believe Most Men To BE ...
Now I Said MEN NOT Boys Whose Heads ...
LACK Minerals And Think In Ways MORE Visceral ...
Than Those Who See .... The PERIPHERAL .... !!!

YES What SURROUNDS ... !!!
How Does That Sound A Man Whose Found ...
That An OPEN MIND Keeps The Mind INCLINED ...
To RECOGNISE That NOTHING In Life Is Cut and Dried ... !!!

It's Better To Keep Your Eyes WIDE OPEN ...
Than Keep Them Closed And End Up BROKEN ... !!!!!

USE Them And YOUR BRAIN ... !!!
Cos' Like ... Sherlock Says ...

... " It's Elementary Son ! " ...

If You DON'T Like Shocks ...
Or Falling Foul of ... MURDEROUS Plots ... !!!

Your Vision Should Position ...
Itself To Be FAR FROM ........................... "Conditioned" .........
  
Like Those Now On Impossible Missions .....
NO NOT Those On Your ... Tell - Lie - Vision ... !!!!!

Try Asking Mrs. Clinton ...
Cos' Donald ******* Her Wish To Jump ...
And Attempt To Get ... Positioned ...
In A Place That's Been FORBIDDEN ...
From Being Held By WOMEN ... !!!!

So NO ... NOT ONE's Been Sitting ... !!!!!!
Where Donald Will Be Living ...
And Giving Jobs To Minions ...
Some Whose ... " Professionalism " ....
Has Faced ... MUCH Criticism .... !!!!!

But Yet They'll Make Decisions ...
That Will Now Affect MILLIONS ... !!!!!

Which Is Why I Write ... " VIRGISMS' " ... !!!

As Well As YES ... " VIRGELEMENTS' "... !!!

Or Poems YES ....
That Express How I Feel About THEM ...
These Leaders And Their So-Called Friends ... ?!?

Virgelements' Do NOT Defend ...
Their Arrogance And DECADENCE ... !!!!

They Stand AGAINST Societal Trends ...
And Problems Bred From IGNORANCE ... !!!!!!

They Are My Heart And YES My Soul ... !!!
And YES DEFINE ... How Big Virge Rolls ....
With Pad And Pen And Rhyme That FLOWS ...

And As I Said ...

Show Eloquence ... Intelligence ...
And Also Show ... Good Common Sense ... !!!

They In TRUTH DEFINE ...
The Rhymes I Find Inside My Head ...
Which Is Why They're Called ...

.... " Virgelements' " ....
Virgelements I hear you ask ? Well, here are a few explained
Listen Here : https://soundcloud.com/user-16569179/virgelements
Devil Atticman Feb 2020
One hundred men gather to decide their king.

They bring their minds and gold together;
They weave a crown of rope with gilded string,
Then, quietly, it lay before them in the grass

The first man moves to seize the rope,
"See your king with rope in grasp!"
Another comes and yanks it back, "I brought more gold than you!"

Another comes, and another still, 'till every man has seized the rope,
Until it wrapped around the throat of someone in the feud.
"Hold! We've gone too far," said the man whose throat was caught.

The rabble of the hundred men ended as it came,
And each the golden rope held firm; one-hundred men had pulled the knots.
The man who brought the most gold said to the one who seized it first,

"I'd rather you, the first to take the rope, be king!"

The first to lift it said back,
"And I that it were any of you!"
Thoughts on kingdoms and leadership, translated in fun old-timey parable-speak :)
Robert Ronnow Feb 2020
While I pretty much opined for this impeachment
my fellow Americans voted for this guy and they could be right
I’ve been wrong before, stuck as we are with a system
that generates some perplexful leaders, democracy being the worst form
      of government—
except for all the others.
Anyone can be president, that’s been proven time and time again.
Wars can start for no discernible reason other than
radical purity, avarice, cupidity, gluttony, rapacity, even affluenza—
meanwhile life goes on outside all around you
perhaps you identify as Jewish, Latino, Muslim, Indian or Filipino
asexual, cybersexual, somasexual, hypersexual, homosexual, pentasexual
it doesn’t really matter, nothing **** matter matters, matter
content of life (serious, love it) hate death for the hell of it
to see what it’s like inside the heart of darkness.

Not that I accept their god, their void, I accepted humanity as a natural
      part of nature
demisexual, downsexual, ecosexual, Eurosexual, eversexual, exsexual,
extrasexual, femtosexual, Francosexual, geosexual, gigasexual,
Grecosexual, Indosexual, intersexual, kilosexual, macrosexual,
malsexual, megasexual, metasexual, microsexual, missexual,
medisexual, mocksexual, monosexual, muchsexual, multisexual,
mustsexual, nearsexual, neosexual, nonsexual, oftsexual,
omnisexual, oversexual, pansexual, parasexual, partsexual,
photosexual, polysexual, postsexual, presexual, pseudosexual,
psychosexual, quasisexual, rentasexual, selfsexual, semisexual,
Sinosexual, subsexual, supersexual, telesexual, terrasexual,
ubersexual, ursexual, ultrasexual, undersexual, vicesexual,
weresexual, wikisexual, zoosexual.
When I did that I had to pay the rent and get a job, too.
Madelle Calayag Jan 2020
Maaga kong nilisan
ang lupang sakahan
Tinahak ang lugar
na maingay at magara,
ito pala ang Maynila.

‘di napigilan ng tirik na araw
ang aming pagkukumpulan.

Nagkamayan
kaming magkakabrad,
Simula na ng himagsikan.

Sariwa pa sa alala
kung pa’no
kami inagrabyado.
Itinulak.
Binugbog.
Tinakot.
Ginamitan ng dahas.

Sa plano ng gobyerno
kami pa rin pala ang talo.

Paano pa kami mabubuhay
kung wala ng lupang mapagtatamnan?

Akala ko sa bundok
o gubat lang may ahas
-yun ay sa akala ko lang pala.

Sa’ming magsasaka’y
Kumukulapot ang putik
Ngunit
sa inyong mga nakabarong,
animoy
walang duming nakabahid.

Sa inakala kong
tubig lang ang maaaring
idilig,
Dugo
pala nami’y pwede ring
pumatik.
Tila ba ang gobyerno’y namamanhid.

Nasaan na
ang pinangako nyong
libreng abono?

Ginawa nyo na bang pataba
sa mga bulsa nyo!?

Sa pagpunta
ng mga imperyalistang bansa,
Matutulugan
pa ba kaming mga dukha?
Makatatayo ako
sa aking pagkakadapa
Ngunit
ang bayan
kong nakalugmok ,
makakaahon pa kaya?
I wrote this four years ago for the Filipino farmers
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