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Bilal Chafi Mar 2017
As the first time, I took up drugs
I had remained careless about my lungs
Disappeared in your love and affection
not in your real perfection
Always in my dreams hearing the same voice
Cause my love towards you weren't a choice
Yet, love at first sight
You enter my heart in the red light
Just like struggling in a fight
And have just started to feel
Your love is become addictive ever since I've changed my ways for the better
Like I actually matter
Because it as such is addiction
Now it's over to overcome
Since I'm always waiting for you to come
Whether they throw me away in the slammer
I'll always be next to you calling your name
As if you were born of fame
And saying loudly I LOVE YOU
I'm ripe for risking my life for you
Simply because I seek for you to be my partner
Already known your intention, you're not looking for a short term relation ( ship)
This is what I really want
Only to be mine for the rest of my life
And to be my wife
Stay committed for your love forever
Not wishing one day we will end up losing each other
I hope we never drift apart
Cause you're never too much
And you're always enough
Diana C Mar 2017
Tell me what you had for dinner and what you and your mom debated about across the table.
Tell me how every time she cooks alone you wonder what your dad would look like with his hands across her hips
like he used to do when they were in love.
Tell me how you don’t believe in love anymore.
Tell me how everything that is whole can be torn apart.
How you have transformed yourself from a plain block into a Rubix cube emerging from the perpetual change in your life.
How the colours no longer match on any side
no matter how many times you try to turn things around
You don’t know what to believe in
anymore.
Tell me you believe in her.
Tell me how hard it is to stay together and how hard it is to stay apart.
Tell me how you hate sleeping with someone beside you but you hugged her tightly in the middle of the night because even in your dreams you were scared to lose her.
Lately her side of the bed has only had your shadows surrounding it.
They wonder if she’ll be back or if they should change their address to your bed frame and tell the mail man to forward any letters meant for her to an address where the only kisses that wake her up are the ones that nameless men use to thank her for the night before.
The ones
That’s the thing about the calm after the storm, is it happiness or just relief.
Shawn B Feb 2017
"Breathtaking",
She had a smile that lit up my heart and soul like a winter campfire,
no a bonfire, and rock and roll music playing constantly in the background, with the joy and sorrow in her huge heart,
that she flaunted with robust ease,
"Gorgeous", she said,
She was so gorgeous, and she called me that from across the apartment,
you are too, I thought but didn't want to say the same word so I just smiled, It's like we could spend a night together, a day together, a life even in those Betty Davis eyes, in hind sight, a life, intimate and quiet from another land near mine but not quite yet connected, or conquered,
but you did, and you quit smoking,
"I'll change for you", she said,
Movies and window peeping, it's okay they'd close the blinds if they wanted to keep you from looking, you did say, you said a lot of funny things I'll forever remember, I'll catch up with you later, if I make it, your not my wife I guess, I won't hold you back, stupid things to think, to say, in hindsight, more like a close sister,
I said,
"goodbye my very dear friend", and she would say it too,
A friend and companion, you were number one, teenage love,
partners in crime, should of stuck with you, I sometimes think, marching fast, arm in arm, way ahead of all those lazy stragglers with less direct motivation, swimming, bathroom makeover, frolicking in the night, fun, then the kiss, my very first kiss from a girlfriend, I liked it very much, short and brave and fast,
"Gross", she would not of said the same,
Sporty spice, travel the planet for hopes, and travel journey fun,
sports, and smarts,
"Fire in a running shoe", does you no justice,
Words, thick frame glasses on a little bird, but a very wise one, and eager and muchly shrewd, I wanted to stay, I don't know why I didn't kiss you on the mouth that day, to cautiously laid upon the cheek, sorry, you were the coolest,
"life as a poem, an article, a revolution", I just whispered it of you,
Oh how I wish to write you name now, for I fell for it before I even bought into you, not as quickly as I saw your frame in the distance though, my heart leaped, but you were a teacher, so busy I figured, still time for me though, mountain quests biking with a failed challenge to bunny over a log, it could have been done, you push, you challenge, we dove into conversation, eyes locked, I say we never dated but we did pursue it non the less,
"Spunky geeky gospel funk" I was up to it, still am,
Animated worlds, the gradual approach, a white girl from Africa, to know if you were an Africa-an African I didn't get that far, I knew it was possible when you touched my hand that night when we all went to the LOTR at the movies and you sat next to me, was that intentional, I think it might have been, so exotic yet familiar,
a real animation trooper, I wonder where you are now,
"Military legend of the big screen, a real tooner"
You all rock and roll and Rock, an old way you do, the real way,
I did love, I did care, and still hope for you girls, ladies, women, people.

I told her I'd write this in the shower

She was mentioned first
the order changes, you're all so cool plus,
there's no order,
just know you all could have been the number one for me,
if i weren't a crazy fool.

But a fool can become wise, so
"Here's to you!"

Maybe I'll catch ya later,
maybe I just did,
or maybe not.

Still,

I hope to someday,
anyways, until someday,
Bye for now,
"Ta".
Crushes and ex-es.
SB
It was the day you departed
and the skies opened up for a second
as you made your way away from my embrace
I felt the ground shake
and my tears morphed into an ocean that stretched endlessly to the depths of earth to engulf you in my memory
because if not that
my memory would soon fade away from your head
and join the mental collage of past lovers you had before I,
and the ones that will come after
But no
no
I don't want to be apart of your ****** up masterpiece of smiles
and quirks
and freckles and messy hair and toothpaste grins at 7:32 in the morning when you wake up and find me standing in front of your bathroom mirror
probably singing some james taylor tune
No
I don't want to be seen as just another lover
derange and obsessed with your mystery
crazed and drunken with your persona
another one of the tens of women who will remain personality- less
who will be characterized only by name
who will never stick out in your mind
NO
let the silhouette of my body in the haze of your second hand smoke
haunt your mind at night when you wonder why something is missing from your life
imagine me hanging out the passenger side window of your fast car
as we speed down I-85 on a spring day
dream of me playing with my necklace
biting my lip
remember that I wasn't just a pretty face
remember that I had substance
remember that I would always dance around the subject of my grades
because I hated letting you know that I was exceeding all of my classes
remember that I was different from the rest
because unlike the rest
I will not be your fly in your tangled up
never ending
never satisfying
web
dancing around in your head
nabi 나비 Jan 2017
Warning* This is not a poem, by any stretch of the means, if you don't want to read a story then skip over this.  If you are against any part of the LGBT+ community, skip over this!! If you would like to read this then keep on reading and thank you very much

