It's been a while but I'm back, my life has changed significantly and I am happy now. No longer with the guy I was with, he turned out to be not what I expected. With someone new, and he is my life now.

I didn't know how much I meant to you entirely, but everyday goes by and I lose my myself when I cant hear from you. You are my other half and I said " I am not giving you a third chance", maybe I wasn't thinking all the way through. After 5 years of hardship, distrust, love, pain, patience, we are still here for each other after that. That is a miracle because most people give up on the people we are. Everytime I see the love in your eyes, I feel the protection in your arms and I sense the 'wow' in your voice of having the honor of being my best friend. I am still in love with you, always will be and that is permanent

I've never felt stuck, not like this. Pleasing my parents but also stabbing them in the back all in one sitting. I don't know how I can keep going with this. I don't know if its depression. You want me to be happy, and me being all the same person, but I don't want to come home to a judgmental father, who yells because I didn't give him the correct answer to life. I just wish you could see the good in him, the love of my life isn't ruining me, the only heart breaking, unbaring, piece to all this is you not accepting him because he didn't show up in a collared shirt, slacks and the perfect church boy look. You were mad because he showed up smelling like a 20 year old, with scars and a broken heart, and a way with words to love me. Its not rocket science, we clicked, accept it, I am tired of crying my eyes out for two hours every night hoping you come back and say "I'm sorry", I'm stuck.

I don't understand you sometimes, you want me to be happy but I can't be with him. You want me to be the good little girl I am well sorry that is not available. I think of what not to do and some how manage to ***** something up. Why can't we go back to when everything was good and every one was happy with who they are. I don't eat because I am not hungry, I don't talk because I know I will get hurt, but you think its all to fit in with who? I dont' know. But here is me saying I don't care anymore. Here is me saying good luck without me

"I'm searching for something I cannot reach"-Halsey

What doesn't **** you, makes you wish you were dead
Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper
And I can't take
One more moment of this silence, the loneliness is haunting me
And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up

It comes in waves, I close my eyes
Hold my breath and let it bury me
I'm not okay, and it's not alright
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now, dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown
Who will make me fine, drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown

What doesn't destroy you, leaves you broken instead
Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper
And I can't take
One more moment of this silence, the loneliness is haunting me
And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up

It comes in waves, I close my eyes
Hold my breath and let it bury me
I'm not okay, and it's not alright
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now, dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown
Who will make me fine drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown

'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own
('Cause you know that I can't do this on my own)
(Who will fix me now?)
(Who will fix me now?)
Who will fix me now?
Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown