Where have you been
the days are so cold without you
how to really say it in a poem I don't where to begin
I just wanna feel you here again
Out of nowhere you come and appear
ready to get busy
oh no, don't you dare!
It always makes me ******
how you walk out
then come back begging cuz you die for a kiss.

Your touch means way more than you think
the way you caress my skin
awakens a fire from within
It feels much like heaven
but too good to not be a sin
If you only knew the power you hold
the things you have under your control
If I were you
I'd never pay another due
Just by having you close
turns me from sad pale to bright gold
though you want me more
I'm the one that can't let go.

I can't figure this **** out
complicated but it keeps making sense
must be nature at work
I curse the days when you leave
but I wait till you're back here again on bending knees
cuz we know we're both what we need
and you'll always find me angry at the door
all stressed and worn
whenever I get so sick of this life
you're my only cure.

For years
I’ve kept it down.

It’s a
         pillow over mouth
         blanket over head
         Duct-tape and Gags
sort of feeling

Because I’m ok
    (they have to think im ok)
    (i dont know why but they have to)

It’s been
               Building
               Boiling
               Burning

               music in my ears
               words at my fingers
               Ties and Shackles

I have to be ok
    (if i tell myself that it has to be true)
    (i dont know why but i have to)

Really I’m Fine

then she told me
        - Maybe you should talk to someone?
        - I mean maybe... Ill be fine tho
        - Trust me, thats what I thought too
           but I did, and you kno the story better than anyone
        - If I find time then I guess so
        - Yus! I’m glad. Itll be goooood for you

Too bad my schedule’s full.

It’s fine
I’m fine
    (this hasnt been enough of a problem)
    (its been ok up until now)
    (this has always been there though)

why do I feel like this though?
              What do you guys talk about in that chat?
              Why do you like me? I’m a *****...
              Haha it’s not stupid! Why don’t you like it?
              *******!
              I make myself laugh more than I do others.
              Is this normal?
              HA!! Oh sorry...
              I’m a very self-aware person, self-reflective. It’s hard to explain...
             What? Is that stupid?
             Haha... yeah...
             im sad

I feel weird...
Why do I feel weird?
    (it isnt good. whats wrong? somethings wrong)
am I normal?
can someone help?
What am i doing wrong? whats wrong...
    (its not ok)
           im sad

It's the night before an exam,
And the rhymes and rhythms,
are screaming in my head,
as the mountain of rejected paper,
grows around me.
Because as I try to voice,
my horrors and hatreds,
my love and life,
politically and emotionally,
all I can think about is that,
at thirteen I was scrawling,
pretty patterns across my skin,
and using my blood as the paint,
                                                          ­      how messed up is that?

Frustration
A build up of emotions.
Screaming and banging against the utter most depths of your mind, wanting out.
Wanting to scream as loud as your lungs will take you.
Hit as hard and your fist can muster.
Frustration is a horrible, annoyance.
It's irritating and infuriating,
My mind swarms with it, all these pent up feelings and thoughts,
I feel like ripping my skin off, it's so annoying.
But yet it won't go away, and I can't make it.

As much as I say I've "let it out" though I do the opposite, it's still there.
Headachingly there.
As much as I say it's not, I'm just lying and adding to the frustration that won't seem to let go, that won't go away.
And after a while, frustration wears you down, grinds away what shred of hope you have in your soul and feeds off your dismay.

Frustration is a terrible thing.

Anger, frustration
Built like a brick wall inside of this heart,
Testing my patience,
Racing,
Waiting to come up with another reason,
Reasons why I deserve it,
Failures, disappointment, sadness,
Picking at weaknesses,
Waiting for a point where this ends,
Patterns of highs and lows,
Spinning so fast,
Everything in mid air,
Becomes a blurry haze,
Where I see a brick wall,
With anger and frustration
Going on and on

I don't understand you sometimes, you want me to be happy but I can't be with him. You want me to be the good little girl I am well sorry that is not available. I think of what not to do and some how manage to ***** something up. Why can't we go back to when everything was good and every one was happy with who they are. I don't eat because I am not hungry, I don't talk because I know I will get hurt, but you think its all to fit in with who? I dont' know. But here is me saying I don't care anymore. Here is me saying good luck without me

there is man who wants to live
there was thousand like him
millions - billions like him

no formula has invented
to cut his sins against others

the man keep burning
born from his ash
keep burning

Oh, how I wish that everything will just get over and done with...

you sit here weaving words into stories like the sea;
while i fumble with alphabet soup in the corner.