       Coming out is terrifying.  Figuring yourself out in the first place is absolutely scary, but then telling everyone what you've figured out is even scarier.  Here is my story.
      My story starts in the 4th grade.  I remember I would be at choir concerts and I would be in the audience watching with my family, and I would be staring at the girls.  Because they had such pretty dresses, and gorgeous makeup, and long flawless hair. And I would pay no attention to the boys, because the boys aren't pretty like the girls are, they aren't pretty at all to me.  Then suddenly I noticed that, and then I remembered all the girls in my class talking about how cute Johnnie is and I sort of connected that I thought Sally was a lot cuter than Johnnie or any other boy in my class was.  
      Then I remember going home and sitting in my room and being determined to figure this out, because this is weird.  I've never heard of a girl liking a girl! That happens?!?! If this is real then why haven't Mom or Dad said anything?  So I sat down in my room and I got a black, blue, and pink marker and a piece of paper.  On one side of the paper I drew a boy in blue and on the other I drew a girl in pink.  In the middle I put the word or.  But I didn't know which side to circle, so I folded up the paper and hid in between my closet door because it was open but you could put stuff in between the doors without anyone seeing it. In a month I found the paper again, and this time I knew which one I was attracted to.  So I grab my black marker and I circle the girl.  
      I don't really remember how much longer after the paper incident that this next event happened, but I know it was 4th-5th grade somewhere in there.  I had my best friend over, I think it was for a sleepover. We're gonna call her Ally. But I remember me and Ally were just hangin out in my room.  I look over at Ally and say 'Hey, Ally I gotta tell you something' and she's waiting for me to respond.  So I say 'I think I like girls.' That's all I say, nothing more.  Ally goes off repeating that it's wrong and that it's not right and that I have to like boys otherwise something is wrong with me, and is just going on and on when I just jump up and say 'JUST KIDDING, it was just a joke calm down'.  Then we just laugh it off and then she makes the comment 'if you did like girls i'd be okay with it, but i wouldn't be as close to you because i'm a girl too'. That really hurt me, which caused me to internalize all of my questioning thoughts and try my hardest to forget about them.
        Now it is middle school, during middle school I dated 3 boys.  We are going to call them Jona, Chris, and Lucas. I dated Jona for 15 months and our "relationship" was more like a friendship with fancier terms.  I'm buddies with Jona now so it's all good.  Chris didn't last long so that doesn't really matter.  Lucas!!!! I dated Lucas for 6 months and during this time I realized that I really was attracted to girls and I couldn't keep hiding it.  I realized this because Lucas was my first kiss and I was not into it AT ALL!!! I just wasn't, I tried i really did.  But I just was never much into the dude thing! Nothing against him at all, he's a really sweet guy and I'm really close friends with him now. But after I had my first kiss, I pretty much was like girls are real pretty and the dudes im just not into that.  So I sorta just slowly stopped talking to Lucas, and I ended breaking up with him.
       But I was scared of being judged for being completely lesbian, so i came out as a pansexual because i thought people would be more accepting.  So I came out to my sister first, I have 2 sisters and i came out to the one that is a year younger than me ,Izzy. Izzy was in the living room one night and i walked out there and i said 'Izzy, you'll love me no matter what, right?' she replied yes and just asked me what was wrong repeatedly.  Then I was like I was thinking and just needed some reminder.  Then she followed me to my room and harassed me for an explanation.  Then I came out and said 'Izzy, im pansexual.'  Then I explained what it was and the first thing she said was '***, NOW I HAVE A GBF!!!'.  I felt so much better after that and i was just so relieved.  After that i came out to my Mom, friends, and my other sister.        
After 3 months, I revealed to my mom that i was still confused because I leaned more towards females and that at that moment i was just using pan as a label but if it changed to not be surprised.
        Around a week after that I gained the courage to come out to my Dad.  I honestly don't know why I was so scared to come out to him, but I was and he was around the last one to learn.  So I walked into my parents room and was just talking to Dad, I had my mom stay in the room just to lessen my anxiety about all of this.  Then I brought up the topic of the LGBT+ community, dad and i talked about it for awhile.  Then i said 'dad, i mentioned gays because i like girls'.  then my dad went on a list of analogies but in the end he was okay with it.  Actually my dad was the most supportive about it right after i told him he was so okay with it and it made me so happy.  Although my dad was upset because i was scared to tell him.  After I came out to him, I pretty much just admitted to being a full blown lesbian, and it was all great and dandy and everyone was happy.
       Then it was time to go back to school, but this year was the year I started high school.  So I was a freshman who had just come out as a lesbian to all my friends and family over summer.  So not many people knew that I was gay.  But then I become friends with this girl, I really liked her.  I was at a friends party and she was invited and after that party I couldn't get her off my mind.  (I know this seems like it's going off track but it will connect soon) I figured out that we have a class together and we started talking.  
        At the party I mentioned the whole being gay thing and she was okay and very aware of it, and one day she went to my locker after school.  She had been doing that a lot and gave me hugs to say bye and stuff but i completely overlooked it because i don't know what flirting is. She was at my locker and i decided to put my big girl pants on and ask if she liked girls.  She responded with i'm pretty much cool with anything (pansexual). Then she asked me to the dance, I obviously said yes and wigged out when she walked away and immediately texted my best friend in florida (Ally).(Oh BTW I came out to her over summer over skype and she's completely chill with it now, we are still best friends and she doesn't mind at all) So we went to the dance and she asked me out.  I said yes, wigged out some more, and then danced some more with my friends while she talked to hers for a few minutes.  Fast forward to the few weeks after the dance.  We had been walking down the halls and hugging so everyone figured it out.
         That's where we are today.  I am still dating the girl, i've met her family and she has very nice parents.  All my friends know that I am lesbian, and they completely accept me.  My family knows, but when I say family I mean my household family.  My grandma and great-aunt know, but besides that no one else does but I don't really need them too so it's all good.  But I am so much happier than I have been in a long time.  Yes, relationships are so frickin stressful especially if it is one with the same *** and you've never had one of them before.  So if you are in your first relationship with a girl, take it slow.  But if anyone is in the mindset of coming out, first make sure that it is safe for you too before you do it.  If it's not safe you can't, be safe about it no matter what.  You'll be able to be open about it one day, but make sure you are in a safe environment.  But if it is, yes coming out is the most stressful time ever! But in the end it is the most rewarding thing, to be able to openly say I'm insert your label(s). It's an amazing feeling, yes you might lose some people on the way but if they won't accept you for the real you then don't even deserve you.  So my final thing it, you are an amazing human, and if you come out you are the strongest being and you have earned my utmost respect. If you haven't, you've earned my utmost respect because it's heart wrenching and I've been there, but you will be able to bloom one day my little flower.
For the sake of privacy of anyone who may know me reading this, I've changed all the names.
Ana S Dec 2016
My body shakes
My body aches
I have nothing left to give
I gave my life away
So she could stay
Just one more day
Every cry
The tear that seeps from my eyes
My heart beat slows
My skin no longer glows
My skin is pale
My body is frail
Breaking at the smallest touch
My hair used to be long
Now it's all gone
Long blonde hair
No longer there
Once smooth welcoming skin
Now dry unwelcoming and thin
I'm dying inside
But I stay for her
Not much more energy
Left inside me
I was living just for her
The love of my life now cries at night
Because I couldn't hold on anymore
Now I'm at peace
Died and just slipped away
I just couldn't stay
Andrew T Dec 2016
At 2:30 a.m., I drink a beer,
as if it is a crushed Ambien.
I light a joint (the parents are gone for the weekend).
My girlfriend is asleep in the basement,
eyes closed, lightly snoring,
the left side of her face is covered in scars
and burn marks.

I look around my room:
white and blue Ralph Lauren shirts
hang from the lampshade,
the collars and sleeves are layered with dust.
The bookcase is littered
with shoeboxes, novels,
and poetry collections.

I take a drag from my joint
and realize my ears are full of static,
as if they had been packed
with black and white TV sets.
There’s the faint sound
of a car
passing by.

The car is a reminder: Civilization,
glass buildings,
happy hour
at my favorite hole-in-the wall
in Chinatown.
I’m naked, but
not totally bare.

All I’m wearing are blue boxer briefs,
as though it is my uniform
for my current occupation
as a poet.
The blinds are open
and I wonder if I open the window and jump out,
will anyone give a ****?

My therapist will probably label me as suicidal,
if I mention that last thought.
I think I’m just restless and idle.
I take another chug from my beer.
I’m hunched over a notebook,
and writing with a blue pen,
not because I think I’m an authentic writer.

But because my computer’s in the basement
and I don’t want to wake her; I love her.
But I can’t stand her critiques, in regards to me.
Maybe I can’t handle the harshness
in her honesty, as if it is a foreign language
coming from a stranger who I’ve known for years.
I’m not sleepy.

I’m scared.
Scared about growing up,
scared about having to stop
giving a ****,
and finally having
to care about
my life.
i am so tired
and upset

i toss my keys in the bowl by the door
and she kisses me softly,
happy to see me always,
no matter what version she gets

she hums against my lips, curving her mouth up into a smile
and i feel the tiny vibrations of joy
make their way through my body

it's like she's reading me
and suddenly, she knows exactly what kind of day i had
and gives me exactly what i need
and i know exactly how much i love her

and it is so much
and she is so good
Ana S Jun 2016
*******!
Told me to trust you.
Told me you loved me.
You lied to me.
God I really loved you.
This is why I don't love!!!
This is why I hate people.
*******.
Go **** your tall stupid *****.
Stupid ******* trust.
Always comes back and stabs you.
You were everything.
**** this.
I'm dead inside.
You just killed me more.
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